How did this happen? Kieran, did you slip something into Ryan's results envelope before you dimmed the lights? I guess I shouldn't be surprisedI had a feeling Phillip, who had never been in the bottom two or three despite a few shaky performances, would make it, but given Jessica's less-than-stellar performances on Wednesday night, I really thought it would be an all-male finale. But now, it's anyone's guess.
The show had more padding than a pageant contestant's swimsuit (believe me, I know of what I speak), since they're still greedily occupying an hour's worth of time for five minutes of programming. So we were treated to the three finalists' rendition of Earth, Wind, and Fire's Got to Get You Into My Life which was heavy on toe-tapping vocals and light on blended harmonies, a Ford Music Video to Benny Benassi/Skrillex's Cinema (once again, sans Phillip), and a double dose of shilling for Ice Age 3, which I might boycott on principle. (If they air a Ford Music Video next week, will it just feature Jessica alone?)
Lisa Marie Presley barely roused herself to mouth the words to her new single, You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet, which sadly, isn't a remake of the Bachman Turner Overdrive hit. Her band looked like the cast of the original Dark Shadows, and I swear one of her guitarists was wearing a hat Dick Van Dyke sported while singing Chim Chim Cheree in Mary Poppins.
Ryan stopped to talk to Jimmy, Rita Wilson, and songwriter Carole Bayer Sager (to whom the years and Botox have not been kind) to speak about Donna Summer's passing away yesterday. Once again, the other contestants in the top 13 were seated behind Jimmy, and we were treated to infinitely more Heejun face time than I needed. Why do you keep putting him on the aisle, Nigel? He isn't funny.
Adam Lambert performed his new song, We Never Close Our Eyes. You gotta love a guy who coordinates his earrings, his nail polish, and his shirt. (All fluorescent yellow, BTW.) And it was good to see the return of the "Eve Loves Adam" signs from Season 8. Who knew Nigel saved the signs in his basement?
And then it was time for the results. Randy called the contestants "three of the best we've ever had," and said each had a big career in front of them. J.Lo said, "to lose any of you will be heartbreaking," and commented that this season was the first time "she felt connected to all three finalists." (Take that, Haley Reinhart.) And Steven commended each of the finalists for their "courage to have a dream, because without a dream, you can't have a dream." (You can't make this s--t up, I swear.)
Kieran dimmed the lights, and Ryan announced (to the shock of nearly everyone) that Jessica was the first contestant into the finale. Which left Ebony and Ivory, Adam Levine and Usher, and then Ryan told Phillip he had made it into the finale. Interestingly enough, J.Lo's first reaction was to applaud wildly for Phillip, and then she realized she needed to be sad about Joshua's elimination. And as you'd expect, Joshua slayed his farewell song, It's A Man's Man's Man's World, and even brought his mama up on stage with him.
While it certainly would seem that Phillip is a lock for the title, especially since the "white guy with guitar" has now won the last four consecutive seasons, I wouldn't count Jessica out. I just hope it's a good finale, since I've kind of roped myself into recapping it after throwing a temper tantrum and skipping last year's. If I have to hear how old Jessica is, or endure the recounting of