Book Review: "Something Like Gravity" by Amber Smith

"It's hard to figure out what you're supposed to be when you've never even really known who you were in the first place—that was something I'd realized only recently. Something I didn't think my friends would understand. After all, I looked the same and dressed the same and talked the same as I always had. But I wasn't the same."

Chris and Maia meet for the first time when he almost hits her with his car. Neither one is really paying attention, but both feel some sort of connection. Their next few encounters don't improve much, more because Maia misreads Chris' intentions. Yet life continues to throw their paths together until they simply can't stay away from each other.

Both are nursing some serious wounds. Chris is in North Carolina for the summer, taking a break from his parents and his New York hometown, where he was physically assaulted by several classmates shortly after coming out as transgender. Maia is still reeling from the sudden death of her older sister, and is trying to figure out how to move on, while understanding just what their relationship meant.

"I was starting to understand that there's also a price that comes with being a boy, one that's different from being a girl. Maybe the price is more one of a responsibility—to not only be a decent person, like everyone else, and not only to not turn scary or mean or dangerous, but to never forget."

Little by little they begin to open up to one another (although not fully), and their relationship starts to deepen. However, both are keeping secrets which could topple anything they've built. At the same time, both are dealing with fractured relationships with their parents, too. It's a lot for any teenagers to handle, much less two with so much emotional baggage.

Falling in love often requires taking a leap, a leap of faith and trust. It forces us to be braver than we think we can be, but it also leaves us more vulnerable than we'd ever want to be, yet the payoff can be greater than we'd even hope. In Amber Smith's beautiful new novel Something Like Gravity, two teenagers feel the strong pull of love and attraction yet must battle the opposing forces that threaten to undo them.

I loved this book and thought it was so well-written. Over the last few months I've started reading more books with transgender characters in them and they've really helped me understand how similar and different our experiences are. Smith created characters you root for, even when they annoy you, and I felt that I was viewing the story through a very fragile shell of poignancy and emotion which deepened the beauty of the book.

Sure, some of the plot is predictable, although Smith kept my worries at bay that the plot might veer too far into melodramatic territory a few times. I really enjoyed the parallels between love and gravity, as I never honestly thought about how similar the two can be.

This is the first of Smith's books I've read, but I'm definitely going to read her earlier work. I really was drawn into her storytelling and the love she had for her characters. I always know I enjoyed a book when I want to know what happens after the story ends—perhaps we'll see Maia and Chris again someday.

NetGalley and Margaret K. McElderry Books provided me an advance copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making it available!

Book Review: "Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl" by Andrea Lawlor

Sometimes I find myself lamenting that there are very few original stories out there anymore, that too many books seem too similar to one another. And then I read a book like Andrea Lawlor's Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl, and that lamentation flies out the window.

Holy crap.

Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl is sexy, crazy, confusing, bizarre, funny, and one of the most utterly creative stories I've read in a really long time. I'm not sure if I understand what Lawlor was trying to say but they took me on one hell of a journey with this book.

Paul is a young, handsome gay man living in Iowa City in the mid-1990s. He's smart, well-read, friendly, and has mastered the art of winning the attention of those he's attracted to. Not a day goes by when Paul doesn't have an encounter with someone he meets, someone he knows, or someone he barely acknowledges, beyond the simple act of sex.

"He was glad to be a known homosexual—it allowed him a daring way with girls."

The thing is, Paul isn't just any young man—he's a shapeshifter. He can transform himself physically between male and female based on his whims. All he needs to do is concentrate and his body changes—parts grow and disappear, his hair grows and recedes. (My sister had a Skipper doll that "grew up" when you turned her arm, and I kept thinking about that when I read this.)

With a wardrobe change he can quickly go from preppy college student to butch lesbian or leather boy, and no one ever suspects his authenticity. (He just can't lose focus, or things might slide back to his "normal" male self.)

Only one person knows his secret, his best friend Jane. When the two travel to a womyn's music festival, Jane and Polly (Paul's alter ego) are ready for two weeks of fun and unbridled sex, and he looks forward to embodying this role for an extended period of time. Yet Paul is unprepared to fall in love, and is definitely unprepared for the crazy set of events that occur next.

I knew next to nothing about this book, and I think part of its appeal lies in the element of surprise, that the plot unfolds without the reader having much expectation about what's to come. The plot is essentially divided into thirds, and I found the first and third sections more interesting than the middle. Lawlor is a great storyteller, and they really did a terrific job with place and time, truly evoking the feel of the 1990s.

This book is definitely not for everyone, but if you're willing to give it a shot, you'll probably be charmed by Paul as well. He's completely imperfect, he's mean to those who care most about him, but he keeps you drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

Book Review: "Brave Face: A Memoir" by Shaun David Hutchinson

Shaun David Hutchinson is one of my favorite YA authors. His books—particularly We Are the Ants and At the Edge of the Universe—are full of emotion, pain, love, and, ultimately, hope. I've always wondered how a writer can plumb such difficult emotional depths, and after reading Hutchinson's new memoir, Brave Face, I understand that he has traveled those depths, and only now has the perspective to reflect upon them.

The teenage years are difficult for many to navigate emotionally. When Hutchinson realized, after a number of years of dating various female classmates, that he was gay, he didn't know how to handle it. His views, and what he believed were society's views of gay people, were the stereotypically flamboyant and fussy characters he saw in movies and on television, and he worried that if he acknowledged his sexuality, he'd doom himself to a life of tawdry sex and drugs and, ultimately, death from AIDS.

As if this self-loathing wasn't enough, Hutchinson simultaneously wanted to find people like him and wanted nothing to do with other gay people, for fear that he'd open himself up to the threat of violence, or worse, AIDS. But in the midst of this difficult period of depression, he realized that writing was cathartic, although he didn't necessarily think he had any writing talent.

Brave Face is a difficult book to read because of Hutchinson's extreme depression and self-loathing, especially because he didn't understand why he felt the way he did. He used cutting and burning, and sometimes punching a file cabinet, to help alleviate some of the emotional pressure, but he never felt truly better. Even meeting other gay men didn't seem to work, because he didn't believe he was worthy of being loved, so he pushed away those who really cared about him and instead wound up with people who hurt him and his self-worth even more.

As difficult as this book is to read, however, it is an important one. I definitely recognized glimpses of myself at that period of my life while reading this book, and although I didn't experience the lows that Hutchinson did, there definitely were times I felt truly alone and unworthy, and wondered what the point of continuing to live truly was. Luckily, I had a stronger support network of friends who were able to lift me up, but it was still a difficult time.

