How long until Christmas? I CANNOT WAIT!!

Oh. Emm. Gee.

This apparently hit the internet in the last few days, but I just saw it this morning. By this, I mean the first official trailer for the movie adaptation of one of my favorite musicals of all time, Les Miserables, scheduled to be released on Christmas Day this year.

Starring Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean, Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Amanda Seyfried as Cosette, Eddie Redmayne as Marius, and Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter as Thenardier and his wife, the movie is directed by Academy Award-winning director Tom Hooper (The King's Speech). British actress Samantha Barks, who played Eponine in London, plays Eponine in the film, and thank goodness, as there were rumors Taylor Swift(!) was being considered for the role.

Chills, I tell you. I got chills. And you know I'm buying tickets in advance and seeing the first show on Christmas Day. Because that's what Jewish Christmas is all about anyway.

Book Review: "Canada" by Richard Ford

"First, I'll tell about the robbery our parents committed. Then about the murders, which happened later."

With those words, Richard Ford's weighty but superb new book, Canada, begins. Fifteen-year-old Dell Parsons, and his twin sister, Berner, are living in Great Falls, Montana, in 1960. Their father, Bev, was an affable Air Force pilot with ambition and dreams that were as wide-open as his personality, while their mother, Neeva, is his complete opposite: intelligent, sarcastic, fiercely devoted to hoping her children have a better life than the one she felt forced into. After Bev leaves the Air Force, he bounces from job to job, and finds himself embroiled in criminal scheme after criminal scheme, although he considers himself more of a middleman than a criminal. And when one scheme goes awry, Bev and Neeva decide to rob a bank in a small North Dakota town. Of course, their seemingly foolproof plan doesn't work out in the end, and the two are arrested, leaving Dell and Berner alone.

After Berner runs away rather than face the prospects ahead of her, Dell is spirited away by a friend of his mother's to a drab, prairie town in Saskatchewan, across the Canadian border. There Dell becomes the ward (of sorts) of Arthur Remlinger, an enigmatic, moody, and quirky American who owns a run-down hotel. While Dell tries to figure out what his life will become in Canada, and hopes that Remlinger will be the key to a brighter future, he starts to realize that Remlinger, much like his parents, is not the person he thinks he is. And as Dell is used as a pawn in Remlinger's efforts to protect himself, it is another moment that sets Dell on a path toward a life different than the one he imagined for himself, one in which he realizes he is the only person he can count on.

Like the Montana and Saskatchewan landscapes in the book, Canada is a bleak story. But while you know from the very first lines of the book about the bank robbery and murders that will take place, Richard Ford unfurls the plot little by little. This is a very introspective story, as Dell is disappointed by those in whom he puts his faith and trust, but it is ultimately hopeful as well, because he is able to take these life-changing moments in stride. Ford is a fantastic storyteller and no stranger to books in which the main character is faced with crisis after crisis, yet Canada is never a chore to read. I found myself marveling at Ford's language and wondering exactly how he would tie all of the ends of his story together. The book has a lot of weight (and it is about 450 pages) but it is both compelling and well-written.

Book Review: "13 Million Dollar Pop" by David Levien

Indianapolis private investigator Frank Behr returns in this outstanding third installment of David Levien's series of mystery/thrillers. One night in an underground parking lot, working executive protection detail for multimillionaire businessman Bernard "Bernie Cool" Kolodnik, Frank and his wealthy client are attacked by automatic gunfire. Pinned behind the door of an armored vehicle, Frank returns fire and is able to keep his client protected. While he is hailed as a hero, and receives thanks from a grateful Kolodnik—Frank can't help but investigate the incident himself, and he doesn't understand why the police aren't making more of an effort to figure things out. And when Kolodnik is appointed to fill a vacancy in the U.S. Senate shortly after the attack, everyone around him is in a hurry to pretend the incident never happened.

