Book Review: "Unsayable: A Life in Writing" by Michael Cunningham

“When you set out to be a writer you may or may not understand all that you’re agreeing to. You’re saying, by implication, that you’re qualified to write about the passions and sorrows and underlying motives of others. You live, with various degrees of comfort and discomfort, with the fact that even if your work is read by only a handful of people, you’ve claimed the right to set down the definitive version of relations that, in fact, have no definitive versions.”

Michael Cunningham is one of my all-time favorite writers. The Hours and The Home at the End of the World, in particular, are books that, more than 30 years after they were published, still profoundly affect me. So I couldn’t resist reading his new memoir, which talks about how he found his way to writing and how his love of language and storytelling shaped him.

Even as a young child, he was obsessed with language, and the specifics of it. There wasn’t just a tree in his yard, it was an oak tree, while there was a maple tree in his neighbor’s yard.

He started writing stories when he was young but he never had much confidence in them. So he turned to painting and drawing as a creative way of expressing himself. But he never stopped searching for the words to convey emotions or share accounts of his experiences—true or false.

Cunningham touches on specific moments in his life—being with his best friend in high school, who was his first love; spending time in Provincetown with an elderly gay couple who loved his stories about his adventures; working briefly as a hustler; and the first time he met the man who would become his husband.

This was a fascinating, at times emotional, book. I definitely thought it provided some insight into a writer’s mindset and it made me appreciate Cunningham’s writing even more.

Book Review: "Happiness Included: Jan Brady and Beyond" by Eve Plumb with Marcia Wilkie

The Brady Bunch has been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Funnily enough, however, I’ve only seen the original show in reruns for 50 or so years. But there used to be a time where I could accurately name the episode within 20 seconds of it starting.

I’ve read lots of books about the series, including memoirs by Barry Williams and Maureen McCormick. But Eve Plumb has always been a bit of an enigma to me, so I was excited to read her memoir.

She gets a bit of a bad rap because she didn’t do the ill-fated variety show back in the day. But the truth is, she loved doing the original series and feels grateful it’s still part of the cultural vernacular. And she and her five television “siblings” still text each other all the time.

If you’re looking for catty gossip about the show or its stars, you won’t find that here. This is a look not just at The Brady Bunch, but also her acting career before and after the show, her family life, and her personal life. Sure, she has some regrets, but she’s pretty happy with the course her life has taken.

This was a very nostalgic look back at acting in the 1960s and 1970s. I remember other programs she appeared in, and the public reactions at the time. Truthfully, I’m glad this was a largely positive book, because I can’t take too much scandal among the Bradys.

Book Review: "Salt, Sweat & Steam: The Fiery Education of an Accidental Chef" by Brigid Washington

I am absolutely obsessed with books about cooking, chefs, food, the restaurant business, etc. Every one is so different and I love feeling totally starved while reading. So when I saw Brigid Washington’s new memoir in an ad on social media, I dove right into the flames.

Trinidad-born Brigid was an aspiring journalist living in Raleigh, NC, after graduation from college. But when her relationship ends, she doesn’t know what to do with herself, so she applies to the Culinary Institute of America in upstate New York. (She had been inspired by a stint working in the kitchen of a fancy restaurant.)

While she expected culinary school to be difficult, she had no idea what a challenge it would be—intellectually, physically, and emotionally. The different cooking instructors she had were all over the map in terms of their passion for teaching and their tolerance for mistakes. Brigid talked about all of the courses she took, the instructors she had, what she learned, and where she screwed up.

She also takes a job as the editor of the school’s newspaper for a year, which exposes her to public events with famed chefs, and the opportunity to reflect upon the things she learned. At the same time, she has a strange relationship with a fellow student and she misses the boyfriend she had back in Raleigh.

I found this book so fascinating. Brigid wasn’t only studying cooking—she was trying to build a future amidst the chaos of culinary school. She needed to decide how to use this education and figure out what she needed in her life. There is so much this book taught me, and all of the food they talk about made me ravenous. This really hit the spot for me!

