Book Review: "Limelight" by Andrew Keenan-Bolger

OMG, I had such a smile on my face after reading this! The blurb described this as Fame meets Rent, so I jumped on it immediately. (It’s more the former than the latter for sure.) Thanks so much to Penguin Workshop and NetGalley for the advance copy!!

Danny has always tried to do the right thing, but sometimes it’s just not easy. But he knows he has to go after his dreams. Inspired by his late, musical-loving uncle, he cuts school in Staten Island and heads to NYC for the very first time in his 15 years. His destination: auditions for the LaGuardia High School of Performing Arts.

It’s 1996, and Danny’s father is an abusive cop. A performing arts school is no place for a boy like him. But somehow he’s able to convince his mother to let him attend. LaGuardia is everything he dreamed of and more, so much more. He’s utterly overwhelmed, but thanks to a group of new friends and an empathetic teacher, he starts to get his bearings.

There’s so much he doesn’t know—about musical theater, NYC, the club scene, performance art, drag, etc. But his friends, especially aspiring drag queen Christian, make sure he’s learning more than just what he is taught at school.

More and more, Danny starts struggling with belonging and figuring out who he is. And as he and Christian start to draw closer, Danny’s parents threaten to send him back to Catholic school, and Danny doesn’t know which way to turn.

This is such a warm, bighearted book. I was a theater kid and I watched the TV show Fame religiously, so it felt so familiar to me. It’s a YA book, and it definitely skews that way, but it really was like a big hug.

The book publishes 2/24.

Book Review: "Flirty Dancing" by Jennifer Moffatt

I don’t know about you, but I can’t resist a book that has this as its title! Thanks so much to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for the advance copy of this fun book.

Archer was an accountant in Ohio who quit his job to move to NYC and pursue his dream of being on Broadway. But the auditioning isn’t going well, and maybe his mother is right: 27 is too old to chase your dreams. Still, he goes on one more audition, vowing to head back to Ohio if he doesn’t succeed.

He lands a job as a performer at Shady Queens, an LGBTQ-friendly resort in the Catskills. It’s not quite what he was hoping for, but you never know where your big break can come from. Much to his surprise, he learns that one of his co-stars is Mateo Dixon, once a Broadway star and Archer’s teenage crush.

After Mateo’s time on Broadway flamed out in spectacular fashion, Shady Queens is one of the only jobs he can get. He’s not thrilled to have been the target of Archer’s teenage worship (which has maybe carried over into his 20s), but all he wants to do is dance. Maybe he’s a little standoffish, but he’s still sexy as hell in Archer’s eyes.

Archer tries to build a friendship with Mateo but always seems to say and do the wrong things. And when a relationship with Caleb, one of his castmates, turns sour, it adds to the drama and tension among the performers. The show starts to suffer, and it’s up to the performers to buckle down and try to leave their emotional issues offstage.

As a huge fan of musical theater and romance, I really enjoyed this book. The characters were fun, emotional, and overly dramatic, much like you’d imagine performers to be. I loved the chemistry between Archer and Mateo, and at times it felt like Shady Queens reminded me of Kellerman’s from Dirty Dancing.

The book will publish 5/27/2025.

Book Review: "Variation" by Rebecca Yarros

This was really good and really intense. Nothing like a powerful, all-consuming love story to get the blood pumping!

“Messy is good, love. Messy is where the best parts of life happen. You don’t have to be in control at all times. It’s okay if you fall apart. I promise I will be right here to put you back together if you just let me.”

Allie is an exceptionally talented ballerina. Her sisters are also dancers, and they all exist under the critical eye of their mother, who never achieved her own ballet dreams. She expects nothing but perfection at every second, and will tolerate no distractions from the achievement of the goals she has set for her daughters.

When Allie is injured during a performance, she goes to her family’s summer house to recover. The last thing she expects is to see Hudson again. Hudson, her best friend growing up, and her one true love. The one person she always hoped to see yet cannot bear to, even years later.

Hudson, a rescue swimmer for the Coast Guard, has one regret in life: that he left for basic training without saying goodbye to Allie. He has loved her since he was 17, and her absence from his life has haunted him ever since. When his niece Juniper asks for his help finding her biological parents, he enters Allie’s orbit again. Can they pick up where they left off years ago? And could that survive the secrets that both have kept hidden?

I’m a huge fan of Rebecca Yarros’ storytelling. There’s so much to love about this book—secrets, lies, family dysfunction, rivalry, drama, and some serious steam. I was hooked from the very first page, and while Juniper was very manipulative, I still enjoyed this book immensely.

Book Review: "Something Close to Nothing" by Tom Pyun

“Adulthood isn’t a fairy tale; long-term relationships don’t play out like a Hallmark movie. Relationships are primarily about having shared goals, like creating a family. You have to be in it for the long haul.”

Winston (Wynn) and Jared have been together for a number of years now. Jared is the responsible one; Wynn recently quit his corporate job to become a hip-hop dancer. But they’re about to take a major step: flying to Cambodia for the birth of their baby girl via a surrogate.

The thing is, Wynn isn’t so sure he wants to be a father. Jared may already be planning for their second child, but Wynn can’t imagine being tied down, forced to take care of a baby and give up his dreams. As they get ready to board the plane, Wynn flees, leaving Jared alone with no explanation.

Jared can’t believe that Wynn didn’t tell him sooner that he didn’t want a baby. But Jared desperately wants to be a father, so he makes the trip on his own and his mother meets him in Cambodia, where they await the birth of his daughter.

As Jared deals with the rigmarole of surrogacy in a foreign country and then settles in back at home in San Francisco with his new daughter, Wynn is trying to find himself and get started on his new dance career. Jared devotes himself to fatherhood while Wynn auditions for a singer’s comeback tour and teaches dance in different countries. Both think the other is self-centered and wonder if they made a mistake, but try to get on with their lives.

Neither character is entirely likable, but you can see how they are both right and completely wrong for one another. This is a book about what it feels like to realize you need to grow up, and how you don’t have to give yourself up to be with someone else. It’s both a funny and sad story, and very thought-provoking.