As Frank digs deeper into the circumstances surrounding the attack, he finds evidence of crooked business deals and layers of betrayal, and he comes face to face with one very angry and lethal hitman. But the more he investigates, the more danger he finds himself in, danger that has repercussions that affect his very pregnant girlfriend, Susan, and others in his life. Yet Frank is unable to shake his need to find answers, no matter what the consequences.

I am a big fan of David Levien's Frank Behr novels, and 13 Million Dollar Pop is a fantastic addition to the series. Frank is a very complicated and conflicted character, and you empathize with him even as you wonder if he is doing the right thing by pursuing the investigation. Levien definitely keeps you guessing as to how the plot will unfold, and the action is taut and fast-paced. If the book reads like it should be made into a movie, it's partially because Levien is also a screenwriter and director, but that doesn't mean the book isn't well-written. This is a series you shouldn't miss, and Frank Behr is a character who you won't forget.

Book Review: "The Invitation" by Anne Cherian

Frances, Jay, Lali, and Vikram met as undergraduates at UCLA. All four had come to the U.S. from India, each from a different walk of life, to pursue some version of the American dream. All four expected to be tremendous successes in life and have even more successful children. Frances and Jay, who met during college, married shortly after graduation and had three children while Frances sold real estate and Jay worked in management. Lali married an American cardiologist and the two had one son, and Vikram founded his own successful computer company and never stopped pursuing his desire to have colossal success.

Twenty-five years later, Vikram has invited his old friends to attend a party celebrating his son Nikhil's graduation from MIT. And while Jay, Frances, and Lali decide to attend the party more out of curiosity than anything else, none of their lives have been as smooth as they believe Vikram's is. Frances, who abandoned the pursuit of her PhD when she started having children, now sells real estate, although she hasn't sold a house in more than a year, Jay's middle-management job isn't quite what he imagined he'd be doing, and their oldest daughter is failing 11th grade. Lali's marriage is struggling as her husband begins to explore his neglected Jewish roots, and her son decides he wants to take a year off from college. And while Vikram is mostly concerned with the appearance of success, his son is not interested in pursuing the path Vikram feels he should. As the four prepare for the party and then meet at Vikram's mansion in Newport Beach, they need to decide how much truth they'll divulge to their friends, not realizing how the truth reveals itself in ways you never expect.

The plot of The Invitation is certainly familiar, but Anne Cherian's adept storytelling hooks you quickly and immerses you in each of the characters' lives and struggles. I felt like Cherian did a good job in trying not to have her characters adhere to cultural stereotypes, although you see how easy it is to slip back into old habits. Ultimately, however, the story veered a bit into melodramatic territory, which I felt undercut the book's effectiveness. I think Cherian is a very good writer, but it seemed to me that she lost a little steam as the book neared its end, although it is still an enjoyable read.

AI Recap: Taking the Title "Home"...

Another season of American Idol is one for the history books, and I, for one, am thrilled Phillip Phillips was crowned the Season 11 winner. While I don't always agree with what happens on this show, I felt nearly the entire season that he put his own twist on everything he performed, and it was a twist I particularly loved. It was sad that his health has gotten to the point where he was barely in the show except for the beginning and the end (he is scheduled to go home to Georgia and have kidney surgery after his publicity obligations are done), so he probably wasn't able to enjoy the moment as much as he would have liked to. And how could you not love that the season ended both with a bang (of confetti that apparently was attracted to people's mouths) and a whimper, as Phillip was so overcome with emotion that he was unable to finish his "coronation" performance of his inaugural single, Home?

Despite my happiness with the show's end result, last night's finale consisted of about 102 minutes of wretched excess, with maybe 25 minutes of genuinely solid or funny entertainment. But people keep slogging through the schlock-fest year after year, so who can blame Nigel and his cohorts for extending the show? Clearly it was the ticket for celebrities like Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin, Dean Cain (who must be Superman, because he actually was appearing on Don't Trust the B-- in Apartment 23 that night), Jane Lynch (a regular), and my beloved Mary Murphy. (Woo hoo! So You Think You Can Dance starts tonight!)