Book Review: "Collateral Stardust: Chasing Warren Beatty and Other Foolish Things"

Nikki Nash’s memoir was such a fun read. Take a healthy helping of Hollywood hijinks, more than a dash of family dysfunction, and a few cups of battling the demons of addiction and depression, and stir in some introspection. Lots of nostalgia and gossip, too!

In the 1970s, 14-year-old Nikki Nash saw Warren Beatty for the first time. She decided that she wanted him to love her and be hers. So she laid out a plan that once she was grown up (like 18 years old), she would find him.

“…my focus on Warren Beatty was absolute, and with him, I’d find a great love. It wasn’t some girly crush that would include posters on my wall or putting his photo in a secret diary. I wanted more. It was my mission to know him. Not to meet him, not to get an autograph, but to know him and have him in my life forever.”

Working as a hostess at an LA restaurant Beatty frequented, she waited to meet him. A year later, at 19, at a moment she felt unclean and unattractive, her wish came true. Once she and Beatty spoke, it was the start of something significant. It wasn’t quite the love affair she’d imagined, but the two had an on-again, off-again relationship of sorts which lasted for a few decades.

The celebrities with whom she came into contact through Beatty were fascinating. At the same time, she wanted to forge her own path, and in the book she tells of her experiences trying all sorts of things: acting, stand-up, writing, directing, and working for many television shows. She had lots of relationships and spent a significant amount of time dealing with drug and alcohol addiction as well as eating disorders. She also talks about her journey of recovery and self-discovery.

Nash swept me into her story immediately. Her voice is so approachable and fun, and even when things in her life were at their toughest, reading this was like talking to a friend. I’m so grateful she was willing to share her story!

Book Review:"Robin" by Dave Itzkoff

The news that Robin Williams died back in 2014 was one of those events where you always remember where you were when you heard about it. I was in the middle of a personal training session at the gym when I looked up at one of the TVs and saw his picture, then heard the anchor announce that he had taken his life.

Williams was an enormous part of my adolescence—Mork and Mindy was one of my favorite shows growing up. (I even had a pair of suspenders like the ones he wore on the show.) I was excited that his movie career started taking off, and one of my greatest memories was seeing him perform in Las Vegas in 2009.

Dave Itzkoff wrote an amazingly thorough and detailed biography of Williams that I have had on my shelf for years. It’s nearly 550 pages and includes insights he gained from interviews with more than 100 of Williams’ friends, family, and colleagues.

The book traces the rise of Williams’ career in television, and then his work in film. It also spends a lot of time dealing with his struggles with addiction and depression, as well as the problems in his marriages. One of the reasons Williams’ was so good in dramatic roles was all of the pain he drew from in his real life. And if all you knew was the man you saw onscreen, you had no idea how troubled he was.

“But who was he? Except for that one stray moment when he had spoken a few tentative words in his surprisingly stately voice and then metamorphosed into a French undersea explorer, Robin had never let the audience see his true self.”

At times the book got a little too dense and detailed (and I hate footnotes), but this is such a comprehensive look at Robin Williams’ career as well as his life away from the cameras and the crowds. There really hasn’t been anyone quite like him since.

“And when he was gone, we all wished we’d had him just a little bit longer.”

Book Review: "Two Women Living Together" by Kim Hana and Hwang Sunwoo

True confession: I seemed to have missed the words “The Bestselling Korean Memoir” in this book’s subtitle. I totally thought this was a novel until I realized this was an actual account of two women’s lives.

That being said, while the book definitely landed more on the practical side for me, I found it to be an interesting read. Each chapter felt like it centered on a valuable lesson or piece of advice.

Kim Hana and Hwang Sunwoo were two women living in Korea. Each had a career and friends they enjoyed. They also both lived alone, and loved it that way: the solitude, the independence, having their own space to do what they wanted.

Hana and Sunwoo became friends and realized they shared not only common interests and passions, but also philosophies about life and living. Plus, each had two cats. Yet as they approached their 40s, both women realized that there was something to be said for human companionship. Neither was in a romantic relationship and didn’t see that as a real possibility, so they made the decision to buy a house together.