"I'd begun to realize that my fear of being gay and my depression were two separate issues. I wasn't depressed because I was gay. I was depressed and I was gay. Being gay doesn't make a person depressed any more than being depressed makes a person gay. My self-hate was caused by my complete misunderstanding of myself and what being gay meant. My depression simply used it as a way to beat me down."

One of the messages that many in the LGBTQ community have shared over the last 10 years or so is "It Gets Better." While some have criticized that as an easy cop-out, because it may get harder before it gets better, and sometimes being told it gets better while you're at your lowest actually makes you feel worse. Hutchinson acknowledges that difficulty—sometimes it gets worse and it gets better. But it can get better.

"The problem had never been that I didn't know who I was; it was that I'd assumed who I was wasn't good enough. But he was. I was. And you are too."

I loved this book and hope it finds its way into the hands of those who need it. Even years after those struggles I still need to hear some of the things Hutchinson had to say, and his voice is as powerful in his memoir as it is in his novels. He acknowledges that it was difficult to write this book at times, but I'm so glad he did, because we needed to hear his words, see his experiences and his emotions through the filter of our own lives.

Perhaps this book will help some realize that when they feel most alone, that no one understands them, someone does.

Book Review: "Bloom" by Kevin Panetta and Savanna Ganucheau

I don't know exactly what led me to read Bloom, the wonderful new graphic novel by Kevin Panetta and Savanna Ganucheau, especially considering that I had read exactly one graphic novel before this, and it didn't quite make an impact on me. But something about this story of friendship, love, family, and baking captured my attention, and it has definitely piqued my interest in reading more graphic novels in the future.

Ari's family owns a bakery that has fallen on hard times. They're struggling to make ends meet, hoping they won't have to close. Even though Ari loved baking with his father as a child, the last thing he wants to do now is spend his days slaving over hot ovens. He isn't quite sure what he wants to do now that high school is over, although he and his friends are talking about trying to make it with their band. But his parents need him to help them—for as long as it takes.

In an effort to find a way out of the bakery, Ari places an ad looking for a replacement. He finds Hector, a young man in town recovering after the death of his grandmother, who loves baking more than anything else. As Hector breathes new life into the bakery, he and Ari begin to develop a friendship, the intensity of which surprises both of them. This relationship could be the start of something special—if only Ari's impulsive behavior doesn't ruin everything.

Ganucheau's illustrations are absolutely beautiful, and they are full of emotion and life. At times I found myself re-reading portions of the book so I could spend some time concentrating on the illustrations. This is a simple story, but it had so much heart, and I found myself rooting for Ari and Hector's relationship to flourish, even when Ari screwed things up.

Graphic novels may not be for everyone. Honestly, I might have thought I was one of those people until I read Bloom. It put a smile on my face and charmed me completely. Can you really ask for anything more from a book?

Book Review: "A Mark on My Soul" by Jordon Greene

Sometimes when reading a book the plot is so unrealistic that I can't stretch my disbelief as far as I need to in order to appreciate it. Other times, however, the plot of a novel is far too realistic that it makes me sad and/or angry because reality is far too depressing.

Reading Jordon Greene's A Mark on My Soul left me angry and sad, not because I didn't like it or it wasn't well-written, but rather the plot was far too real, far too common, and that's really depressing.

Noah Andrews has just started his senior year of high school in North Carolina. He's thinking about college, particularly how much he'd love to attend the University of Illinois, which has a terrific architecture school. He's thinking about what life will be like if his two best friends wind up at their first-choice schools, which are totally different from his. More than that, however, he's thinking about how to tell his parents, his friends, everybody, his big secret: he's gay.

"Dammit, it should be easy to come out. I mean, Mom and Dad aren't a problem. I'm not worried they'll disown me or tell me some crap like I'm going to hell or take away my stuff. I'm just afraid they'll look at me differently. I don't know, like I'll be their gay son Noah instead of just Noah. I just want to be Noah Andrews, the simple, slightly nerdy, socially awkward guy, minus the big-ass secret."

After many false starts, Noah finds the courage to tell his two best friends, then his parents, and then he feels comfortable enough to share his secret with those who follow him on social media. Sure, he gets some pathetic responses from a few people, but for the most part, people praise his bravery for finally being able to tell the truth about himself.

On the same night he publicly comes out, he receives an email from a classmate who says that he admires him and, more importantly, that he likes him. He even thinks Noah is hot. At first the boy is too afraid to reveal his identity, because he's not ready to come out. But the more they correspond, the closer they get despite the anonymity, so they finally make a plan to meet. And just when Noah feels like he has it all, the prejudice and homophobia of the real world intrude in far too many ways.

Even though you may be able to see where the plot of A Mark on My Soul is going, I decided to be fairly vague so you can let it unfold for you. There are definitely elements of Love, Simon in this story (at one point Noah even quotes Jennifer Garner's pivotal scene from that movie). However, much of the plot is far more troubling, raw, and disturbing than that, and that's because the things that happen actually happen every day in our country.

Greene is a tremendously talented writer and he has created characters that I cared about, characters whose happiness I found myself invested in. There were a number of times where I wanted to shake some of the characters and make them see the truth that was happening right in front of them, but that doesn't happen in real life either.

A Mark on My Soul isn't a feel-good read, but it is a vitally important one. I hope this book makes people realize that the world may be better for LGBT kids than it was 5, 10, 20 years ago, but there is still more homophobia, more hatred, even close to home, than there should be. It needs to stop. Now.

Book Review: "Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens" by Tanya Boteju

Tanya Boteju's debut novel, Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens is an unabashedly charming book about finding yourself and being true to who you are. It's a book with humor, sensitivity, and so much heart, and it definitely left me with a smile on my face. (It's much less conspicuous to smile on a plane while reading rather than cry your eyes out!)

Nima Kumara-Clark has just finished her junior year of high school, but she doesn't see much excitement on the horizon this summer outside of hanging out with her best friend, Charles. She's longing for something to shake her life up, and given that she's spent a few years nursing an obsessive love for Ginny, her straight best friend, it doesn't appear that love is in the cards for her either.

One night during the local summer festival, she has a chance encounter with Deidre, a drag queen, who takes her to her first drag show. Nima is quickly taken under Deidre's wing, and she feels tremendously comfortable for the first time in her life, which is a change from her usual awkwardness. She is also utterly unprepared for the way the show makes her feel, especially when she sees a performance by Winnow, a sexy drag king.

"With each passing moment, I'd get that feeling you sometimes have the moment you're about to flip the final page of a really good book, when your anticipation for what happens next overwhelms you, but you also know that turning the page means you're closer to an end. This was a story I didn't want to end."