The show set a world record, apparently, with 132 million votes being cast Tuesday night. (I'm guilty of a number of text and phone votes myself...) Could you imagine if we allowed teens and tweens to vote for President, either by text or internet? We'd have a record number of votes...and we'd elect presidents who could play the guitar. Everybody wins!! (Sorry, President Obama, singing Al Green just doesn't cut it anymore.)

We opened with the top 12 (sans Jessica and Phillip) performing Bruno Mars' Runaway Baby, a far less entertaining version than Joshua's Top 7 performance during the season. It was good to see Elise, Erika, Colton, Skylar, and Hollie back on the stage (and that's as far as I'll go), although Joshua probably should steer clear of trying a split next time. Jessica and Phillip were introduced next, and in the tradition of previous finales, both wore all white, although Phillip went with the white henley t-shirt this time.

My joke in a recap a few weeks ago about someone on the production team owing John Fogerty money (because CCR songs were performed two successive weeks) might be more real than I thought, because here he was, performing with Phillip! The duo revisited Have You Ever Seen the Rain, which Phillip sang a few weeks ago, and then broke into a rollicking version of Bad Moon Rising, which Carrie Underwood was seen rocking out to in the audience.

Joshua was up next, singing Elton John's Take Me to the Pilot, a song which mostly consists of the lyrics "Take me to the pilot, lead me to the chamber, take me to the pilot, I am but a stranger, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah..." Then he introduced "one of the biggest inspirations of my life," namely, Season 3 winner Fantasia. I don't know what frightened me more, her skintight, sequined catsuit with leg cutouts or her Morticia Addams wig, but the two of them singing this song with their own special brand of holleration was a little much after a few minutes. When the leg of Fantasia's catsuit got caught on a chair (the two took to roaming the audience and shrieking), they cut to commercial. (My favorite part of this number was the frightened look on Scotty McCreery's face when Fantasia came near him.)

The top 12 ladies sang a Chaka Khan (Chaka Khan!) medley next. Erika and Elise did a funky job with Ain't Nobody, followed by a less successful rendition of Through the Fire from Shannon and Skylar (a twang doesn't work here), and then Hollie and Jessica teamed up for a verse of I'm Every Woman before Ms. Khan herself descended from the stairs wearing her own sequined catsuit. (Fantasia, keep the picture of Chaka Khan on your mirror the next time you plan to leave the house in the outfit you wore last night.) I've noticed that much of I'm Every Woman also is just a lot of vocal emoting, and the cacophony of voices didn't quite help, nor did Ms. Khan's treating the girls like they were backup singers.

Ford finished its season-long product placement with a tribute music video (remember when Phillip used to be in the Ford Music Videos?) and then Ford and Ryan went all Oprah, with "You get a car! And you get a car!" (Cars were given to Jessica and Phillip's music mentors, and then each of them also received a new car.)

Rihanna crawled out of a laser light show straight from the barely seen Tron sequel to sing Where Have You Been?, sporting dreadlocks that made her resemble last year's contestant, Naima Adedaipo. Wouldn't it be nice if we just had performers connected to the show in some way, or at least performing with contestants? For me (for you), this was unnecessary, despite Randy's pandering standing ovation.

Next up, Skylar sang Turn on the Radio with her idol, Reba McEntire. This was a fun performance and their voices blended well together. Reba looks pretty fantastic and looked happy to be there. Ooh, look, it's last year's runner-up, Lauren Alaina, who actually performed this song last season! It's so nice to see everyone coming home. Jessica got a solo opportunity next, reprising (down to the dress she wore) one of her signature performances from this season, I Will Always Love You. Stellar as always.