Book Review: "City of Night Birds" by Juhea Kim

There’s something about making art—theater, dance, music, visual art, etc.—that provokes such strong emotions. That’s probably why artists are such rich sources of inspiration and drama, which make them perfect muses for fiction.

“The true cost of accomplishing something you want with your whole being is that the moment you get it, you realize that it’s not enough.”

Natalia, a prima ballerina, returns to St. Petersburg in 2019, two years after an accident disrupted her career. She is invited to dance again, something she both looks forward to and fears.

Being back in St. Petersburg evokes many memories for Natalia. She dreamed of being a ballerina since she was young, and achieved tremendous success, but at the same time, she also experienced rejection, loneliness, pain, and estrangement from her mother. And while she may be past her physical prime, she is determined to give an unforgettable performance.

She is reminded of Alexander, the talented dancer with whom she created magic—both creatively and emotionally. She also is reunited with Dmitri, the mercurial, spiteful genius who caused her a great deal of anguish and self-doubt.

This is a very introspective, slow-moving story, but I found it dramatic and utterly fascinating. It shifts back and forth through time, from Natalia’s childhood to the present, and follows both her career and her personal life. I loved the behind-the-scenes look at the cutthroat world of Russian ballet, and while at times I wished the pacing would speed up, I’ll definitely be thinking about this one for a while.

Book Review: "The Third Gilmore Girl" by Kelly Bishop

“I’ve been blessed with a career that’s had its disappointments, but for the most part it’s been a series of dreams come true. The fact that I’ve done it on my terms, without compromising my privacy, my integrity, and my relative anonymity, makes it even more gratifying. I can’t imagine having done it any other way and still looking back on it with the joy and the satisfaction I do today.”

I was obsessed with the movie Dirty Dancing when it came out. While I loved everything about it, Kelly Bishop’s small role as Baby’s mother definitely made me laugh. But at that time, I had no idea that she was a Tony-winning actress, with a career in theater, dance, and movies.

Of course, she hit her stride as Emily Gilmore in Gilmore Girls. It was (and still is) one of my favorite shows, and she was utterly perfect as the appearance-obsessed matriarch, who fiercely loved her family and wished she could connect with Lorelai as well as Lorelai connected with Rory.

Ever since I found she had a memoir coming out, I was eager to read it. And it was so good, truly written in her voice (which I could hear the whole time). This is an account of her career, from her early days as a dancer to Gilmore Girls and beyond. It’s also a behind-the-scenes look at the creation of A Chorus Line, and the way she helped shape her role as Sheila.

At the same time, it’s also a chronicle of her relationship with her parents, particularly her mother. She also recounts her romantic life, the ups and the downs through the years. Bishop tells it like it is but she is never mean, and she refused to embarrass anyone by name.

Celebrity memoirs can be unpredictable, but I absolutely loved this. It’s funny, emotional, self-deprecating, and full of details about Bishop’s career. What I loved the most, however, is her warmth and her gratitude about the path her life has taken. (And she’s unabashedly Team Logan, IYKYK.)

Book Review: "The Last Dance" by J. Mackenzie

What a lovely book this was! Having read lots of romances, I kept waiting for things to take a melodramatic turn. I’m grateful to J. Mackenzie for letting the characters and their story shine on its own.

Achilles has been a professional ballet dancer for a number of years, performing all over the world. He’s excited to return to NYC for the first time in 10 years to star in Romeo and Juliet, and inherently, he knows this will be his last show.

The last time Achilles was in NYC, he was a glorious dancer but a nightmare otherwise, driven by his ego and feeling like everything was owed to him. He drank and did drugs, and treated everyone horribly. It’s taken him 10 years and a lot of therapy to be able to reflect on his journey and those he hurt.

He’s utterly shocked when he realizes that Patroclus is the stage manager of the show. Patroclus was the person Achilles hurt the most, and seeing him again throws Achilles for a loop. But while he’s been thinking of how horrible he was to people and how much he hurt them, it doesn’t appear Patroclus has been suffering. He’s doing what he always wanted to, and seems to have his life together.

How difficult will it be to work with Patroclus and be consumed by guilt and regret? Can they be friends, or perhaps have a second chance at happiness? At the same time, Achilles must figure out what’s next for him if this really is his last show. What will his life be without dancing, the one thing he’s done since he was a child?

I really enjoyed this romantic, sexy, sweet book, full of glimpses into the world of ballet. Achilles and Patroclus had terrific chemistry and I loved the way their relationship developed, as well as Achilles’ friendship with his dance partner. (Interestingly enough, while the MCs have names from mythology, everyone else’s names are normal.) I’d love a second book within this world!

Book Review: "They're Going to Love You" by Meg Howrey

The latest novel from Meg Howrey is a story of ambition and family dysfunction, set against the backdrop of the ballet world.

With a mother who was a former Balanchine ballerina and a father who managed a dance company, could Carlisle want to be anything other than a dancer? She pursued it with great gusto, especially because it gave her more chances to enter her father’s glamorous world, where he lived in Greenwich Village with his partner, James, a former dancer-turned-teacher.

She loved spending time with her father Robert and James in particular, although in the mid- to late 1980s, the AIDS crisis decimated their circle of friends. But James also taught her about the world, about art, life, and of course, dance. Until a betrayal occurred which tore them apart and estranges her from her father.

Nineteen years later, Carlisle has made a life for herself as a choreographer and dance teacher. One day she gets a phone call—it’s James, and he tells her that her father is dying. She’s not spoken to her father in almost 20 years, but James thinks he’d like to see her before he dies. Doing so reopens old wounds and forces Carlisle to confront the reasons for their estrangement.

Howrey is a former dancer and she brings such authenticity to her descriptions of the dance world, the hunger to perform. I felt like there was a little too much detail here, which bogged the plot down, and it took SO LONG for the reason for Carlisle and Robert’s estrangement to be revealed. (And honestly, I was like, "That's it?")