This wasn’t a romantic or sexual partnership, nor was it two acquaintances living together until something better came along. This was creating a chosen family, integrating each other into their lives but maintaining their own identities as well.

The book recounts their decision, how they put it into action, and the things they learned. What it’s like to suddenly depend on someone else yet retain your own independence and individuality. How to reconcile chores and other household responsibilities. And perhaps most importantly, how to acclimate four cats into one household. This was funny, insightful, a bit moving at times, and really unique.

Book Review: "Tart: Misadventures of an Anonymous Chef" by Slutty Cheff

I’ve been wanting to read this for a few weeks, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I was today years old when I realized this is a memoir and not a novel! (That realization didn’t affect me; I clearly didn’t pay close attention to the blurbs I read!)

“There are two things in my life that are a constant reminder that pleasure exists: food and sex. And I am learning about the different forms they may come in.”

Anonymous chef and columnist Slutty Cheff quit her marketing job after a workplace relationship went sour. She decided the thing she enjoyed most was cooking, so she went to culinary school and eventually did a trial run at a London restaurant. The energy, the camaraderie, even the stress captivated her, and the trial run turned into a job.

She is quickly enamored of her job and craves more responsibility. While it’s hard to be the only woman working in the kitchen, she more than holds her own. But the 60+-hour workweek, coupled with late nights fueled by alcohol and drugs with her colleagues, exhausts her both physically and emotionally.

The book follows her love/hate relationship with being a chef and the whole restaurant culture. She gets overwhelmed by the pressure and the lifestyle, but misses cooking when she’s not doing it. At the same time, she gets involved with several men over time, and realizes that sex gives her the same high.

You know how much I like books about chefs, cooking, restaurants, etc., so this was definitely right up my alley. This is one of those books you shouldn’t read on an empty stomach, and at times, it’s quite steamy, so be prepared. It’ll make you think twice about staying until a restaurant is nearly empty, too!

Book Review: "Spellbound: My Life as a Dyslexic Wordsmith" by Phil Hanley

Thanks so much to Henry Holt for the complimentary advance copy of this book. It’s available now.

“I always prayed I’d wake up smart.”

Growing up, Phil Hanley had a horrible time in school. His teachers thought he was lazy and not trying, and some thought he was stupid. (He thought so, too.) But actually, he was dyslexic, something that wasn’t diagnosed until well into his adolescence.

Although he was able to get help once educators figured out his challenges, he was scarred by the way his teachers treated him. It definitely caused him to have issues with self-esteem and confidence.

Despite knowing that there was justification for his issues with school, Phil took a different path after graduation: he did some modeling before eventually deciding on a comedy career.

This was a moving and humorous memoir. I didn’t know much about Phil but his determination, and the support of his mother, was really impressive. This book would be inspirational for anyone dealing with obstacles.

Book Review: "The Loves of My Life" by Edmund White

Edmund White was the first gay fiction author whose work I read back in the 1980s. He’s definitely one of the legends of the genre, and at 85 years old, he’s still writing. This memoir was my book club’s pick for the month and it certainly provoked a lot of discussion!

“Did I always endure unreciprocated love because I could only love (and write about it) when I was rejected? Did my low self-esteem seek out rejection, as in I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me? Or does everyone hope to trade up to a newer, better lover? Not social climbers but amorous climbers?”

This memoir isn’t your typical chronicling of White’s literary career or anything like that. In this book, White looks back on more than 60 years of sexual encounters. He touches on everything from his childish escapades while growing up and taking his curiosity a few steps further as a teenager, to sex he paid for (and, in some cases, was paid for), as well as the risks he and many other men took, given the illegality of homosexual activity both in the U.S. and abroad.

White doesn’t mince words when describing some encounters and the men he was with. Some of his memories may be shocking, some were tame, and some were tremendously poignant, given how AIDS decimated the gay community in the 1980s and 1990s. And while the sheer number of encounters may seem unbelievable, for many men during that time, having the opportunity to be free from hiding their true selves often led to unbridled activity.