It seems as if Winnow shares the same attraction and feelings for Nima once the two meet. Nima has been disappointed too many times before, and she's not sure if she's ready to fully acknowledge her sexuality or let her guard down again. But she's also unafraid to let another opportunity to find love pass her by.

As Nima's friendship with Deidre deepens, and her interest in Winnow grows (as does the number of awkward encounters between them), she also has to deal with a number of other issues—Charles' jealousy of this new "life" she has found, the confusing behavior and mood swings of a childhood friend-turned-bully, and the re-emergence of her mother, who left Nima and her father more than a year ago with no explanation. It's a lot of emotional pressure for a young woman on the cusp of embracing her true self and taking the first few steps toward self-acceptance.

Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens is a fun read, and some of the characters are so tremendously vivid that they capture your heart. There's so much spirit in this book, but there's also a lot of emotion, as the characters have to come to terms with their identity, acknowledge the pain caused by others, and find the courage to step outside their comfort zone.

I enjoyed this book very much, and read it during the course of a plane ride. I did feel there were many issues that were left unresolved, including what was going on with Gordon, and Nima's relationship with her mother. That was a little frustrating. I also wasn't really sure about Deidre—was she a drag queen, a trans woman, or something else? I can only hope that Boteju might have a follow-up book planned to provide some answers.

Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens will leave you smiling, humming, and, depending on where you are when you're reading this, dancing. This book is full of positivity and hopefully, when it falls into the right hands, may help lots of teenagers and adults begin the journey toward self-acceptance.

Book Review: "We Are Okay" by Nina LaCour

"I wonder if there's a secret current that connects people who have lost something. Not in the way that everyone loses something, but in the way that undoes your life, undoes your self, so that when you look at your face it isn't yours anymore."

Marin (pronounced like the county in California) was once surrounded by people who loved her. She was raised by her grandfather since her mother's death when she was young, and Marin and her best friend, Mabel, were inseparable. She even was close to Mabel's parents, who treated her a bit like she was their own daughter.

But Marin fled her California home in the wake of a discovery and a tragedy, and now she is poised to spend Christmas by herself in her dorm room in chilly New York. Although her roommate has helped Marin navigate the many awkward moments and uncertainties of freshman year in college, she still considers herself to be a loner, unworthy of the attention people are paying her and unsure of how to interact with people.

What Marin is most apprehensive about during the holidays is facing Mabel, who is coming to visit from California for three days. The two haven't spoken since Mabel left for college, just before the tragedy that sent Marin running. Mabel doesn't understand what happened to her friend, and why she hasn't responded to almost all of her texts, calls, and emails. And no one understands why Marin left her old life behind.

Marin isn't sure she's ready to share the truth with anyone, let alone Mabel. If she does, she also will have to confront her feelings, which have mostly remained hidden all this time, and she may have to accept how much things have changed. She's also afraid to let her guard down and leave her heart open, for fear that once again she might be left with nothing.

What happened back in California that made Marin run and not look back? Why is she willing to be alone rather than share her pain, her fears, her grief with those who love her? Why would she rather be alone than try to make friends and move on with her life?

Nina LaCour's We Are Okay is nearly 250 pages long, but it packs a potent, emotional punch. This is a thought-provoking, tremendously poignant book that so deftly explored how grief and betrayal can truly destroy a person, and how when we need rescuing the most we're unwilling to let anyone help. At the same time, the book painted a fascinating picture about friendship, and how it can bring both joy and pain.

I loved the book that LaCour wrote with David Levithan, You Know Me Well, and this book cemented my admiration of the way she writes. I was a little confused by some elements of the plot and it took a while for Marin to reveal—to Mabel and to the reader—the reasons behind her actions. (I'll admit I still was unclear for longer than I should have been!) But those issues notwithstanding, this book left me a teary-eyed mess when I read it in one sitting on a flight.

Books about friendships and how they shape us—for better or worse—always appeal to me, and We Are Okay is an excellent addition to that oeuvre. Pick it up for the emotion; stay for LaCour's sensational storytelling.

Book Review: "Swipe Right for Murder" by Derek Milman

Swipe Right for Murder is utterly preposterous, possibly more prescient than I'd like to acknowledge, and immensely sensitive. It's an homage to classic films where the mostly innocent man finds himself caught in a web of suspicion and trouble, yet at the same time it reads more like a movie with someone like Shia LaBeouf.

Seventeen-year-old Aidan is a high school senior, desperate to find someone to love. His parents have kept their emotional distance since he came out of the closet, allowing him to go to boarding school. He has good friends, yet he always feels that they treat him like a kid and don't take him seriously.

With a free night at a posh hotel in New York City, Aidan does what any horny teenager might—looks for a hookup on a "dating" app. After a disastrous encounter with a closeted classmate, he finds an older man. And when Aidan wakes up in the man's hotel room in the middle of night, everything has gone awry—the man is dead, Aidan gets a mysterious phone call from a man addressing him as someone else, and he threatens Aidan and his family if he doesn't "give it" to him. But as menacing as the call is, the man also seems to know more about the issues that Aidan struggles with emotionally, and taps into his greatest regrets and fears.

The phone call catapults Aidan into a severe case of mistaken identity, putting him on the run from the authorities (who may or may not be the good guys), his family, and a shadowy terrorist group with an interesting set of priorities. Along the way, he meets a handsome stranger whose loyalties are confusing, he struggles with his own fears and issues, and he has to tap into his inner action hero more than a time or two. Will he help save the day? Does he want to stop the terrorists from their mission—which at its core isn't wrong, even if their methods are?

Swipe Right for Murder is full of twists and turns, double crosses, and lots of jarring action. But at the same time, there is a lot of raw emotion in this book, too, as Aidan is forced to confront some of his greatest anxieties, fears, and regrets. Many of the feelings Aidan has are familiar to those whom have come to terms with their sexuality and/or struggled with self-esteem and the desire to be loved. There are some tremendously powerful scenes interspersed with the craziness.

"I hate this thing inside myself, this need to become attached to people, this brutal loneliness that drives me, drives all my mistakes."

This book really reads like a movie, but it was very uneven for me. At times it was just so utterly ludicrous and complicated that I considered stopping but then there would be a powerfully poignant scene and I just kept on with it. I think if you can completely suspend your disbelief and just enjoy the ride, it may be a fun book for you. There's no disputing Derek Milman's ability to tell a good story; there was just far too much going on for me here.

NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company provided me an advance copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making it available!

This book will be published August 6, 2019.

Book Review: "Out East: Memoir of a Montauk Summer" by John Glynn

Self-esteem can be a powerful weapon, but a lack of it can cause us more problems than we could ever imagine. At age 27, John Glynn was seriously suffering from a general feeling of unworthiness, a debilitating sense of loneliness that he couldn't explain, nor could he determine its source. He wondered if he would ever find someone to love, someone to be with, and if he did, would they love him back? His parents told him to be patient, but with many of his college friends pairing up, he worried that happiness might be unlikely.