The top 12 guys (minus Phillip) treated us to a Neil Diamond medley next. It was slightly amusing to hear Heejun's broken English singing America, but the rest of the medley was lackluster, even if Joshua tried to rouse the crowd by shrieking through I'm A Believer. And then the legend himself, Mr. Neil Diamond, descended the stairs (s-l-o-w-l-y, but he is 71) to (as a Facebook friend put it) speak Sweet Caroline, with the guys singing the chorus, complete with the Fenway Park "so good, so good, so good" punctuations.

Probably the funniest moment of the night was a segment they produced to spoof Randy's constant "You could sing the phone book" refrain through the seasons, with the contestants donning choir robes and singing phone numbers and advertisements from the fake phone book. (Loved the line, "That's a spicy bratwurst," when they were singing an advertisement.) When Joshua pretended to go over the top (in a non-Steven way), Skylar shook her head and said, "Every time!"

We spent a good deal of the telecast wondering where J.Lo was, since she wasn't sitting at the judges' table. And then we got our answer: she was going to perform for the third(!) time this season, this time two songs, Goin' In (from yet another sequel to Step Up that doesn't star Channing Tatum) and Follow the Leader. It's good at this point she doesn't care who realizes she's lip syncing. She was a little more dressed than during her last performance, sporting a baseball cap and sparkly pajama-type things. I honestly can't believe she's considering not coming back next season. Where else would she get the promotional platform she does on the show?

Ryan introduced Season 3 runner-up Diana DeGarmo (now sporting brown hair and a significant amount of plastic surgery for a nearly 25-year-old) and her real-life boyfriend, Season 5 contestant Ace Young (whose hair might be longer than Diana's), and called them up onstage. After Ryan feigned interest in their lives for 30 seconds, Ace then got down on one knee and proposed to Diana. It was a sweet, romantic proposal, and Ace even got choked up (I know he played the lead in Hair on Broadway, but I don't think he's that good of an actor), although the romance quotient was slightly diminished when he plugged his jeweler. Diana seemed very surprised and emotional, and naturally, said yes. (I wonder if Julianne Hough got angry that she wasn't the first person proposed to on American Idol. Ooh, scary thought. Almost as scary as when Ryan referred to Randy's wife. Someone married him?)

Hollie descended into dramatic fog to sing You'll Never Walk Alone, and was joined onstage by Season 6 winner Jordin Sparks, who sang that song during her season. And as the smoke cleared, Ryan reminded us that we had lost another music legend, Robin Gibb, so what better way to pay homage than to have the top 12 guys sing a Bee Gees medley? Joshua tried nobly on To Love Somebody, but the performances of How Do You Mend a Broken Heart and How Deep Is Your Love kind of, well, flatlined. (And with his jacket and his hair during this performance, Colton resembled Suze Orman.)

Jessica then had the opportunity to duet on And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going with Tony Award winner Jennifer Holliday, who originated the role of Effie in Dreamgirls. Many times during the song I worried that Jennifer was going to unhinge her jaw and swallow Jessica whole. But all of the emotion that Jennifer brought to the performance pushed Jessica's performance to greater heights. It also proved once again that Jessica is at her best when she's interpreting someone else's songs.

And the constant parade of performances continued, with Aerosmith's turn to take the stage. (Glad that Joe Perry has fully gotten over his disapproval of Steven taking the judging gig.)

Just a few minutes left, kids. Jessica and Phillip sang Up Where We Belong (sung coincidentally by Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice during the Season 4 finale), and it was clear that Phillip really wasn't feeling well, because he sat on a stool during the entire performance. Then Ryan invited them both onstage, where they thanked everyone involved with the show, the fans, etc., and then Edward Boddington, the dapper founder of Telescope, which counts the votes, verified the whole 132 million figure and then patted Nigel on the back.

