Friday, March 15, 2013

AI Results Show Recap: Can We Have Another Minute to Discuss?

Ok, Idol
fans, here's a little pop quiz for you.

The show's decision to finally show voter rankings after 12 seasons is:
(a) Awesome; just what I've been waiting for
(b) Horrible; takes away all the suspense
(c) Just another way to manipulate the message that girls rule, guys drool

I kid, I kid. While it was interesting to see allegedly how the contestants rank with voters, I could have done without the whole, "Devin, you received 25 percent of the vote in Puerto Rico" thing. I need lots of space before people start lighting up maps with different colors or people, ok? But seriously, while the top three vote-getters from Wednesday's show—Candice, Kree, and Angie (in mysterious order)—were probably my top three, I worry that if the results consistently look this way, people may get complacent and not vote for the stronger contestants. And if Kree and Candice aren't the final two, someone will pay.

The show started with a recap of Wednesday night's performances, and we got Jimmy's manipulated feedback on the contestants.
  • "Singing slow urban gospel every week won't get Curtis past the top 8."
  • "When I heard Janelle sing, I was sold. That girl's not going anywhere." (This is where I call BS. Her performance was tepid and utterly lacking star quality or vocal charisma.)
  • "If Devin sings this type of song a few times, this will be his temporary home."
  • "Angie is a real talent. When she sings her own songs, she's magnificent; but she wasn't as good as the judges thought with this song."
  • "Paul picked a good song for him, but I don't get the country/pop thing. It's pure pop. Other guys did a better job than him, though." (Other than Burnell, who? No one, that's who. But better get our last white guy off the show ASAP!)
  • "Candice's talent, her poise, won the night."
  • "Lazaro has potential, but he needs to learn to take criticism and work harder." (Clearly he sees Lazaro as a threat to a girl winning.)
  • "Kree was great, she knows the material she sings better than anyone. Top 3."
  • "Burnell was the best guy, he did a great job."
  • "When it comes to charisma and star package, it's Amber, Amber, Amber. Top 3."

Then Ryan started this new thing where they tell people where their votes were coming from. I won't even recap it because it's stupid and unnecessary. But Candice made the top three.

And speaking of unnecessary, instead of the Ford Music Video (are they still doing these?) we got a commercial for some upcoming movie called The Croods, because the contestants sang some sappy song from the movie called Shine Your Way. I'll pass.

Fast-forwarded through the Bon Jovi performance, which was taped a week ago. Lest my Jersey cred be threatened, I saw them live in concert about a month ago. This was just a reminder they did far too few of their hits and far too many new songs.

Kree was presented with the key to her hometown of Woodville, Texas by the city's mayor. Oh, and she made the top three.

Time for the sing-off for a spot on the summer tour! (That's about as much enthusiasm as I can muster.) Moptop mess Charlie was the sixth place finisher on the guys' side, so he came out full dressed this week, accompanying himself on the piano to an original song called Lucy in the Sky with Sky Blue Diamond. It was slightly treacly but more on key and together than Charlie has been in a while. He admitted he wrote the song about having to "choose between a two-year relationship and being on the show." I'm sure the producers had their tranq guns at the ready in case he started breaking down again.

Aubrey was the sixth-place finisher on the girls' side. (Still shocked they didn't trot out Zoanette to up the crazy quotient.) She looked gorgeous and sang Out Here On My Own. As with every one of her performances, I marveled more at how beautiful she was than how she sounded. Now it's up to the voters, and I'd assume our little awkward turtle will get his chance to shine in the spotlight. We'll find out next week, though, so stay tuned!

One of my phavorite (haha) winners, Phillip Phillips, returned, well, home, to perform his new single Gone, Gone, Gone (which, as we'd later find out, is the new single they play for the eliminated contestants). He also was presented with notice that his single Home is certified as quadruple platinum. Not bad for someone people wrote off as a Dave Matthews wannabe, huh?

After revealing that Angie was the third contestant in the top three, they ripped a page from The X-Factor's book and revealed the rankings of the remaining contestants, one by one, as they saw their faces flash up on the monitor and tried not to freak out around those yet to find out where they stood. The rankings were as follows:

4th Place: Lazaro (if he can get his act together, he's dangerous)
5th Place: Amber (I was a little surprised she was so low, but again, I wasn't as overwhelmed as everyone else with her performance)
6th Place: Janelle (I guess she was the 5th best girl, so...)
7th Place: Burnell
8th Place: Paul (I think he's probably in trouble)

The bottom two were Devin and Curtis. Nicki announced, "If Curtis goes home, then I'm going home." And after a little hemming and hawing, Ryan revealed that Curtis finished in last place and would need to sing for his life. Nicki threw some sort of fake temper tantrum. Curtis' redux of I Believe I Can Fly was less hammy but not much better than his performance Wednesday night, but I still expected the judges to fall all over him.

Would they use the save? I couldn't imagine that they would, even if Curtis hit every note and made angels weep, because I'm sure they're saving it for one of the ladies, when one of the favorites is falsely put at risk as a way to motivate voters winds up a victim of voter neglect. When Randy revealed the decision on whether to save Curtis wasn't unanimous (which it must be), Nicki said, "I don't feel like we came to a decision. Could we have another minute to discuss it?" (Not that the judges spoke at all during Curtis' performance, because the die was already cast.)

And with that, we said goodbye to someone Ryan labeled, "One of our favorite people ever on the show." Umm, not even close. I'm actually thrilled at this point, and honestly, I don't dislike any of the remaining nine as much as Curtis. So glad he didn't stick around for weeks like previous egomaniacs Michael Lynche and Jacob Lusk.

Will Charlie or Aubrey join the tour? Do you care? I don't. But if I were Nick, Cortez, Elijah, and Vincent, I'd be kind of bummed I finished lower than mega-meltdown Charlie...

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