I’ve seen some great reviews of this, so it might’ve just been me. I have enjoyed some of her previous novels.

Book Review: "Ready to Rumba" by Megan Walker and Janci Patterson

Why is it you always find someone irresistible the minute you swear off dating? The main character in Ready to Rumba wants to know the answer to that question!

Nicole, or Nix, is an amazing ballroom dancer and she’s trying to bring her dance studio to the next level. But while she’s an excellent dancer and choreographer, she’s not been successful at all in the romance department.

Every guy she dates turns out to be a nightmare—they say she texts too much, doesn’t want sex enough, is obsessed with childish things, etc. So she vows to stay away from dating and sex and concentrate on her dancers’ upcoming European tour. She even bets her sister that she can go without sex for four months.

And on the first day of the tour she winds up stuck in an elevator with Marcus, the hot dancer from the rival studio. He’s exceptionally talented but he’s never struck Nix as particularly outgoing—but that all changes while they’re trapped. Suddenly they’re both overwhelmed by their chemistry together, although they both know what trouble their getting together might cause for their studios.

Nix and Marcus decide to dance together in an exhibition, but keep their practices secret. And of course, they can’t keep their hands off each other. Convinced the relationship will eventually implode, Nix decides to throw all of her crazy quirks—and then some—at Marcus all at once. She’ll see how quickly he runs from her and she can avoid heartbreak.

But of course, relationships never quite go the way you expect them to. Not when dishonesty and manipulative partners are in play. Do Nix and Marcus have a shot at a real, genuine partnership—on and off the dance floor? This is a STEAMY, fun, emotional book that had me laughing out loud.

Thanks to Megan Walker for the complimentary copy of Ready to Rumba in exchange for an unbiased review. I really enjoyed this!

Book Review: "I'm Dreaming of a Wyatt Christmas" by Tiffany Schmidt

I'm Dreaming of a Wyatt Christmas (how can you not love this title?) is a sweet YA book about the holiday spirit, crushes, friendship, and trying to put grief behind you.

Noelle Partridge (another super-adorable name for a holiday rom-com) loves Christmas. She always plans major activities for her and her best friends, and she and her father always team up to try and have the best holiday they can, because it helps them deal with the loss of her mother.

But this year, her friends are making every excuse not to do Christmas activities and her father is barely paying any attention to her or the upcoming holidays. So when one of her best babysitting clients asks her to accompany their family on a ski trip over the holidays, she jumps at the chance. The snow can awaken her spirit and she can make lots of money to help pay for Beacon, the exclusive ballet school she wants to attend.

What she doesn’t count on, however, is the arrival of Wyatt, her babysitting charges’ older stepbrother. Wyatt is a fantastic dancer at Beacon and Noelle has an enormous crush on him. Of course, things are awkward and Wyatt doesn’t understand why Noelle is there with his family, but after a while they both let their guards down and share their anxieties and sadness with each other.

This is a YA novel which definitely skews really young, so it would be perfect for younger readers. There’s none of the heavy emotional angst or mature themes you usually find in YA books. It's a cute read!

Book Review: "Filthy Animals" by Brandon Taylor

Brandon Taylor's new collection, Filthy Animals, contains beautifully written, powerful, periodically bleak short stories about the human condition and the need for connection.

I’m a short story fan. In the right hands, short stories can wield even greater power than novels and leave more searing memories. Of course, they’re not always good—sometimes they’re gimmicky, too short, or too long—and they can leave you wanting.

But Filthy Animals is really strong. What’s amazing is that in many stories nothing explosive happens yet I felt moved. That’s the beauty of Taylor’s storytelling—he writes about ordinary feelings, events, interactions—but they take on more power.

Several of the stories in the collection (and among my favorites) are interconnected and take place over the course of two days or so. They follow Lionel, a former graduate student dealing with some serious mental health issues, as he finds himself intertwined with Charles and Sophie, a pair of dancers with a unique relationship. I loved the push-and-pull that existed in these stories.

Other stories I enjoyed focused on a woman in her first same-sex relationship, the dynamics between brothers, and a woman trying to keep the peace in her family while dealing with a cancer diagnosis.

Whenever I post about story collections I do hear from many people that have never read any or aren’t fans. This collection is definitely one of the examples of why I love short stories.

Book Review: "Instructions for Dancing" by Nicola Yoon

Nicola Yoon's new YA novel, Instructions for Dancing, is beautiful, emotional, thought-provoking, and so much more than the simple YA romance I was expecting.

Ever since her parents got divorced and she discovered it was because her father met someone else, Evie stopped believing in love and happy ever after. She’s even giving all of her romance books away.

At a strange Little Free Library, she is left with a manual called Instructions for Dancing. But that’s not all—when she sees her sister kissing her boyfriend, suddenly Evie can see the entire arc of their relationship, from joyful, romantic start to sad finish. And what she sees turns out to be a completely accurate picture of what happened before and what comes after.

Suddenly she is bombarded by seeing what eventually will happen to happy couples in love, and it shakes her. Why would anyone want to fall in love if it is just destined to end in heartbreak?

In an effort to figure out what is happening to her, she winds up at a dance studio, and starts taking ballroom dance lessons. It’s not long before she’s paired up with X, short for Xavier, for a dance competition. X is a confident, sexy, funny musician, and his philosophy is to say yes to everything, so this sudden ramp-up for a ballroom competition with a girl he has never met before doesn’t faze him.

As the two draw closer and her resistance to live starts to create problems with family and friends, Evie has to wonder whether taking a leap of faith with X is worth the probability of failure and sadness. Should she just trust her heart?

I finished Instructions for Dancing early this morning and really loved it. It made me smile, laugh, and it definitely made me cry. Nicola Yoon continues to dazzle me with her storytelling and slay me emotionally.

Book Review: "Bright Burning Stars" by A.K. Small

Drama and angst and jealousy at a Parisian ballet academy? Sign me up for A.K. Small's Bright Burning Stars!