It was time for Ryan to announce the big news, and surprisingly, he didn't toss it to a commercial before revealing that Phillip was the winner. Ever the opportunist, Heejun rushed Phillip to congratulate him, although clearly they have a close relationship. Scotty brought up Phillip's guitar and the new trophy they've been giving out, and Phillip started to sing his first single, Home. He got through about a verse when he was overcome with emotion (not to mention the confetti), and after struggling through tears onstage, took off his guitar and walked down to hug his family. It was a tremendously moving moment, and one you knew was completely genuine.

Of course, there are a lot of grumblers out there who have lamented whether a female singer will ever be able to win this show again given the lock young men seem to have on the title. (Two men have won on the two seasons of The Voice as well.) As I said yesterday, there's no disputing Jessica's talent, and I'm sure she'll have an amazing career, but I feel like the emotion and fun and passion Phillip brought to his performances outshone the technical qualities Jessica brought to the table. I certainly hope that Phillip has more success than the last few winners, to prove to the naysayers he has more depth than a simple "White guy with guitar."

And that's a wrap. Thanks for joining me on this journey, folks. I plan to start recapping So You Think You Can Dance once everybody gets to Hollywood, so I hope you'll check those recaps out!

Willy Wonka fans, time to tap into your life savings...

Those of you who know me well are aware that my favorite movie of all time is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The original, with Gene Wilder—not the unnecessary remake with Johnny Depp. I remember watching the movie numerous times as a young child, but while attending summer camp in 1981, I contracted the chicken pox, so I spent almost seven days in the camp infirmary. In the early days of VCRs (remember those?), the infirmary only had a few videotapes for us to watch—Grease, Meatballs, The Sound of Music and, blissfully, Willy Wonka. During those seven days I must have watched that movie 50-60 times—my fellow infirmary residents and I even acted out many of the musical numbers.

I still watch the movie from time to time and know it by heart; my senior quote was a line from the movie, "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." I have the soundtrack on my iPod. And I'll admit that one of my greatest moments was meeting Diana Sowle, the actress who played Charlie's mother, while I was working at Suncoast Motion Picture Company in Washington, D.C.-area shopping mall in 1991. (We were, in fact, showing the movie at that moment, and she walked in the store and nonchalantly said, "That's me." I nearly died.)

So when my friend and colleague (and fellow Willy Wonka fan) Sean shared this announcement with me, about an upcoming auction of memorabilia from the movie, I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to have unlimited disposable income to pick some of this stuff up?"

A number of items are up for auction, but here are two of the most notable:

First, the iconic costume worn by Gene Wilder during the movie. The costume consists of a flamboyant purple velvet frock coat, wool & camelhair slacks, off-white shirt, distinctive purple and violet lamé vest with floral design, and a satin bow tie. They're expecting this to garner between $80,000 and $120,000! (What a hit I'd be in my office with this outfit!)

The second item is one of only two existing, screen-used Everlasting Gobstoppers. This one was owned by Julie Dawn Cole, who played the insufferably spoiled Veruca Salt. ("Daddy, I want an Everlasting Gobstopper now! I want an Everlasting Gobstopper right away!") It is expected to be sold for $20,000-$30,000. (You can also own the Golden Egg, screen used by Julie Dawn Cole during the "I Want it Now" musical number, also expected to fetch between $20,000 and $30,000.)

Sure, it's not realistic to desire this memorabilia, but I figure if Michael Jackson could have owned The Elephant Man's bones, why not own an Everlasting Gobstopper?

Oompa loompa doompa de doo, I got another puzzle for you...

AI Recap: "It's in the Hands of the Universe, Now..."

And here we are, kids. Live from the Nokia Theater, it's time for "the tightest finale in Idol history." According to our nattily attired Ryan, this is a battle between "the 21-year-old pawnshop worker and the 16-year-old powerhouse, it's guy vs. girl, east vs. west, unique artist vs. talented mimic." (Oh, wait. Ryan didn't say the last one. My bad.) J.Lo came dressed for battle in a one-sleeved, black sequined top that could have easily been worn by a member of the Borg from Star Trek. (Resistance is futile.)

