Book Review: "Porn Again: A Memoir" by Josh Sabarra

At first glance, it would appear that Josh Sabarra has led a pretty charmed life. A former high-level entertainment executive in Hollywood, he's good looking and charming, knows a lot of celebrity gossip, and can count a number of famous people among his friends. He also has a tremendously close relationship with his parents—or perhaps too close.

"My uniquely close relationship with my parents has been a point of intrigue among friends. The frank nature of our conversations—which happen multiple times per day by phone—includes everything from work to romance to sex."

But behind his public persona, Josh was a tremendously insecure person. Tormented from a very young age for being different, for being unathletic and more interested in music, theater, and fashion, he felt much more comfortable around adult women, embarking on friendships with several with whom he felt a kinship. This lack of self-esteem led to overeating, which led to his being overweight, which resulted in body image issues. And because he heard too many negative slurs about gay people—even from his own parents—he sublimated any acceptance of his sexuality—until he was 30 years old.

As he grew older, he became confident with his looks (through lots of plastic surgery as well as diet). Hiding his true self motivated him to succeed in his career, and he quickly rose the ranks as a publicist and marketing executive. But ultimately the pressure of hiding his true self became too much to bear, and he was desperate to find true love, and share the "true Josh" that had been locked underneath the heterosexual, driven façade he created.

Porn Again is the cheeky yet moving story of a man coming to terms with, and eventually loving, who he is. Given the title, the book does go into some explicit detail about his finally exploring his sexuality, through romantic relationships, sexual liaisons, encounters with hired porn stars, online dating and hookup services, and even some celebrities—and he's unabashedly willing to share details.

He's also willing to dish a bit about some of his celebrity friends and former friends. While in some cases he refers to them obliquely, like "Ms. Drama Queen," he spares Ricki Lake in particular no mercy. It's definitely fun to hear about the side of celebrities you may suspect but never have true confirmation.

I really enjoyed this book, both the introspective and the titillating parts. It was much more moving than I expected it to be—so many reviews I've read focused on the gossipy parts instead—and while my life has been significantly less glamorous than Josh's, I can certainly identify with many of the emotions he talked about and the issues of self-esteem and self-acceptance he confronted. This wasn't the book I expected, especially with a title like Porn Again; it's far more than that. This is fun and memorable.