Marine and Kate have been roommates and best friends for years at the Paris Opera Ballet School. They’ve both weathered moments of emotional and physical exhaustion, backbiting rivalries, and constant pressure to be at the top of their game dance-wise or be sent home.

But as they enter their final year, the desire to win the ultimate prize becomes even stronger. Only one female dancer will be asked to join the Opera’s legendary ballet company. It will make that girl a star.

How far will Marine and Kate go to win that prize? Are they willing to lie? Cheat? Sabotage? Seduce the most handsome and gifted male dancer at the school, whom they've nicknamed "The Demigod"? Sacrifice everything, including their friendship? As both struggle with issues that could end their time at the school prematurely—and perhaps even their careers or their lives—they must decide if ballet and winning are the most important things for them.

Along the way there will be flirtations and romantic dalliances, accusations, and lots of tension, but lots of dancing as well. If you’re a fan of movies like Center Stage, then you know what kinds of issues the characters confront. (They’re actually adapting this book into an Amazon Prime movie called Birds of Paradise later this year.)

A.K. Small was a dancer, so this book definitely feels authentic. At times you forget that these characters aren’t adults, but quickly something brings you back into focus. I love dramas like these and couldn’t get enough!

Algonquin Young Readers allowed me to be part of the blog tour for Bright Burning Stars and sent me a complimentary copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making it available!

Book Review: "The Truth About Goodbye" by Russell Ricard

Losing a spouse, a partner, a lover is one of the most difficult experiences a person can endure, and when it happens suddenly, there is no rhyme or reason. Seeing a premature end to your hopes and dreams for your shared future can at times seem almost too much to bear, and as much as friends and family provide love, support, and consolation, sometimes that just doesn't seem enough.

Why does everyone expect you to get on with your life, when you feel as if so much of your life has ended? If there were issues which were unresolved when your loved one died, how can you move on when you truly have no closure? When will you know whether it is ever time to try and start again? These are just some of the questions that Russell Ricard touches upon in his upcoming book, The Truth About Goodbye.

Sebastian's world seemed to stop about one year ago, when his husband Frank died suddenly. Yet as devastated as he is about Frank's death, as lost as he still feels, he blames himself as well, because that night he and Frank were arguing about one of Frank's former flames. He really can't move on because he still wonders whether there was anything going on with Frank and the other guy, although perhaps knowing the truth could be dangerous.

Meanwhile, the rest of Seb's life is an absolute mess, and we're not just talking about his apartment. He's barely hanging on to the two part-time jobs he needs to make ends meet, he can't seem to come up with a routine for the tap dancing class he teaches, and he still dreams of landing that big role in a Broadway musical instead of being just a chorus boy at age 40. Oh, and he's convinced Frank is haunting their apartment.

A further complication enters into his life when his best friend and ex-Rockette Chloe, introduces him to Reid, a handsome landscape designer. Reid seems truly interested in Seb, and lord knows he's lonely, but is he ready for a new relationship?

This is a sweet and moving book, and while it deals with some difficult emotional issues—loss, guilt, grief, loneliness—it never gets too heavy-handed. Ricard has created an interesting bunch of characters, and so much of the plot was so entertaining and full of hijinks that I could totally see this as a movie. (Plus, I'd love to see who they'd cast as Reid, who sounded absolutely yummy from Ricard's description.)

For me, the weak link for a good portion of the book was Seb, believe it or not. I understand what he was going through and all of the complex emotions he was dealing with, but I just wished he would have spoken his mind or snapped out of his indecisive fugue state a little quicker, because he just wasn't very appealing. But ultimately, as his character pulled his life together a little bit more, he became more charming.

I look forward to seeing what comes next in Ricard's writing career, because he's written a winning first novel.

NetGalley and Wise Ink Creative Publishing provided me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an unbiased review. Thanks for making this available!

Book Review: "Among the Ten Thousand Things" by Julia Pierpont

Full disclosure: I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

Deb Shanley knows that her artist husband, Jack, has had problems with fidelity—in fact, when she and Jack first began their relationship, he was still married to his first wife. But since he promised that his latest affair had ended, she is more than just a little thrown when his jilted lover sends Deb a box of all of the emails (many of them sexual in nature) that Jack sent her, especially when that box is delivered to her children's hands instead of her own.

As Deb tries to make sense of her feelings, and Jack vacillates between guilt over the emails and anxiety over the future of his career, their children, 15-year-old Simon and 11-year-old Kay react in different ways. Simon takes advantage of his mother's distraction to dabble in drugs, sex, and delinquency, while Kay struggles with understanding her approaching maturity and the meanness of her fellow classmates. And both look to Deb to set the tone for their relationship with their father; when she waffles on how to deal with Jack, they're unsure of how to deal with her as well.

Julia Pierpont's Among the Ten Thousand Things is an intriguing look at a marriage in trouble, and how others, including children, get caught in the crossfire. It's also the story of trying to find your own strength in the face of crisis and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of, as well as a commentary on whether what goes around truly comes around.

I thought this book was very well written, but the way the narrative structure unfolded ruined the book for me. The first quarter of the book starts out terrifically, providing emotion, anger, frustration with some of the characters, even a little suspense about how the story will proceed. Then, inexplicably (at least for me), the second quarter of the book quickly summarizes what happens to the characters from that moment on, and does so in very short sentences. But there's still half of the book left, and the third quarter of the story goes back to where the first quarter ended. So it was hard for me to remain interested in the story when I ultimately knew what was going to happen.

I saw, after the fact, a reviewer on Goodreads suggesting you read Section 1, then Section 3, then Sections 2 and 4, and I'd imagine if you do that, you might enjoy this book even more. Regardless, Pierpont has a tremendous amount of talent, and I'll be interested in watching her career unfold.

Book Review: "Astonish Me" by Maggie Shipstead

Maggie Shipstead's debut novel, Seating Arrangements, was a funny and touching comedy of manners which chronicled a man's search for sanity and solace in the midst of the days leading to his daughter's wedding. Shipstead chose a completely different route for her second novel, Astonish Me, which focuses on the world of ballet as well as the obsessiveness of relationships and the secrets they foster.