John had always been driven by companionship and camaraderie, even growing up with his cousins. So in 2013, when the opportunity arose to join a few friends in a share house in Montauk, he jumped at it, and little did he know how much it would change his life.

The house, nicknamed the Hive, slept up to 31 people, and was a hub of activity every summer weekend. It didn't take John to feel like he was fitting in on his weekends at the Hive, maneuvering between different groups of friends, helping them with their own relationship-related crises, and spending the majority of the days in a sunburned, drunken haze. But there still was a nagging, almost paralyzing feeling that something—and someone—was missing, and it threatened to derail all of his happiness that summer.

But then he met another new member of the Hive, and things started to come into focus for John for the first time. With this new connection came a feeling of happiness, of possibility, but at the same time, new anxieties cropped up, accompanied by his old friend, unworthiness. John isn't sure what all of this means and he's afraid of the upheaval pursuing this person could cause, but he also can't imagine the possibility of not doing so.

Out East is a moving story about a man's struggle to find himself and his self-worth, and discover that until he believes himself deserving of love he might never find it. At the same time it's a tremendously compelling look at how our relationships with family and friends throughout our childhood influence what we search for in adulthood. I also was struck by the fact that a young man who appeared to have it all from the outside—good looks, a good job, a loving and supportive family, a friendly personality—could struggle so much with believing he was worthy.

While it is a memoir, I found Out East to provide a tremendously entertaining look at the culture of excess that pervades many house shares in areas like the Hamptons. It felt like watching a soap opera or reality program in which these confident, beautiful people who appear to have it all are as much a mess as everyone else (if not more), and their drunken escapades. There are relationship crises galore, hook-ups, and fun memories to observe from the reader's vantage point, all of which made me glad I'm older and perhaps a little sad I didn't experience this lifestyle at least once in my life, even in a minor way.

I really enjoyed this book. Glynn didn't pull any punches in sharing his emotions or how he might have been perceived during that time, and his honesty really shined through. He's a terrific writer because he even made me care about people with whom I had barely anything in common, and I wondered what would come of them in the future.

If you're looking for a terrific memoir that feels like a beach read, pick up Out East. You may feel like you wandered into a frat party, but you'll discover so much more if you stay.

Book Review: "Like A Love Story" by Abdi Nazemian

Wow, this book hit very close to home for me.

It's 1989 in New York City. Reza has just moved with his mother to live with his wealthy new stepfather and stepbrother, and attend his final year of high school. He knows he likes boys but all he sees in the media are images of people dying of AIDS, so he knows he has to keep his true self hidden.

Judy has always been her own person, an aspiring fashion designer with a bold sense of style. She spends all of her spare time with her best friend, Art, and her uncle, Stephen, who is dying of AIDS and is a prominent member of ACT UP. The one thing Judy wants to find is love, but she doubts she'll ever find anyone to love her for who she is.

Art is out and proud, a talented photographer who tries to put the constant bullying of his peers and the disdain of his parents behind him. He documents the work of the ACT UP activists through his photographs. Stephen is his role model, and he spends so much time learning from him. Art wants to find someone to love him, but love and sex in the midst of so much uncertainty around AIDS frightens him.

Reza and Judy start dating, and Art feels like a third wheel. But Art and Reza are drawn to each other. Reza tries desperately to fight his attraction to Art, because he doesn't want to disappoint his mother and he worries that acknowledging his sexuality will doom him to a death sentence of AIDS. Art wants Reza, but knows that Judy is happy with him, and he doesn't want to betray his one true friend.

"There may be no harder place to be queer than high school, a place of bullies and slurs, a place steeped in rituals of heterosexuality. Who's dating who? Who kissed who? Who will be homecoming king and queen? Who will be your prom date? And you have to play along, because if you don't, your difference has a spotlight on it."

Abdi Nazemian's incredibly moving, heartfelt Like A Love Story so accurately captures what it was like to come to terms with your sexuality during the early days of the AIDS crisis. You were tremendously fearful of even kissing someone, because you worked out elaborate circumstances in your head by which you could contract the disease. And if you got AIDS, who would love you? Your family would abandon you, the government would gouge you on the price of drugs, and you would be a pariah? So why not hide your true self instead, pretend to be "normal"?

This is a book about friendship, family, fear, acceptance, and finding love. It's a story about finding the courage to be yourself even in a world full of fear, and finding your people, who will love you and accept you no matter what. It's also a beautiful love letter of sorts to those who came before us, who loved fearlessly and joyfully, who finally lived the lives they dreamed of, without worrying what people thought of them, and it's a tribute to all of the people who died of AIDS and lost loved ones and lived in courage rather than fear.

I had been waiting for this book to be released and I jumped on it the day it was published. I loved every single minute of Like A Love Story. It's gorgeous and funny and sad and beautifully written, and all too many times I found myself nodding, recognizing myself in certain situations. Nazemian put every ounce of his heart into this story and it shows, and I'm definitely going to go back and read his earlier books, because I love the way he writes.

I love books that effectively capture a specific time and place, and Like A Love Story did that. It is an important, hopeful book that deserves every accolade it receives.

Book Review: "Keep This to Yourself" by Tom Ryan

Once there were five friends in the small town of Camera Cove—Mac, Ben, Connor, Doris, and Carrie. They were inseparable, and they thought they'd be friends forever. But as often happens, as you grow up, your interests change and suddenly the friendships you couldn't live without when you were young don't matter as much, if at all.

But Mac and Connor remained friends, even though Connor was the golden boy—popular, artistic, the object of attraction for many of the girls in their high school—and Mac was shy, newly out of the closet, and ready to leave Camera Cove. Then without warning, a brutal serial killer known as the Catalog Killer terrorized the town. Three random people were poisoned to death and the police had no clues.

Connor was the killer's fourth victim, and after that murder, it appeared the killer left town, a drifter, like many had suspected. So many people were devastated by Connor's death, particularly Mac, who even a year later, can't believe his friend is gone. Yet he can't seem to find the strength to move on with his life, even though the town is ready to shake off the fear which has been its burden since the killer first struck.

One night Mac finds a note that Connor wrote him on the night he was killed, asking him to meet him where his body was eventually found. The more that Mac thinks about how that night could have gone so differently, the more he begins to suspect that perhaps Connor actually knew who the killer was, and perhaps it wasn't a stranger. What would Connor have told him that night? Would they both have survived?