For the first and only time all season, the show ran an hour. (Boy, I had forgotten what it was like when they ran the show with no silly filler.) The contestants sang one song "chosen" by Simon Fuller, pick one of their favorite performances from the season, and then sing the single they'd release if they win. Phillip won the coin toss, so he chose to sing second, leaving "the pride of Chula Vista, California" to sing first.

Simon Fuller "picked" I Have Nothing for Jessica's first song. Wow, there's an original choice. Not only has Jessica already sang Whitney Houston this season, but this song has been performed on the show more times than the judges gave Joshua standing ovations. (Seriously. Trenyce sang it in Season 2, Leah LaBelle and Jennifer Hudson sang it in Season 3, Vonzell Solomon sang it in Season 4, Katharine McPhee sang it in Season 5, LaKisha Jones sang it in Season 6, heck, even Shannon Magrane sang it earlier this season.) She sounded good and hit some terrific notes, although she lost her tempo at the end and rushed through some of the lyrics. In a strange change, the judges wouldn't be asked to give feedback until both contestants performed.

For Phillip's first song, Simon "chose" Ben E. King's Stand By Me, previously performed by Bo Bice in Season 4, David Archuleta in Season 7, and Danny Gokey in Season 8. I really enjoyed this performance—I thought he changed up the melody in some really effective ways, and the entire song fit really nicely with his voice.

After both contestants left the stage, Ryan approached the judges and said, "Let's gossip," asking for them to call the winner of Round 1. J.Lo took about 90 seconds to explain that it was a tough choice between a singer with power and nuance and a modern-day crooner who was authentic, so it really depended upon what America wanted. Randy wasn't so indecisive, calling Round 1 easily for Jessica. When the show returned from commercial, J.Lo said she "seconded the motion" that Jessica won the round. Steven was in a daze.

Jason Derulo showed up next to sing the new song they had been threatening us with promoting the entire season. (It would have been nice if Jason's girlfriend, Jordin Sparks, could have sung with him, as that would have given the song slightly more relevancy.) The whole segment was sponsored by Coca-Cola, yet basically Jason sang the song sitting on a folding chair in the middle of a blank stage. Maybe I should drink some more Diet Coke if times are that tough that they can't afford scenery?

For her second song, Jessica chose to reprise her Top 25 performance, The Prayer. I thought she tried far too many runs in the very beginning of the song, but vocally, she sounded powerful, pure, and lovely. Phillip revisited his Billy Joel week performance, Movin' Out (Anthony's Song). Interestingly enough, being the gigantic Billy Joel fan that I am, I really didn't like his rendition when he originally performed it during the season, but this time I felt he brought a swagger and a deeper tone to the performance. (As always, he plays so well against the energy of the band.)

Steven roused himself to say something about Phillip being a good egg, but "you have to either hatch or go bad, and although he hatched some," he called Round 2 for Jessica. Randy disagreed, saying it was "a complete dead heat," while J.Lo said Phillip won the second round, because while she had seen Jessica perform similarly many times, this was "an authentic Phillip Phillips performance."

Which brings us to the contestants' final songs, the first single the winner will release. Jessica's song was a pop monstrosity called Change Nothing, which, like everything else she has sung this season, was a little more adult than she is. It also wasn't in the right key for her, as at times she struggled with her lower register, and the chorus was a wee bit sharp. Ultimately the song proved Jessica's strengths and weaknesses—she's a tremendously talented singer who can mold her voice to fit different styles and sing like other big voices, but when it comes to setting an individual style for herself, she's just not capable.