Joan Joyce is a ballet dancer in the early 1970s. For as long as she can remember, she has lived for nothing more than to dance, and she is conscious of the sacrifices she must make to do so, knowing that time is the greatest enemy of her dancing career. Deep inside, she knows she may never be more than a member of the dance corps, but she still feels the need to give her body and her emotions fully to every dance.

"She has been trained to believe that the motions are enough. Each motion is to be perfect, repeated endlessly and without variation, strung in a sequence with other motions like words in a sentence, numbers in a code."

Now THAT'S the way to open a Bar Mitzvah...

And I thought I've seen some pretty ostentatious Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties...

Check out Sam Horowitz's opening dance number at his Bar Mitzvah last fall in Dallas. I would wager that the hora and lifting him and his family up on chairs pales in comparison to this! (I was wondering why I couldn't have something like this at my Bar Mitzvah and then I remembered: I can't dance, and was even less, umm, graceful back then!)

SYTYCD Recap: It's your finahle, Ameriker!

The shriek of shock you heard around 9:58 p.m. ET last night came from our house, as an absolutely stunning Cat Deeley announced the (immensely surprising) winner of America's Favorite Male Dancer. For those of you who wonder whether someone as cynical as I am ever gets surprised, the answer is a resounding, "Hellz yeah!"

But before we dwell on how Season 9 ended with a bang, not my whimper, as well as Witney's proclaiming from the audience that she was going to faint, let's look back at last night's episode.

First of all, how amazing a host is Cat Deeley? Warm, funny, self-deprecating, nurturing of the nervous contestants (see how it's done, Seacrest?), and freakin' hot as hell, I really hope she wins the Emmy this weekend for Best Reality Show Host. (And when she gets her outfit, hair, and makeup right, as she did with her silver sheath dress that made Adam Shankman do his overdone eyes-popping-out-of-his-head gesture, she gets it really right.)

After a look back at the announcement of the winners from previous seasons (and the amazing dancers who finished in second place), we got to see the Top 20 doing their mini-solos! In couples! It's the soulless Alexa and Daniel! Amber and Nick ("Bubblegum and Oil") had to interact again (and Amber even acted reasonably interested)! It's Brandon and Janaya (wait, who?)!

And then my favorites started returning—Amelia and Will (yummily adorable), Matthew (overdressed) and Audrey, Dareian (of the Fred Flintstone feet) and Janelle, Cole (break, heart) and Lindsay, Witney and George, and then your top four dancers, Ameriker! (Cyrus got to go last. Again.)

The judges panel was overstuffed, and not just with egos, as the glorious Debbie Allen (child), the verbose-but-sensitive Lil C, the hammily overemotional Adam Shankman, and a smarmy Keith-Tyce (wearing what appeared to be a bow tie and a Members' Only jacket) joined Nigel and Mary for the evening.

Nigel touted a group routine with the top 20 as "the best routine to open the show we've ever seen." That description was like the hyperbole some networks use to hype television programs—"the best new comedy on Tuesdays at 8" or "the best new drama series not created by Shonda Rimes." But Nigel mentioned the routine also was choreographed in tandem by an increasingly adorable Christopher Scott and the well-dressed admin assistant who apparently has taken over Sonya Tayeh's body. (Seriously. What's with the pageboy wig and the St. Johns knit suit, Sonya? At least she kept the lip ring.)

The routine, to Nathan Lanier's Torn, was really cool. It looked like everyone was dancing in the midst of a wind tunnel, and there were lots of great acrobatics and lifts and Cyrus mostly crawled around the stage. And it was great to see Alexa front and center again. (He said, somewhat sarcastically.)

And with the group number over, that was the last we saw of most of the top 20 for the remainder of the evening, which was unfortunate. But each of the judges got to pick their favorite routine of the evening, most of which weren't particularly surprising.

Nigel picked Matthew and Audrey's contemporary dance to Unchained Melody, choreographed by Travis and inspired by the movie Titanic. It really was a fantastic routine, Audrey's leap from the chaise lounge still amazed me even as I expected it this time, and Matthew was still too dressed.

Lil C picked (inexplicably to me) Witney and tWitch's hiphop routine to My Homies Still, choreographed by Luther Brown. (You remember, the one that turned Jesse Tyler Ferguson into a sassy guest judge, and had Cat trying her "waiting for the bus" move?) Still think Witney was more sexy than street in this routine.

Debbie talked about Sonya's genius and then picked the routine she choreographed to Turning Page for Tiffany and George. I thought Sonya had better routines this season but George really is an absolutely gorgeous dancer. But he finished in the top 8 and Cyrus is in the final. Go figure.

Adam blathered on for a while about the beauty of dance, look at me, yadda yadda yadda, and then picked Cole and Lindsay's amazing paso doble, choreographed by "Jason Gilkinson" (nice, Shankman) to Unstoppable. That, Mary Murphy, is nailing the paso doble. And yet Cole, too, didn't make the final. Growl.

Keith-Tyce still seemed smarmy to me as he picked the awesome Nappy/Tabs hiphop routine featuring Will and Amelia dancing to The Lovecats. (So did Tabitha have her baby like a week ago, and she already looks fantastic? Gotta start hiphop dancing.) I loved this routine, although it wasn't as sharp this time.

If you figured one of the judges was required towas going to pick Keith-Tyce's (pretty awesome) routine for Chehon and Kathryn, set to Eli, Eli (A Walk to Caesarea), you're right. Mary picked it as her favorite and explained it was "inspired by the Hollycaust." Such emotional power packed into that routine, more so than many of Keith-Tyce's other "very special" routines.

Because we still had a lot of time to kill, and we apparently had no desire to see any of the contestants who finished out of the top 10 (except Amelia), each of the four finalists also got to choose their favorite dance. Eliana chose her pairing with Alex Freaking Wong to Stacey Tookey's routine to Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down). Ah. May. Zing. After the routine, Nigel told Eliana that after Vegas week, she was at the top of everyone's list of who should make the top 20, and apparently Desmond Richardson told Nigel that as soon as Eliana got voted off the show he was going to hire her. Sorry, Des. (As a cynical aside, Eliana has the hands-over-her-mouth shocked pose down pat by now.)

