Friday, April 27, 2012

AI Results Show Recap: Kind of Like Watching "The Rose"...

Well, it was bound to happen sometime. After escaping her "vacation home" in the bottom three maybe four times the entire season, Elise was finally sent home on a fairly paint-by numbers results show which featured Katy Perry as Military Barbie, cranky comments from Uncle Jimmy, the dancing elf that Stefano has become since last season, and Randy wearing a "Yo Yo Yo" pendant now. (I swear, if I see him on QVC in the off-season hawking his jewelry, I will vomit.)

Our contestants received 58 million votes Wednesday night, which apparently was 10 million greater than this time last year. (Amazing what happens when everyone is talented and have different types of voices, no?) To continue with our Queen theme, Ryan (stop it) introduced Queen Extravaganza, a band that apparently Brian May and Roger Taylor chose in a web contest to tour with them. Great band, and the lead singer eerily looks a bit like Freddie Mercury, especially around the mouth. It's a little freakish.

After a Ford Music Video to B.O.B.'s Magic, in which Skylar was the star, and the incredibly pointless meeting between the contestants and the lowlifes at TMZ (at which Nigel Lythgoe inexplicably showed up, further proving he's the one who not only causes half the scandals, but leaks them, too), we got down to Kieran dimming the lights. (I really don't like the whole bringing the contestants down in groups to hear the results thing they're doing, especially when the pairings are totally obvious. I liked when they'd just ambush them on the couch.)

Jessica and Elise were first to learn their fates. Jimmy called Jessica's rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody a "big mistake," but called her Dance with My Father "magnificent." Jimmy didn't like Elise singing I Want It All, calling it something he'd hear in "a nightclub somewhere in the back of beyond," while her choice of Jimi Hendrix's Bold As Love was "doubling down on the bad choices." By this point, Elise had pretty much had it, and she uttered, "I just can't win." This week's most annoying fakeout from Ryan went to Jessica: "Jessica, it's not looking good...for the other five contestants. You are safe."

For some reason, Casey "Zach Galifianakis used to look like this" Abrams was back again, looking more like a homeless person than ever. He prattled about pranks they played on the contestants during last season's tour, I guess as a lead-in to Ryan's announcement about tickets going on sale. And then our favorite squishable singer from last season, Stefano (no more "Langone," apparently) came out to sing his new song, I'm on a Roll. It's a danceable tune, all about how everything is going his way. I think the verses are far too low for his voice, but he sounds good on the chorus. It sounds a lot like a lot of songs on the radio. Kudos for the color coordination of his sneakers (red with black bottoms) with his backup dancers (white with red bottoms). (At one point, Stefano came over and danced by the judges' table, taking J.Lo's hands and shaking Steven's. Like a child, Randy desperately held out his hand, too.)

(As an aside, what is with all of the random hashtags they keep posting throughout the show. Do people really use #stefanoonidol or #telljimmy when they're tweeting? I usually use #shutuprandy or #couldnttheygetabettermentor, if anything.)

Next up, the BFF pairing of Hollie and Joshua for the second week in a row. Like we don't know what's going to happen here? India.Airie apparently tweeted her pleasure about Joshua singing her song so well. Jimmy praised Hollie but wondered if her turnaround was too little, too late, and said if Joshua got voted off, "there's something wrong with the competition, the voting, and the world." Fear not, Uncle Jimmy, Joshua was safe, after Ryan told Hollie, "Last week you reached new heights, this week, you're in the bottom three." (Umm, she was in the bottom three last week, too, even after reaching those new heights. I wish the judges and the writers would pay attention to what actually happens on the show from week to week.)

Katy Perry suited up in sexy military wear to sing Part of Me. With all the people rolling around the stage in camos, I was reminded of a far better military-themed performance, Brandon and Jeanine dancing to Battlefield by Jordin Sparks, on Season 4 of SYTYCD.

On to our final pair, Skylar and Phillip. Jimmy said Skylar did a "very competent" job with The Show Must Go On (more like fricking amazing, IMHO) but called her performance of Tattoos on This Town "self-indulgent," because she dedicated it to her hometown. "You can't just dedicate a song to one town." (By that logic, wouldn't Jessica's dedicating Dance with My Father to her own father be considered self-indulgent as well, since it was only one father?) He said that while the judges thought Skylar won Round 1 of the Wednesday night performances, "she was knocked out in Round 2." Of Phillip's performances, Jimmy had very little kind things to say. He explained that Phillip wasn't feeling well, so his performances were missing his usual energy, and he felt that because of this week, he "has left an opening for someone other than Phillip Phillips in the finale."

Not so, Jimmy, as Phillip was declared safe and Skylar was sent to the stools. Briefly, however, because Ryan then told Skylar she was safe, leaving Hollie and Elise. And, as expected, Elise was eliminated. (I heard her say to Ryan, "well, the good news is they get to hear me sing Whole Lotta Love again." And see how much J.Lo liked it? (She was actually crying and rocking out at the same time.)

And there you have it. Goodbye to our very own Janis Joplin. Remember, some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed and some say love, it is a razor that leads your soul to bleed.

Five contestants remain. I honestly have no idea what will happen once the judges get Hollie sent home next week. Maybe more standing ovations for Joshua?

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