True to the title of the book, White touches on his romantic relationships as well. He shares both good memories and bad, and there are clearly some men he was fonder of than others.

I’m definitely not a prude, but after a while I felt like some of White’s recollections became excessive. However, I love how he captured the changes in society and sexual freedom through the decades, and how he views sex now that he’s in his 80s.

Book Review: "Two Women Walk Into a Bar" by Cheryl Strayed

Sounds like the setup to a joke, doesn’t it? But this story by Cheryl Strayed definitely packs an emotional punch.

Cheryl and her husband Brian get the news that Brian’s mother Joan is dying. It’s not unexpected news but obviously it’s still a blow, and it causes major upheaval in their lives. As they work on moving Joan into the assisted living facility in her community, Cheryl reflects on their relationship, nearly 20 years to the day that Cheryl first met Joan.

“Over the previous two decades, we’d come to love each other, but it was a particular, conditional sort of love, one based on circumstance and courtesy rather than connection and compatibility.”

Like many relationships between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there was always a note of competition between the two, fighting for superiority in Brian’s life. Joan praised Cheryl, but always with qualifiers or slight condescension. (She once said, “You’re big, but you’re firm. Like sculpted butter.”) Joan was always a small reminder of Cheryl’s mother, who died of cancer when Cheryl was much younger.

This was beautifully told, full of humorous and poignant moments. Cheryl not only has to process her own emotions in the wake of Joan’s impending death, but also be sensitive to Brian’s grief, and help their two young children comprehend the loss of the only grandparent they’d ever known.

If you’ve recently experienced loss, this may be a bit triggering for you. But as always, I’m struck by Strayed’s storytelling ability, making you care about people you don’t know.

Book Review: "Cold Kitchen: A Year of Culinary Travels" by Caroline Eden

I love how evocative a particular food or meal can be. There are certain dishes or foods that can take you back to a particular point in your life, or remind you of a specific person, place, or time.

That concept is at the core of Cold Kitchen. Caroline Eden is a food, travel, and arts writer in the UK, who has written two food books chronicling her travel and culinary adventures. In this book, she recalls past trips and meals from the vantage point of her basement kitchen in Edinburgh.

“Sometimes what we choose to cook mirrors what our soul misses, and sometimes the food we eat is a reflection of past routes taken.”

Each chapter of the book represents a particular dish and a particular trip. In a chapter about Russian hand pies, she recalls a seven-day, 5,772-mile railway journey she took with her husband to Vladivostok, on the Pacific edge of Asia. At the end of each chapter is a recipe of the dish she discussed.

This is a very interesting book, in that less-familiar ingredients from Europe, Asia, and Africa are explored. There’s a springtime soup from Georgia (the country), an apple strudel from the Ukraine, and a watermelon and feta salad which takes inspiration from the winter melons of Uzbekistan.

If you’re well-traveled or have a travel bucket list that includes some of these countries, this book is for you. And if you’re an adventurous chef, this book is for you. It’s truly a fascinating read.

Book Review: "Food for Thought: Essays and Ruminations" by Alton Brown

“To me, food is best when it’s not fussed over. Cook it as simply as you can, make it taste as good as you can without overcomplicating matters, serve it on a fairly simple, tasteful plate (if it’s chipped, even better), toss on a bit of parsley, and let it go. Do not fuss. Do not wipe down the edge of the plate. Do not position the stack of fries just so. Do not manipulate the Brussels sprout leaves with tweezers. We are humans, and wonderfully, imperfectly so. If it turns out that fussing is simply part of your DNA, do your imperfect best to not let it show, as it scares the rest of us.“

If there’s a chef who writes a book (not a cookbook), chances are I will read it. I’m fascinated by the paths that people followed into the culinary world, especially those who have some longevity, given people’s constantly changing tastes.

I used to be addicted to Food Network. On the weekends in particular, I’d watch a ton of cooking shows. And as much as I loved new recipes and techniques, I also loved understanding the science behind cooking, which is what drew me to Alton Brown and his show Good Eats.