Cat got to pick her own favorite routine of the evening: Tiffany and Brandon's death-defying Doriana Sanchez disco routine (11 lifts!) to You Make Me Feel. Honestly one of the best of the season.

Chehon picked his Argentine tango with Anya, choreographed by Leonardo and Miriam to Breathing Below Surface, as his favorite dance. I had forgotten how impressive some of the footwork was, and forgot the lifts they did in the routine. And I was disappointed that Chehon's parents couldn't make it to the finale, but I guess it was expensive to come from Switzerland for at least a few weeks.

After a montage of the numerous hiphop routines performed this season (and not all of them by Cyrus, remarkably), Cyrus, tWitch, Comfort, and Christopher Scott teamed up for an awesome routine to Messinian's Holy Ghost, which Christopher also choreographed. It was so great to see Christopher dance alongside of (and hold his own with) some great hiphop artists. The routine started out with the four playing poker (in traditional card shark-type outfits) and really was terrific.

Tiffany chose to reprise her Mandy Moore-choreographed routine with Ade to Power of Love. She has so much power and finesse in her dancing, and I agree with Nigel's frequent comment that for someone so small, she dances with a much larger presence. The lifts were even stronger this time. Tiffany was really emotional during the show, and this is where Cat proved what a nurturer she is, giving her a tight hug. (I thought Tiffany's face looked strange all night, and it looks like she had a monstrous bump on her head. Hope it didn't happen during rehearsals of the disco number!)

Cyrus' roommates in Dragon House performed a routine to Cryosleep by Cyberoptics, which featured one of Cyrus' other roommates, Bryan Gaynor, who auditioned for Season 7. I was surprised Cyrus didn't show up in the routine. It was actually great.

After a performance from Carly Rae Jepsen (sadly, it didn't feature the cute guy from her Call Me Maybe video), to the surprise of no one, Cyrus picked to reprise his routine with tWitch from last week, to Like a Criminal. While Nigel acknowledged that he got a lot of flak from his comments last week about not voting for Cyrus, he never apologized for them. He told Cyrus he should be the face of some product, and toldhim he "stole the season" with his inspiring performances and energy.

I agree, Nigel, but not in the positive way you meant. Luckily the end result didn't utterly torpedo the show.

The top 10 and the all-stars teamed up for a Nappy/Tabs routine to Circle of Life (the District 78 remix) from The Lion King. It was pretty awesome, lots of fierce jungle drums, acrobatics, hiphop moves (Witney proved she's not all pouty sexy hair shaking when she dances hiphop) and an amazing leap over three dancers by someone I couldn't identify. Awe. Some.

Then it was time for Ameriker's results. Eliana got to do her whole hands-over-her-mouth thing again as she was named America's Favorite Female Dancer. Well-deserved, although I would have been happy with a Tiffany victory as well.

And then the shocker. Cat revealed that Chehon was chosen America's Favorite Male Dancer. He was stunned. Witney was going to faint. Alex Freaking Wong rushed the stage to congratulate Chehon and Eliana first. And Will hugged Cat and lifted her off the ground. (He does love cats, you know...)

I'm so glad that the better dancers won out in the end. As we've seen from the all-stars, the best dancers don't necessarily win, but they're successful anyway, and I'd imagine Tiffany and Cyrus will both be successful in their own right. And Eliana and Chehon get arguably the worst prize package for reality show winners ever—the winners of Star Search back in Ed McMahon's days also received $100,000 each. But that was in like 1983!!

Thanks for accompanying me on this journey of dance. I'll feel a little empty for a while without a show to recap but I don't know that I want to sacrifice my soul to another reality show (although I admit I'm toying with watching the all-star version of Dancing with the Stars despite Bristol Palin).

Go Cat! Win an Emmy! Lord have Murphy...

SYTYCD Recap: Holy reverse manipulation, Batman!

Last night was the penultimate (love that word) episode of SYTYCD's ninth season, which was part hiphop extravaganza, part premature crowning of this year's winners.

Or was it? Was Uncle Nigel's last minute change of heart in which he told the oft-pimped Cyrus he wasn't voting for him (wait, Nigel's allowed to vote?) recognition that he and the other judges gave Cyrus a free pass the entire season at the expense of more talented dancers, or was it a tricky sleight of hand, in which he tried to acknowledge critics who have questioned the show's treatment of Cyrus, but actually rallied Cyrus' ridiculously rabid fans to get out the vote? (Knowing the depths to which this man is capable, I'd go with the latter.)

Whatever the motivation, it was an odd capper to a show so jam-packed with performances—some stellar, some good, some bad (Keith-Tyce's group number, cough cough)—that even I was out of breath after the two hours were up. But luckily we had giggly, excited Cat to prop us up, bedecked in a marvelous red frock and super-red lips. (Seriously, this woman is hot. Why can't she take over the universe instead of Ryan Seacrest?)

Academy Award-nominated director and choreographer Rob Marshall returned to the judges' panel, no doubt happy he wouldn't have to share air time with Lady GaGa and her monstrous projectile boots this year.

The show opened with Eliana and Cyrus' paso doble, choreographed by Jason Gilkison to Daft Punk's The Game Has Changed. Jason changed up the traditional paso by having Eliana be the matador and Cyrus be the cape. (Or, in other words, having Eliana do the dancing and Cyrus just gets to fling himself around.) Sadly, I found it one of Jason's weaker routines on the show. While I thought Eliana was magnificent and she threw herself into the routine amazingly, flapping dress and all, Cyrus' footwork wasn't particularly sharp and he just didn't do much. (And that sums up many of his performances the entire season.)