No one is interested in reopening the case, not even the police, so Mac takes it upon himself to begin looking into the murders, trying to figure out what four seemingly random people might have had in common that led to their deaths. With the help of a sexy relative of one of the victims, Mac tries to figure out whether Connor had uncovered the truth—and if so, can he solve the same mystery—without the same result?

I really enjoyed Keep This to Yourself. It was a mystery with lots of twists and turns, combined with the all-too-familiar themes of childhood friends growing apart, wanting to fit in and be loved for who you are, and wanting life to return to a simpler, more innocent time. I loved the way Tom Ryan meshed the mystery and YA elements of this book, which made it more appealing to those who don't consider themselves fans of YA.

I tend to be really cynical when I read mysteries because I suspect everyone. I will admit—and perhaps I was just not thinking as sharply as I usually do—that I was surprised at how Ryan wrapped everything up, which is a good feeling to have. I really liked Mac and Quill's characters, and almost wish the book was longer so I could see how things developed afterward.

This was my first LGBTQ read for Pride Month and it was the perfect start. I'm definitely going to be looking to see what Tom Ryan writes next, because it takes a talented storyteller to create a compelling mystery amidst other plotlines.

Book Review: "How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom" by S.J. Goslee

Even though it reminds me of the late 1990s/early 2000s movies like She's All That, She's the Man, or 10 Things I Hate About You (albeit with a gay twist), S.J. Goslee's new book, How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom could easily be made into a movie right this second and still feel totally relevant and fresh. It's a sweet, slightly goofy book that's not perfect, but it's definitely a fun read.

Nolan Grant Sheffield is a slightly eccentric high school junior who would be more than happy just to ride the school year out without making any waves. He's perfectly happy hanging out with his best friend Evie, working at a greenhouse, and drawing, as well as tolerating (okay, maybe even enjoying) his adoptive family's ultra-competitiveness. Sure, he gets bullied a bit at school (gym class is torture), and he's not-so-quietly nurturing a crush on Si O'Mara, a gay football player at his school who is also president of the Gay-Straight Alliance.

However, he's never kissed anyone, much less been in a relationship. And his older sister Daphne is determined to change that—and much of Nolan's life—before she heads off to college in the fall. But Daphne's take-no-prisoners style isn't something Nolan is ready for when it comes to his life, especially his (lack of a) love life.

"Technically, to any outsider, this might look like Daphne is doing a favor for me. Technically, any outsider would be wrong."

Daphne wants to be sure Nolan is prepared for college, so she encourages/forces him to get involved in some extracurricular activities. And then, when her own relationship status changes, she essentially threatens him to find a date to the upcoming Junior-Senior Prom—or she'll find one for him.

From this point on, things go totally awry for poor Nolan. Suddenly he finds himself in the midst of fake dating, a menacing ex-girlfriend, an after-school art program with younger kids, and volunteering to help with the art for the prom as well as the after-prom party. And all the while, he's utterly confused about his feelings for two guys, confusion that bubbles over to Daphne and others as well.

How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom is a little bit zany but certainly a little bit predictable as well, although Goslee definitely kept me guessing until the very end with a few things. But while I liked the twists, one major one confused me, because the characters never fully discussed their feelings until the very end, and even then I wasn't sure what precipitated that. (I'm being purposely vague because I don't want to spoil things, although other Goodreads reviews do give more plot away.)

Goslee's books (I also enjoyed her first book, Whatever) are utterly charming, fun reads. They're not full of angst like so many other YA books, and they definitely treat sexual orientation in a matter-of-fact way rather than as a cause for drama. (Even an instance in which a male character begins dating another male after a two-year-relationship with a female character is met with confusion, but not ridicule.) Her dialogue is fresh without being pretentious or so sarcastic you think you're listening to stand-up comedians rather than high school students.

While I do wish that the characters were a little more fleshed out here so I could understand why they behaved the way they did, I enjoyed How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom quite a bit, and read the book in one day. It really charmed me, reminded me a little bit of my high school days and, at the same time, made me wish they resembled the book a little more, too.

Book Review: "We Are Lost and Found" by Helene Dunbar

Utterly gorgeous and emotionally evocative, Helene Dunbar's We Are Lost and Found feels like pages from a person's diary. It so effectively and beautifully captures the early 1980s in New York City, what it was like to be a teenager struggling with your sexuality and your desire to be loved and be seen, and the uncertainties and fears of the early days of AIDS.

Michael, James, and Becky are best friends. While Michael and Becky are still in high school, James is two years older, and is a performance artist. James is always the center of attention—his ethereal good looks and his magnetic self-confidence tend to pull everyone toward him.

Michael is envious of James knowing who he is. Ever since Michael's father threw his older brother Connor out of the house after he came out, Michael wants to do everything he can to stay under the radar, yet at the same time, he's just dying to tell his parents the truth. In fact, he wants to tell everyone the truth but at the same time, he's not quite ready to make that leap.

The one place Michael feels at home is at The Echo, a gay dance club. There he can lose himself in the music, flirt without consequence, and not have to acknowledge all of the anxieties he carries with him on a daily basis. He doesn't have to be stuck between his parents and his brother, he doesn't have to lie to his parents about where he's going, he just enjoys the few hours he has, simply to be.

When Michael meets Gabriel, he finally feels seen for the first time, by someone who is interested in him, not in using him to get to James. Michael is lost in the flush of first love, despite the fact that he can't really spend time with Gabriel except at The Echo once a week, despite the fact he can't tell his parents why he's happy. And the more his feelings and his desire for Gabriel intensify, the more his fears about AIDS start to consume him. How does anyone know who's safe? Is it safer never to be with anyone than to put yourself at risk, even if it is all you want?

We Are Lost and Found really struck a chord for me. While I was a little bit younger than these characters in the early 1980s, Dunbar really captured that period of time so perfectly. Coming of age and struggling with my sexuality in the midst of anxieties about AIDS was immensely difficult. The fears of how your parents would react to your telling the truth about your sexuality coupled with wanting to be loved (or even just liked) and the general upheaval of being a teenager was difficult enough, let alone wondering if being with a person could lead to a death sentence.

Dunbar is a fantastic writer. I fell in love with these characters and was really rooting for them, and hoped the book didn't take a severely maudlin turn. The book is told in vignettes more than chapters, and Dunbar doesn't use quotation marks to denote dialogue (at least in the advance version I read), but neither of those things bothered me in the slightest. I honestly could have done with more of the book because I was sad when it ended—it probably didn't help that I read the entire thing in one day.

Maybe some of those who lived through those days will remember things differently, but as someone who was close in age to the characters at the time the book took place, We Are Lost and Found was pitch-perfect. A beautiful book so well-told, one that I won't soon forget.

NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS Fire provided me an advance copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making it available!

This book will be published September 3, 2019.

Book Review: "Birthday" by Meredith Russo

Meredith Russo, this book absolutely blew me away.

Eric and Morgan have known each other since birth. That's not hyperbole—they were born on the same day in the same hospital, and there was a snowstorm, so both families were snowed in. Their families were close, at least until Morgan's mother died of cancer. But the boys have been best friends their entire lives.

As their 13th birthday approaches, Morgan knows things are changing. What Morgan knows more than anything is that he isn't whom he's supposed to be. He's a football coach's son in a small, rural Tennessee town, and he's trapped in the wrong body. More than that: he's a girl trapped in a boy's body, and he doesn't know what to do.

When you realize a fundamental truth about yourself, you want to share it with those you care about. But how can he share this truth? He's already bullied in school, so that doesn't worry him, at least not as much as the reactions of those he loves. Can he withstand losing his father? Or worse, can he survive losing Eric?

Eric knows that something is wrong with Morgan. Something is different. There's more of a distance between them. He knows the insults that his father and his brothers say about Morgan when he is not around, but he is not giving up on their lifelong friendship. Morgan is more important to him than perhaps anything else.

Told in glimpses spanning six birthdays, Birthday is a powerfully poignant, eye-opening story about self-acceptance, family, friendship, love, and grief, and all of the obstacles that stand in the way of trying to come to terms with who we are and the life we deserve to live. I read this entire book in a few hours, and it will undoubtedly be one that sticks with me for long afterward.

Meredith Russo's prose is so beautiful and evocative, and the emotions it generated made my heart hurt. I'll admit there were times that I found myself reading while trying to cover my eyes at the same time because I was so worried for these characters and what might happen to them, wondered how close to real life Russo might take the plot. This is one of those books that I'd love to see a sequel for because I already miss the characters and want to know where their 19th, 20th, and subsequent birthdays will find them.

I've commented many times before that I am so happy that YA books today deal with so many important issues. Birthday never feels manipulative or sensationalized, it feels utterly authentic and it touched my heart. I hope this book finds its way into the hands of those who need it most, and those who can learn from the journeys taken by the characters.

Flatiron Books provided me an advance copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making it available!

The book will be published May 21, 2019.

Book Review: "The Editor" by Steven Rowley

Steven Rowley's The Editor really hit the spot for me. It was utterly charming, it had so much heart, and it dealt with some of my favorite subjects—family dysfunction, struggles with self-confidence, writing, secrets, and the relationships that crop up in the most unlikely of places.

James Smale has always dreamed of being a writer. After having his first few short stories published, he imagined the path to literary success would be easy. But writing a novel never seemed to come easy, and although he hoped inspiration would hit, he wondered if he was destined to be one of those people whose early promise fizzled out. Living in New York City in the early 1990s, it seemed as if he was more suited to random temp jobs than wearing the mantle of a writer.

Then he decided to write about what he knew better than anything—his relationship with his mother, an enigmatic woman whom James believed blamed him for the end of her marriage, since she had to essentially choose between him and his father. He is thrilled when he finds out that a major publisher is interested in publishing his novel.

And then he meets the editor who fell in love with his book—Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Jackie, or Mrs. Onassis, as she is known in the office, loves the complexity of the relationships in James' novel, and she identifies with the main character since she, too, is a fiercely protective mother. James is utterly blown away that this infamous woman, whose family was always a fascination for his mother, has taken an interest in his writing, and believes this novel is worth being seen by the world.

But Jackie believes James hasn't dug as deeply into his characters and their story as she thinks he can, and she pushes him to do so. Little by little their working relationship develops into a friendship of sorts, even as he wonders if someone as complex as Jackie can truly be known by someone like him.

The reality of the book is causing serious ripples in his relationship with his mother as well as his relationship with his partner, Daniel. He isn't sure if he can finish it, and then a secret is revealed which makes him wonder if he's telling the right story at all. As everything spirals out of control, James needs to figure out the truth about his relationship with his mother and needs to decide what he wants from his relationship with Daniel, but more than that, he doesn't want to disappoint Jackie.

I thought this was a beautifully written book, brimming with poignancy and complexity. James was complex and utterly appealing even when he was doing things that made him unsympathetic, and I couldn't get enough of his story. But Rowley's treatment of Jackie Onassis, meshing the familiar tropes with fascinating depth. I loved the relationship Rowley created between James and Jackie.

"I'm struck with profound gratitude that our paths have magically crossed for this brief moment of existence; she is, I see now, the only logical editor this book could have had. My book, my valiant quest to understand my own Arthurian legend with Igraine at the heart, to define my own Camelot, in the tender hands of Guinevere herself. My eyes well with tears even though knights are not supposed to cry."

This was a quick, immensely enjoyable read, and I'll think about this book for a while.

Book Review: "The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried" by Shaun David Hutchinson

Dino and July were best friends, absolutely inseparable. Until everything changed, and their friendship ended. For a year, July was dead to Dino, and he focused on his new boyfriend, Rafi, and Rafi's group of friends, although he couldn't help feeling like something was missing. When July died suddenly, Dino was left with unresolved emotions about their friendship and why everything went wrong.

And then the unthinkable happens—July awakens the day before her funeral while at Dino's parents' funeral home. She's not dead, but she's not quite alive, and she's not happy to find herself in Dino's company again. But what could be the reason for her coming back to life, of sorts? As much as they're angry with each other, they team up to figure out what's going on, especially as they realize this problem may have wider implications than they could even imagine.

As July struggles with the side-effects of once being dead, Dino has his own struggles—trying to convince his parents that he doesn't want to go into the funeral business, and feeling like he's not worthy of being loved, which complicates his relationship with with Rafi. More than that, however, he wants to understand why his relationship with July went so wrong, because he knows that as much as she aggravated him, he has missed her more than anything.

What if you got a second chance with someone who once meant so much to you? Would you try to understand what went wrong and resolve your feelings, or would the hurt and the anger be too intense to forgive and forget? Would you be willing to accept some responsibility for what transpired, or would your pride get in the way?

In his newest novel, The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried, Shaun David Hutchinson brings his trademark mix of the surreal and the emotional. While there are some crazy elements to the plot, at its heart this is a book about friendship, belonging, regret, self-worth, and accepting our own shortcomings. It definitely made me wish for another chance with some people who used to be an important part of my life.

Hutchinson is one of my favorite authors—We Are the Ants and At the Edge of the Universe are two of the best books I've read in recent years. I love the characters he creates and I find his storytelling mesmerizing.