Brown is a quirky personality but he is an absolute fount of culinary knowledge. His show not only taught ways to cook better but also helped viewers understand where their problems might lie. His humor was always on full display.

This book isn’t quite a memoir; it’s more a collection of essays, the majority of which center around food and how it became part of his life. From his early days of consuming every type of sugared cereal to reflections on his perfect martini, Brown provides insightful, fun, and thought-provoking commentary. He also talks plenty about Good Eats and his participation on Iron Chef America.

I thought this was a great book, as it was right up my alley. Even if you’re not familiar with Brown, if you’re a fan of food and cooking, there will definitely be something in here to enjoy!

Book Review: "In Gad We Trust: A Tell-Some" by Josh Gad

From the first time I saw him stumble onto the stage in The Book of Mormon, I’ve been a fan of Josh Gad’s. Whether seeing his face or just hearing his voice (as Olaf in Frozen), his presence in a show adds laughter and heart.

I’m always fascinated by funny people and what makes them tick. Where did their sense of humor and desire to make people laugh come from?

For Gad, his “radioactive-spider-bite-inception moment” was in kindergarten, when his mother threw his father out of the house for being unfaithful to her.

“The trauma of going from a full family unit to a broken household in a matter of minutes was fairly earth-shattering to me, but it would also set me on a course to become the entertainer I would one day be.”

What I enjoyed about this “Tell-Some” was the combination of Gad’s humorous asides and times when he addressed things that affected him emotionally. He talks about his parents’ divorce, his struggle with his weight and self-image, and what it felt like to become a father in the midst of his career trajectory starting to rise.

I don’t read a lot of memoirs, particularly celebrity memoirs, but there’s something about Gad that reminds me of myself. (In the fat Jewish kid who desperately wanted to show all of his doubters how talented he was way, not the Tony-nominated actor way.) It definitely revealed his complexity and served as a reminder that you never know what a person is going through just by looking at them!

Now…do you want to build a snowman?

Book Review: "The Jolliest Bunch: Unhinged Holiday Stories" by Danny Pellegrino

“I was an emotional kid, who turned into an even more emotional adult—one who mourns the good times as much as he mourns the bad. Perfect days end with me wiping up the same tears that result from the crappy days.”

The holidays always seem to bring out healthy doses of both joy and craziness. I guess that’s why they’re such great fodder for writers. In The Jolliest Bunch, Danny Pellegrino, host of the podcast “Everything Iconic with Danny Pellegrino,” shares some of his holiday memories. They’ll either make you feel good about your own experiences or make you think he doesn’t know what crazy really is.

Having read his last book, How Do I Un-Remember This, I really enjoy Pellegrino’s voice. His stories never seem so wild as to be preposterous, but they’re always at least a notch or two beyond the usual holiday experience.

Some of my favorites include: “The Nativity,” which meshes your typical Christmas play story with an overly dramatic child with abandonment issues; “Black Velvet,” in which he gives Mrs. Claus her long-overdue adventure; “The Night Before,” about his mother’s annual meltdown before hosting a Christmas Eve party; and “The Ghostly Duo,” where he recounts his experience being haunted by a gay, pop culture-savvy ghost.

Not every story was a winner for me, but many of them touched my heart, reminded me of my own experiences, and/or made me laugh. No matter what Pellegrino talked about, it reminded me to always find the joy in being with those I care about, because you never know when circumstances will change.

While I mostly read fiction, this book was a fun departure for me. This reminds me a bit of a David Sedaris collection but it has a charm all its own.

Book Review: "From Here to the Great Unknown" by Lisa Marie Presley and RIley Keough

I’ve been an Elvis fan for as long as I can remember. My parents used to play his music, I watched a lot of his movies while I was growing up, and I distinctly remember people being upset when he died. A few years after college, a friend and I even road-tripped down to Memphis and visited Graceland.

As an Elvis fan, Lisa Marie Presley also fascinated me. I enjoyed her music and was always fascinated by her life, and felt it was really tragic when she died. Needless to say, when I heard her memoir, which was finished by her daughter, was going to be published, I knew I needed to read it.