Nigel praised Eliana's magical combination of performance and technique, and teased Cyrus' outfit ("Did you ever think you'd be on national television wearing a big black dress?"), but cautioned him about lowering his shoulders and straightening his legs. Mary doesn't care about technique where Cyrus is concerned, saying that Cyrus might have thought that "conquering the paso doble was as difficult as skinny dippin' with snappin' turtles" (suddenly she's Southern?), but he nailed it. (Umm, Mary? This is nailing the paso doble. Or this. Cyrus did not nail it, even if he had a hammer. Or a nail gun.) Rob praised Eliana's ability to throw technique away (in a good way) and tell the story. Oh, and Cyrus has exciting passion.

A weepily grateful Tiffany joined Season 4's Will for a Sonya-choreographed contemporary routine that showed how far Tiffany has come this season. Danced to The Time Has Come by Moloko, Tiffany threw herself into the routine with passion and reckless abandon, and there was a lot of spectacular partnering with Will, although he struggled a bit with one of the lifts. It was a combination of soaring and vintage Sonya choreography.

Mary called Tiffany a fabulous dancer and said she was a star. Rob praised her extension and her fearlessness, and said that the song The Time Has Come was particularly appropriate for a show airing on 9/11. Nigel told Tiffany that she may be short in stature but he didn't notice, because her extension and presence make her seem so big, and she's a fabulous dancer.

Just moments after I was complaining that while Cyrus got to dance hiphop countless times during the season but Chehon didn't get to dance ballet, Chehon and Eliana paired up for a ballet routine choreographed by former Kirov principal dancer Marat Daukayev to the pas de deux from the Nutcracker Suite. Well, I say teamed up, although it was certainly much more Eliana's performance, because the routine (and the original dance) had only one real move for Chehon. But his partnering was absolutely magnificent, his lifts were incredible, and don't get me started on the way his legs looked in ballet tights. Holy muscles. (C'mon, I'm a gay guy recapping a dance show. What else am I looking at? Don't hate.)

The judges gave the routine a standing ovation. Rob praised Eliana's versatility and her breathtaking extension, and told Chehon that people don't realize how difficult the male role in ballet really is. Nigel said he never dreamed he'd see two ballet dancers in the finale, and praised Eliana's performance, particularly her quad into an arabesque. He also mentioned what wonderful support Chehon provided in the routine. And Mary got emotional for reasons I didn't understand. (Again, for a woman supposedly so committed to dance and technique, she's really thrown it all away in her praise of Cyrus this season.)

Cyrus and Tiffany took on a Tessandra Chavez-choreographed lyrical hiphop routine. (Wow, another hiphop routine for Cyrus. Yeah, that's fair.) The routine was about a young couple in love, but Cyrus broke Tiffany's heart and although she's moved on, he feels bad about it. Dancing to Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce, I thought it was enjoyable, but Tiffany really outdanced her partner. Even in hiphop. (Shocking, I know.) She really threw everything into her performances.

Nigel reminded us again (it may be like the 17th time) that neither Cyrus nor Tiffany has been in the bottom two, and that both are so good at emotional routines. Then both he and Mary went into this whole song and dance about how Cyrus is so amazing because he can memorize so much choreography when he's never had to before. (This is what judging Cyrus has devolved into, praising him for what every other contestant has to do on the show.) Rob praised that both had abandon, and called the routine his favorite of the night so far. (Wasn't hard to pick a favorite yet.)

The four contestants joined forces for an absolutely ludicrous Keith-Tyce group number to Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. It may have been one of the worst things he's ever choreographed, and there have been some doozies. It felt utterly amateurish, with the contestants each playing around in their respective styles (so Cyrus got to do animation again). What was interesting is the routine had Chehon dressed in a tuxedo jacket with tails and Cyrus dressed in a tuxedo tshirt with running pants on. If that's not an apt comparison between the two, I don't know what is.

Eliana shared thoughts and tears on her journey to the finale, and then danced a solo to Johann Johannson's Passacaglia, which suffered in comparison to her earlier ballet routine.

Chehon paired with Season 2's Allison for a Stacey Tookey contemporary number to Leave from the musical Once. The routine was about a couple faced with Allison's getting an opportunity to leave and pursue her dreams, and Chehon is willing to let her. It was emotional, beautiful, powerful, and sensationally danced. Chehon did an amazing one-handed lift at one point, and in another Allison grabbed hold of his leg and he simply kicked her away. I didn't watch the show in Season 2, but was Allison this good, or has she grown into this talent? Stacey Tookey is becoming my favorite choreographer, and I love how excited she gets about the dancers and their performances.

The judges gave the routine a well-deserved standing ovation. Mary mentioned that Stacey was a three-time "nommy-Eminated" choreographer (Emmy-nominated, for those not well-versed in Mary-speak) and that this was her year. She praised Chehon's performance as free, elastic, and loose. Nigel continued his praise of Allison over her partners, but then told Chehon that he came alive in the routine, and that while in the past he has had some difficulty showing emotion, he was fantastic in this performance. Agreed.

The girls teamed up for a Broadway number choreographed by Ray Leeper (why do I think peeping tom every time I hear his name?) to When You're Good to Mama from Chicago. (Sucking up to Rob a little bit, Ray?) The burlesque-like number featured a pole (but nary a mention of Eliana's pole dancing performances prior to being on the show) and it was a tremendously athletic, fun, sexy routine. But I definitely feel it was steered to favor Eliana, because she was given an incredible opportunity to rotate atop the pole.

The judges gave the routine a standing ovation. Rob joked he was trying to imagine Queen Latifah doing that routine. Mary called it extraordinary, fun, and sassy, and a panting Nigel (gross) made some comment about a pole dancer and Randy Jackson and I threw up in my mouth a little.

In his third hiphop performance of the evening, Cyrus did his solo to Messinian's Holy Ghost. As I've said before, he's amazing to watch, but after a while, these performances start to blend into one for me. Mary and Rob gave his solo a standing ovation.

Tiffany talked about her journey to the finale, and that she didn't get much screen time during the auditions or Vegas shows, and she even blended in on her first few performance shows, so she hopes people realize what a fighter she is. So sweet. I loved her solo to Fantasia's I Believe. So passionate and heartfelt.