This time, the judges gave feedback directly after the performances, and they all agreed they didn't like the song. Randy said that Jessica has "urban swagger, like Beyonce," and needs a single that isn't a straight pop ballad, although she "brought the song to life." J.Lo said that while she "sang the song really well," it wasn't a song she'd choose for Jessica to record. She then advised Jessica, "When you go to make your record—and you're going to make many records—you need to be able to say of a song, 'It's not me,' or 'It's me and I can put a cool kind of twist on it.'" Steven told Jessica, "I know how good you sing and so do millions of other people, but that song didn't show off your voice or take us where you have so many times before." Now many on the interwebs again are alleging Jessica was sabotaged. But herein lies the proof she wasn't. She told Ryan she agreed with the judges and wanted to do something a little more urban, "But this is the finale, so I picked a song that could show off my voice. When I make a record—if I do—I'll definitely want to do something different." So there. She picked the song herself, conspiracy theorists.

Phillip's potential single is a little ditty called Home. It definitely (as name-dropper Randy would attest to in his feedback) has a Mumford & Sons-type feel, with a Coldplay's Paradise-type refrain of "oh's." Phillip was totally in the groove during this song, and at one point during the performance he was accompanied by a marching band, which was super cool and in no way as over the top as it sounds. I thought it was one of the best finale songs I've seen performed and one I will (hopefully) play over and over and over again. And when the song ended, Phillip looked around at the 70,000 people in the Nokia Theater and muttered a shy "Wow" out of the corner of his mouth. This and the emotions he showed during his homecoming demonstrate to me that he is still the humble guy he was when he started, despite J.Lo's flirting and young girls screaming his name.

The judges gave him a standing ovation and Randy was even cheering. He said, "Dude, I loved the song, I loved you. It was the best performance of the night, with that Mumford & Sons/Fleet Foxes vibe to it. It was brilliant. Genius." J.Lo said the song was "like nothing I've ever heard on the radio, and it was so different I honestly can't think of anything like it." Interestingly, Steven was fully awake at this point, and said, "By virtue of your vulnerability and style, you've made the world your home, my friend." He talked about hearing Paul Simon and "other ungodlike [sic] creatures" in Phillip's vocals and then proclaimed, "You were perfect tonight. I think you're the man." (This, of course, despite his earlier assessment that Jessica won Rounds 1 and 2.)

With a few minutes left I thought Ryan would ask the judges to further manipulate the results the way Nigel wanted call a winner, but instead he gave each finalist the opportunity to say something to each other. Jessica called Phillip "such an amazing performer, which is why he's here, and I'm so glad to be in this moment with him." Phillip mumbled that "I'm not good at talking in front of millions of people staring at me," but he called Jessica, "an absolutely amazing singer, one of the best I've ever heard, especially at 16. She has a huge future ahead of her."

With that, "It's in the hands of the universe, now," Ryan proclaimed. (Umm, way to stay humble, Seacrest.) Then last year's winner, Scotty McCountry (umm, McCreery) came out to sing Please Remember Me,, the song they've played all season when contestants have been eliminated. They were supposed to show a montage of the season, but the camera crew must have been asleep by then, because we kept seeing the montage on the jumbo screen without close-ups, and instead were treated to side-shots of Scotty and his band. Not the crew's finest few minutes.

So, what do you think will happen tonight? Other than 110 minutes of filler and lots of footage of Heejun preening, that is. (I wish there was someone out there who was as funny as Heejun thinks he is. Does he think his making stank faces into the camera is appealing in any way?) It will be nice to see some of the contestants perform duets and group numbers with celebrities—anyone think Mary J. Blige might show up to duet with Joshua?

In the end, I feel like Phillip has demonstrated far better what kind of artist he will be than Jessica has. There's no denying her amazing voice, and she'll certainly have a career, but as Simon Cowell used to say, "This isn't just a singing competition." Believe me, if it was, we would have seen several different contestants in the top 13 than we did. While Phillip has never been in the bottom two or three before, I just don't know if he'll win, because I think the show desperately wants someone other than another "White guy with guitar" to win for the fifth season in a row. But I'll definitely be disappointed if Jessica wins.