Ash is a successful writer who is clinically depressed. He has been in and out of the hospital and his body bears the scars of his struggles. He has pushed most of his friends away, because he doesn’t like to be pitied. Ash fills the lonely spaces with random sexual encounters but never lets anyone get close to him.
One night at a friend’s bachelor party he meets Darian, a model who is flashy, loud, and passionate about finding joy in every moment. He couldn’t be more different than Ash. But after one wild night, Ash can’t get Darian out of his mind. The initial pull is sexual, but Ash starts enjoying the way he feels when he’s with Darian, even though he’s also nervous that everything will fall to pieces as soon as Ash’s depression is revealed.
The deeper he falls for Darian, the more anxious he becomes about holding it all together. If he allows himself to truly care, does it just open him up to pain when it ends? If he doesn’t feel worthy of being loved, can he let it happen?
“And I’d known this mirage before. These shimmering moments. But they each had their price that must be paid. Looking back brought little comfort, only pain.”
I absolutely loved this book. I’ve always been a fan of Alexis Hall’s writing, but this just pulled me in and didn’t let go. And as someone with depression he captured the feelings and emotions so accurately.
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