That being said, this book didn't work as well for me as his previous ones. Even though there was poignancy in the story, I found July's character so off-putting and unsympathetic that I couldn't understand why Dino even wanted to be friends with her, and I felt that there were too many instances of her being mean to Dino, his getting angry, and then coming back to her again.

You can always count on Hutchinson for a story that doesn't seem like all the others, as well as one that touches your emotions. While I didn't feel this book was among his best, it's still another example of why I think he's one of the best YA authors out there right now.

Book Review: "The Music of What Happens" by Bill Konigsberg

Whenever I read a YA rom-com featuring LGBTQ characters, I feel so happy that kids today have these books to read, to see that finding someone to love doesn't have to be a dream they'll have to give up because of whom they're attracted to.

At the same time, I can't help but be a tiny bit bitter that these books didn't exist when I was a teenager, because I certainly could have used that encouragement instead of having no role models or examples to look toward.

Bill Konigsberg's The Music of What Happens is sweet and funny and romantic, but it's also poignant and deals with some serious issues as well.

Max is an athlete. He's tremendously easy-going and never appears to let anything faze him. His closest buddies are totally cool with him being gay, as is his mom.

Jordan is highly strung, a talented poet who doesn't believe he's worth much of anything. He totally wants a boyfriend but doesn't think anyone would find him attractive or interesting enough to have a relationship with him (or even sex), so he spends most of his time hanging out with his two girlfriends, whom he calls his "wives."

"The world will make you vulnerable. If you're acting like you're not, that's what you're doing. Acting."

Max and Jordan's meet-cute is at a food truck. Jordan and his mother have just resurrected his father's food truck for the first time since he died, and they're desperate to make it work, since they're in significant financial need. But neither Jordan nor his mother know the first thing about food trucks, or cooking, or food safety, and Max arrives at the counter just as Jordan's mother begins melting down. So Max, who likes to cook, volunteers to help save the truck—and, perhaps, their lives.

The last thing Jordan wants is to spend the summer with a dude bro like Max, but of course he realizes Max is far more complex and sensitive than he leads anyone to believe. As the two of them strive to take the food truck world by storm, they start enjoying each other's company more and more, and they don't let any truck-related setbacks get them down. But deep down, both boys are struggling—Max with a painful secret that confuses even him, and Jordan with his having to parent his mother, who is in a destructive spiral that could hurt them both.

"I think about the half notes of dissonance, between what I hear and what someone else hears, and those moments where the world is so cold, and when someone reaches their hand out to you. In those symphonic, connected moments where another soul joins you and feels what you feel, and you can breathe again. Like right now."

The Music of What Happens may not surprise you and it may not break new ground, but it's utterly charming and just so wonderful. I love the fact that Konigsberg avoided the typical drama when a character reveals to their peers or their family that they're gay, and instead just began from a place where it wasn't a big deal to those around them, the way life should be.

I believed in these characters. They felt authentic and dealt with real problems, and I totally believed that the two would fall for each other. I also believed in their struggles, the things about their friends and family that bothered them but they never spoke up about, and the unique perspectives each brought to their own lives and their burgeoning relationship. If there was any false note, it was Jordan's mother, who seemed to fade in to cause chaos and then fade out again.

This is the first of Konigsberg's books I've read and I absolutely loved it. I need to go back and read all of his earlier books because I love the openness of his storytelling and the complete charm of his characters. They're funny without being stand-up comedians, they're sensitive and romantic.

I hope that there are kids out there who feel encouraged by books like The Music of What Happens. The YA genre continues to be so rich with talented writers tackling important issues with humor and grace, and showing that no matter whom you love, your love story can come true. Don't we need more of that?

Book Review: "Lie with Me" by Philippe Besson (translated by Molly Ringwald)

"This feeling of love, it transports me, it makes me happy. But it also consumes me and makes me miserable, the way all impossible loves are miserable."

Philippe is a famous writer being interviewed at a hotel in Bordeaux when he sees a handsome man walk by. The man jars Philippe's memory, reminding him of his first love, when he was in his last year of high school in 1984.

Philippe is the studious one, shy yet fiercely intelligent. He has already been marked by his peers as "different"; he bears their shouted and whispered insults, and wants nothing more than to blend in. Thomas is quiet, rarely speaks yet is often spoken to, and is popular among his peers. He is handsome, so he catches the attention of many of the female students.

The two have never spoken, yet Philippe is inexplicably drawn to Thomas. He watches him, observes him, but doesn't think Thomas notices him (or even knows who he is), and Philippe is unsure of how he feels about that fact. Does he want Thomas to know what their peers think of him, the names they've called him?

One day, Thomas approaches Philippe. He fears that Thomas might have seen him staring, might want to beat him up. But instead, Thomas asks if he might want to go to lunch in town instead of eat in the school lunchroom. He agrees, but doesn't understand what Thomas wants from him. During lunch, Thomas tells him he is struggling with his sexuality, and he can no longer fight these feelings in silence.

When Philippe asks why Thomas has chosen him, he replies, "Because you are not like all the others, because I don't see anyone but you and you don't even realize it."

The two quickly fall into a secret relationship—mostly sexual, although there certainly are overtones of romance. Outside of their encounters, they pretend not to know each other, and make no move to declare their feelings for one another. Inherently, Thomas knows that when high school is done, Philippe will leave their small French town to make his way in the world, leaving Thomas behind. And despite the intensity of their unspoken feelings, both know that this is their trajectory.

Can we ever forget the raw emotions, the intensity, the longing of our first true love? How does that relationship affect the rest of our lives? In Lie with Me, Philippe Besson poignantly captures those feelings, the way every fiber of your being is affected, the way you want nothing more than that person and cannot bear the thought of being apart. And how you mourn the end of that relationship, how it feels like no pain you've ever experienced, so much more than your heart can bear.

Besson and Molly Ringwald, who translated the novel from the French, paints a beautiful, emotional picture of a man who has made something of his life as was always expected, but when he is reminded of his first love, reminisces about that glorious yet painful time, and how indelibly their lives have changed in the years since.

Lie with Me has been called "the French Brokeback Mountain," and while there are no cowboys, and this book didn't quite make me sob the way that movie did, there is a tremendous amount of poignancy, emotion, and beauty to be had in this story. Ringwald's translation felt flawless to me—quite often when I read translated novels I find some awkwardness in the syntax or the way some expressions are relayed.

"That singular moment. The pure urgency of it. There were circumstances—a series of coincidences and simultaneous desire. There was something in the atmosphere, something in the time and place, that brought us together."

What a gorgeous, moving book this was.

NetGalley and Scribner provided me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making this available! To be published April 30, 2019.

