Sunday, July 25, 2010

Say What You Mean to Say...

As you might have been able to ascertain—either from my blog posts or if you know me personally—I don't have a tremendous amount of tolerance for people. And among my biggest pet peeves are passive-aggressiveness and people who won't tell you how they truly feel.

Now, I'm a fairly direct person. And even when I don't come out and tell a person that they're angering or upsetting me, my general lack of a poker face leads to emotional transparency, so you pretty much know how I feel. But others have this ability (and it's not an impressive skill, IMHO) to tell you they feel a particular way, when in reality, they feel completely different. And instead of taking the bull by the horns and telling a person the truth, they rely on subterfuge, sometimes even going so far as to build a person up when in reality, they cannot stand them.

Yes, the truth hurts sometimes. But what is to be gained by not confronting a person and pretending their behavior doesn't bother you, or pretending that you think their decisions are wise, when in reality, they're completely off-base? While there is value in letting a person discover their own problems, sometimes their problems are much more visible to others. And even if they don't appear to want your help or your advice, in the end, it's actually more valuable, you know?

I've been in this situation far too often, which unfortunately has left me with the inability to trust most people. I've left myself open to people many times, only to find myself stabbed in the back. Clearly I have my own issues, but it's a little unsettling to find yourself questioning everything a person tells you, wondering whether or not they're being truthful.

To my friends—and those who one day aspire to be my friends (how funny is that?)—I have a pretty thick skin. Don't be afraid to call me out if my behavior angers or upsets you. I'll be much more grateful in the long run, rather than discovering somewhere down the road (Manilow!) that you've been stabbing me in the back all along.

Strangely enough, nothing in my own life inspired this post, but once I started typing, it took on a life of its own. That being said, here's my piece of advice to everyone (credit to John Mayer): say what you mean to say. They've stopped giving out prizes to people for being nice to others, ok?

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