This book was an emotional one. Not only was it sad to read about how devastated she was to lose her father when she was 9, but she struggled her entire life with so many things. Addiction. Depression. Being such a subject of fascination for the public. Finding and keeping love. Grief.

While there wasn’t much in the book that necessarily surprised me (although I had forgotten she was briefly married to Nicolas Cage), it still was gripping to read her thoughts. The counterpoint and further details Riley Keough provided definitely deepened the story through her perspectives.

I often wonder if life in the public eye truly prevents a person from living a “normal” life and enjoying it. Certainly from this book you can see how Lisa Marie’s fierce parenting protected Riley from falling into many of the same traps that her mother did.

This was moving and powerful. I’m so glad Riley decided to ensure that her mother’s story didn’t remain untold after her death. And I feel grateful that the Presleys shared their talent with the world.

Book Review: "What I Ate in One Year (and related thoughts)" by Stanley Tucci

“Sharing food is one of the purest human acts.”

If you had told me a few years ago that I would absolutely love a book in which someone essentially listed what they ate over the course of a year, I would’ve thought you were crazy. But then again, if it wasn’t Stanley Tucci telling me about his meals, it might not have been the experience this book was.

I fell in love with Tucci’s earlier book, Taste, and also really enjoyed his show, Searching for Italy. There’s just something so appealing about his love of good food, sharing it with family and friends, and mastering the preparation of it, not to mention recognizing the errors he or others made.

A diary of sorts, Tucci recorded what he ate in 2023, sometimes sharing specifics—location, his dining companions, what he thought of the food—and sometimes just being general. At times he’ll talk about why he liked or didn’t like a particular dish; other times he’ll share a memorable anecdote. (Even some recipes!) He and his wife Felicity both love to cook and entertain, and they do a great deal of it in the book.

You won’t want to read this on an empty stomach, especially if you’re a fan of Italian food. Tucci’s literary voice is so clear and direct—he doesn’t beat around the bush when he has something negative to say. Boy, I’d love to grab a meal with him or just talk food!!

“Part of the beauty of a certain dish or a meal is that it is ephemeral. It can be repeated but it will never be the same. Like the performance of a play. The lines and staging will be the same, but the result will always be a little different.”

Book Review: "Be Ready When the Luck Happens" by Ina Garten

The Barefoot Contessa’s memoir is finally here. How great is that?

Years ago I went to culinary school and worked as a personal chef and caterer for a while. One of the people whose recipes I loved and often adapted was Ina Garten. It’s amazing how an incredibly wealthy woman with an amazing house in the Hamptons who hobnobs with celebrities seems as down to earth as she does.

Amazingly, this culinary icon got her professional start writing nuclear energy papers for the Ford and Carter administrations. But she was bored and didn’t feel like her work had an impact, so heeding her husband’s advice to do what you love, they bought a small gourmet shop, The Barefoot Contessa, in the Hamptons. Never mind the fact that she had no experience in the food business!

It was so easy for me to get caught up in this memoir, as if Ina was telling me her life story over dinner. She touches on her unhappy childhood and her desire to do things that weren’t traditionally appropriate for young women. She found her independent streak early and it’s never abandoned her.

As much as I loved her stories about her finding her footing in the food business and her stepping into the spotlight, the most entertaining parts of the book are when she recounts meeting her husband Jeffrey while she was still in high school. Their love story is often satirized but theirs is a sweet relationship.

I enjoyed this book so much. To me, it came across exactly as she does on television—full of joy and gratitude at the good fortune she has found. Such a delight.

Book Review: "The Third Gilmore Girl" by Kelly Bishop

“I’ve been blessed with a career that’s had its disappointments, but for the most part it’s been a series of dreams come true. The fact that I’ve done it on my terms, without compromising my privacy, my integrity, and my relative anonymity, makes it even more gratifying. I can’t imagine having done it any other way and still looking back on it with the joy and the satisfaction I do today.”

I was obsessed with the movie Dirty Dancing when it came out. While I loved everything about it, Kelly Bishop’s small role as Baby’s mother definitely made me laugh. But at that time, I had no idea that she was a Tony-winning actress, with a career in theater, dance, and movies.

