Book Review: "Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead" by Mai Nguyen

“That’s one of the great paradoxes of grief I suppose: It touches each and every one of us, yet it has the effect of filling us with an aching, unignorable loneliness.”

Cleo and her husband Ethan are eagerly awaiting the birth of their first baby. Adding to the excitement is the fact that Cleo’s best friend Paloma, who lives across the street, is pregnant, too, and due around the same time. They cannot wait to raise their babies together.

Tragically, something happens during the birth of Cleo and Ethan’s daughter Daisy. She sustained brain damage during delivery, so a few short days later, they take her off life support. They are both overwhelmed by grief, made even a bit more difficult by the fact that Paloma’s baby was perfectly healthy and is fine.

Cleo can’t function. She can’t sleep or eat, she can barely move. Yet there seems to be an expectation that she shouldn’t wallow for too long, that she needs to get back on her feet and live a “normal” life. And then there are all the platitudes and advice that people share, much of which isn’t helpful.

She had taken a year of maternity leave from her job as an actuary, and the company wants her to take that time. Cleo winds up taking a job at a funeral home, as the director’s assistant. In some ways it’s the wrong thing for her to do, yet helping other families deal with their saddest moments does prove cathartic.

I’ll admit that I expected this book to be more maudlin than it was, although it was an emotional read. Cleo is an absolutely fascinating character, and even when she does or says hurtful or unhinged things, I felt for her. I loved how this book demonstrated the messy, nonlinear paths grief can follow.