Book Review: "Red, White & Royal Blue" by Casey McQuiston

Oh. My. God. I couldn't have loved this book more.

It was sweet, it was romantic, it made me cry, it made me hopeful, it made me bitter that there weren't books like this when I was growing up, but it made me so happy there are books like this now for those who need it.

Alex Claremont-Diaz is the First Son of the United States. His mother is finishing her first term as president and is gearing up for a bruising re-election fight, and his father is a congressman from California. Alex is quite a celebrity—he's good-looking, charming, politically savvy, and exceptionally smart, and along with his older sister and the genius granddaughter of the vice-president, comprise the so-called "White House Trio," a group of popular millennials constantly (and purposely) in the public eye.

Alex is happy to do whatever is expected of him to help his mother, unless that whatever includes playing nice with Prince Henry of Wales, an heir to the throne (the "spare," actually) and a constant thorn in Alex's side.

"It's not a grudge, really. It's not even a rivalry. It's a prickling, unsettling annoyance. It makes his palms sweat."

When the pair's interaction at a royal wedding turns into a confrontation with embarrassingly messy (and expensive) results, damage control is necessary on both sides, so a fake friendship is created for the press and the public on both sides of the pond.

Spending time together is torture for both Alex and Henry, but somewhere during the public appearances aimed at positive photo ops, Alex realizes there's more to Henry than the handsome, perfect, and bland persona that infuriates him. Somewhere along the way both start to enjoy each other's company and the companionship via text, email, and phone that results. No one else really understands the demand of their respective roles, and no one else really understands the demons that cause them moments of sadness and doubt.

Without warning (at least to the two of them, not the reader), Alex and Henry fall intensely for each other. Both know the risks of their relationship becoming public, but they can't stay away from each other, which is no mean feat, considering Alex's mother is running for re-election and Henry is in the UK. Are they ready to jeopardize everything—Alex's mother's chance at a second term, the disapproval of Henry's grandmother the queen and the rest of his family, not to mention the damage to the monarchy? But can they walk away from each other if they need to?

"When Alex was a kid, before anyone knew his name, he dreamed of love like it was a fairy tale, as if it would come sweeping into his life on the back of a dragon one day. When he got older, he learned about love as a strange thing that could fall apart no matter how badly you wanted it, a choice you make anyway. He never imagined it'd turn out he was right both times."

Casey McQuiston made me fall hopelessly in love with this book and these characters. Even the supporting characters have more to them than meets the eye, and it's what made this book so utterly special. Is it predictable? Sure. Does it matter? Hell, no. The emotions, the fears, the doubts, the what-ifs—none of it is melodramatic, it's just so damned lovely.

Beyond the story that McQuiston has told so well, what I loved most about this book is the hope that such a love story could actually be real in this day and age. Sure, a couple like Alex and Henry would have to face crazy resistance and prejudice and opposition from many quarters, but it's definitely possible. And for an adolescent struggling with their sexuality, wondering if they ever could live happily ever after with their own prince, princess, or whomever they dream of, this book isn't a total fantasy.

I know in January 2020 (egads) when I look back on the best books I read in 2019, Red, White & Royal Blue will be among them, even though the lack of serial comma in the title is killing me. This sweet, sexy, emotional, truly special book is one I won't soon forget.

NetGalley and St. Martin's Press provided me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making this available!

Book Review: "Sugar Run" by Mesha Maren

There are some books which fill you with a sense of foreboding the minute you start reading them, sort of the way you may be poised to put your hands over your eyes when watching a scary movie—you know something bad will happen, but you just don't know when.

That's the way I felt while reading Mesha Maren's Sugar Run. This novel about a woman's quest for a new beginning even though she quickly falls into all of her old habits isn't scary, but you can just feel that things could fall off the rails at any minute, and you wish it wouldn't. (Or at least I wished it wouldn't.)

Jodi was sentenced to life in prison when she was 17 years old, in 1989. Unexpectedly, she is released 18 years later, and she has a plan for what to do with this newfound freedom: move back to her childhood home in rural West Virginia and live on her grandmother's land, where she spent the majority of her youth. But first, she is determined to fulfill a promise made before she went to prison: rescue the developmentally and emotionally challenged younger brother of an old friend.

"Coming home was like disappearing in a way, she thought, slipping back into the past. Until a week and a half ago she had thought she would not return here until death—a body shipped to a family that barely remembered it, a body to be laid back into the mountains to rest—but now here she was, not just a body but a jumble of wild thoughts and emotions, coming home."

Less than 24 hours after being released from prison, heading to a small Georgia town, she encounters Miranda, a beautiful but troubled young mother of three, with a taste for pills and alcohol and a complicated relationship with her ex-husband, a once-famous singer. Despite every sign pointing her in the opposite direction, Jodi falls for Miranda, and the two begin planning a future that includes raising Miranda's children and her friend's brother back in Jodi's hometown. It seems almost too good to be true.

But when they return home to West Virginia, nothing is quite as it seems. Jodi and Miranda's idyllic plans are quickly dashed, and it isn't long before Jodi finds herself caught up in her family's potentially dangerous dysfunction, which could send her back to prison, if not endanger her life. Helping care for four children—not to mention a flighty, unstable girlfriend—in an area where same-sex relationships are far from welcomed, leaves Jodi unsure of which end is up and what she should do next.

"She told herself this was different, this was new, but still she could feel the weight of those mountains, even unseen, the heaviness of all that familiarity."

Can you ever truly outrun your mistakes and get a chance for a fresh start, even in the same old place? Where do you find the strength to recognize the signs that you're being pulled down again into another potentially destructive situation, even if there are glimpses of good amidst the chaos? Why doesn't anything work out the way you hope it will?

Switching back and forth between the months leading up to Jodi's arrest and the present, following her release from prison, Sugar Run is a story of a woman searching for second chances but not looking very far, or thinking clearly about what the right decisions are. It's also a story of a woman who really had no chance given the environment in which she was raised, and returning to it doesn't seem like the smartest idea. But can you escape your past?

While nothing horrible happens in the book, there are lots of close calls, and I still had this pervasive sense that everything could fall apart in a matter of minutes. Even though Jodi certainly is to blame for her own situation, the complexities that Maren has given her make her an appealing character despite her faults. She definitely knows how to tell a story and create an environment with tremendously vivid, evocative imagery.

Strangely, given all of the tension I felt while reading the book, the pacing was very slow, almost plodding. I also wasn't sure what Maren was trying to say with her characters—was she saying it's okay to live life the way they did because of their circumstances, or was she simply depicting what happens all too often in impoverished, rural areas?

Sugar Run is quite a debut novel, and it definitely hints at a promising career for Maren. She definitely gives her readers lots to think about!