Of course, she hit her stride as Emily Gilmore in Gilmore Girls. It was (and still is) one of my favorite shows, and she was utterly perfect as the appearance-obsessed matriarch, who fiercely loved her family and wished she could connect with Lorelai as well as Lorelai connected with Rory.

Ever since I found she had a memoir coming out, I was eager to read it. And it was so good, truly written in her voice (which I could hear the whole time). This is an account of her career, from her early days as a dancer to Gilmore Girls and beyond. It’s also a behind-the-scenes look at the creation of A Chorus Line, and the way she helped shape her role as Sheila.

At the same time, it’s also a chronicle of her relationship with her parents, particularly her mother. She also recounts her romantic life, the ups and the downs through the years. Bishop tells it like it is but she is never mean, and she refused to embarrass anyone by name.

Celebrity memoirs can be unpredictable, but I absolutely loved this. It’s funny, emotional, self-deprecating, and full of details about Bishop’s career. What I loved the most, however, is her warmth and her gratitude about the path her life has taken. (And she’s unabashedly Team Logan, IYKYK.)

Book Review: "The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition" by Alan Downs, PhD

I don’t read much nonfiction beyond an occasional memoir, but this was our book club pick for August. We read the second edition, which was revised in 2011; the original was written in 2005.

The book is organized in three stages that the author believes describes the journey of most gay men. The stages are arranged by the primary manner in which gay men handle shame, from being “in the closet” and fearful of their own sexuality, to overcompensating by being more “successful, outrageous, fabulous, beautiful, or masculine,” to building a life based on their own values instead of feeling like they have to prove themselves.

“While we are different, we are at the same time very similar to all others. We want to be loved and to love. We want to find some joy in life. We hope to fall asleep at night fulfilled from our day’s endeavors. In these aspirations and appetites we are like all men and women. The problem is, our path to fulfilling these basic human needs has proven to be fundamentally different from the well-worn paths of straight humanity.”

While I recognized moments from my own coming out journey in the book, I also felt at many times the author was making generalizations that didn’t necessarily apply to me. I do understand that some may have a poor relationship with their fathers because of their sexuality, but that wasn’t the case for me.

What we found from our book club discussion is—unsurprisingly—every person’s experience is different, so the book resonated in different ways with each person. Some felt this was a powerful and valuable resource; others didn’t feel as connected to the book.

I probably wouldn’t have read this if it weren’t for the book club, but it definitely made me think. And sometimes that’s what reading does for us.

Book Review: "T-Shirt Swim Club: Stories from Being Fat in a World of Thin People" by Ian Karmel and Alisa Karmel

“To be fat in America is to be subject to a ceaseless and powerful campaign to make you feel ashamed of yourself. It happens directly, it happens indirectly, on purpose and by happenstance, but no matter how it happens, it’s cruel and constant and consistent.”

Ian Karmel is a comedian and comedy writer who was the co-head writer for The Late Late Show with James Corden. He’s also struggled with his weight for the majority of his life—he’s weighed as much as 420 pounds and now is comfortable with where he is. (Mostly.)

In this deeply personal, funny, and thought-provoking memoir, Karmel recounts his experiences growing up fat, from his early childhood to the days where he was at his heaviest, as well as his reflections on his journey to a place where he feels more in control of his weight. He touches on everything from dealing with the ridicule of his classmates (not to mention teachers and other adults), the myriad diets he tried, his success as a football player in high school, and what it was like trying to find someone to date.

“Now that I’m an adult, I can see all the terrible places I went, physically and mentally, because I was a fat kid.”

The last section of the book, “What Now?”, is written by Karmel’s sister Alisa, a psychologist who provides counseling for weight-centric concerns. She also struggled with being fat, so her section deals with more of the facts than the feelings.

As someone who has dealt with weight issues for most of my life, this book definitely hit close to home for me. The emotions, the shame, the diet attempts, the reaction of others—my experiences were similar but different. I found this very meaningful and cathartic in a way.