The guys paired up with Sonya for a routine designed to commemorate their struggle to get to the finale. Dancing to Fangs by Little Red Lung (the District 78 remix), the routine threw in elements of each dancer's individual style with a lot of lifts and tumbles. Side by side, Chehon clearly outdanced Cyrus, although Cyrus' footwork has improved.

Nigel mentioned that Cyrus has improved as a dancer, he's an inspiration, makes the birds sing and the flowers bloom, blah blah blah, and then called Cyrus his favorite person on the show. He praised Chehon's growth as a person, because he didn't have to grow as a dancer since he's so fantastic, and he called Chehon his favorite male dancer. (My eyebrows raised.) Nigel also threw in a random reference to Jennifer Beals (who was sitting in the audience) and how she inspired a generation of dancers. (Wait, didn't she get sued by someone claiming to be her dancing double? Or was that the person who sued Paula Abdul, claiming she sang and Paula lip-synced?) Mary blathered on about the dancers' journeys and Rob said how the routine was all about camaraderie and lifting each other up, which is what dancers do. (Except in every movie about dance ever made.)

The dancers got a much-deserved short break when French b-boy Jean Sok, who has only one leg, gave an absolutely fantastic performance to Expression by Helen Jane Long. I'm guessing we're only a season away from a dancer with a disability appearing on the show, considering we've seen two performances in a row from dancers with disabilities. (Sorry if that comes across as more cynical than it's meant to be. I'm just not naive enough to believe anything is done on reality shows like this without some calculation.)

Chehon's solo to DeVotchKa's How It Ends (also known as the song from Kent and Neil's fantastic performance from Season 7) was amazing. I didn't like him as much early on as I do now, although I've always marveled at his dancing.

Eliana had a second chance to pair with Alex Freaking Wong (after their amazing routine a few weeks ago), this time to a Travis Wall-choreographed routine to Harry Nilsson's Without You. (I must say, I love that he chose the original version of this song and not Mariah Carey's bombastic version.) The two dancers are terrific together, and imbued this performance with a tremendous amount of passion, athleticism, and beauty.

Rob called the performance "poetry," and said there's nothing Eliana can't do. Nigel told Eliana not only was she his favorite girl dancer of the season, but she is his favorite dancer of all-time on the show. I think she may be in the top five (although I've only seen four seasons of the show), but I wonder about the best of all-time label. But what do I know?

Tiffany and Chehon paired up for a rumba choreographed by Dmitry Chaplin to a cover of Elvis' Love Me Tender by Adam Levy and Norah Jones. I thought it was sexy, dreamy performance; the stage even had gauzy white curtains to set the scene.

Mary said that while Chehon has had problems with Latin dances this season, the rumba suits him, and she called Tiffany a fabulous little Latin dancer, although she didn't believe the chemistry between the two. (But she believed the chemistry between Tiffany and Cyrus? Me says no.) Rob disagreed, saying the routine was sexy and the pair had beautiful connection without overselling. He called Chehon "smooth and elegant," and said he loved watching the pair's abandon. Nigel said the routine was much sexier than the pole dancing performance.

For the final routine of the evening (surprise), Cyrus and tWitch paired up on the season's first animation routine. (For those of you keeping score, that's three hiphop performances for Cyrus, plus the group routine, in which he also got to perform in his own style.) Christopher Scott choreographed the routine, about genetic specimens who break out of a secret lab, to Like a Criminal by District 78. (Someone must be paying District 78 serious royalties this season.) This was a fun, enjoyable number, but it wasn't nearly as mind-blowing as I expected it would be, and I found myself watching tWitch more than Cyrus.

To the surprise of no one, the judges gave the routine a standing ovation. Mary exclaimed how good it was to see Cyrus on his home turf, and said the pair stole the show. And this is when it got interesting. Nigel praised tWitch for the hard work he put into the routine. He then told Cyrus how amazing he was, how inspirational (yet again; it's like the guy is a walking Chicken Soup for the Animator's Soul or something) and Nigel said "I love your bones." However, Nigel explained he wouldn't be voting for Cyrus, because he respects dance, and feels like Cyrus has so much more to learn. So although he's tremendously proud of Cyrus, he needs to vote for Chehon.

Okay, dismissing the fact that I don't imagine Nigel is actually allowed to vote, WTF? I've seen numerous people commenting on Facebook and various other sites that they felt Nigel's comments were disrespectful of Cyrus, and some even said they'd vote with a vengeance for Cyrus even though they didn't think he deserved it, just to prove Nigel wrong.

Was this Nigel finally owning up to the fact that Cyrus is only in the finale because he's likeable and the judges (and, to some extent, the choreographers) have given him a pass all season, but they've torn other dancers to shreds? Was this an acknowledgment that Cyrus has outlasted Cole, Will, Matthew, George, Dareian (even with bad feet), and heck, even Daniel? Do personality and an inspirational story really trump all of that talent? It's not like every one of those aforementioned contestants were unlikeable robots.

That's when you start to wonder whether Nigel knows the audience and the voters of this show all too well, and figured he'd fire up people to vote for Cyrus, but Nigel could get a pass, because he said publicly he supported Chehon. I mean, if you remember Season 8 of American Idol, the judges all but told Kris Allen "Thank you for coming" during the finale against Adam Lambert, but Kris won. Decisively.

Ugh. Why do reality shows force me to have conspiracy theories? Oh, wait. Because most of them are true.

So here's what I think:

Who should win: Chehon and Eliana Who will win: Are you kidding?

I'd like to believe true dancing will prevail, but c'mon. If true dancing won out, it would have been a much different finahle, at least on the guys' side.

So, until then, those of you in California make sure you order your Arts license plates!!

SYTYCD Recap: Can You Dance the Phone Book?

Next week (on Tuesday night—set your DVR appropriately) is the performance finahle, and the season that started with so much promise and excitement is fairly certain to end with one of the most preordained results since Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina duked it out in the Season 10 finale of American Idol. (Wait, Nigel Lythgoe has his hands in that show, too! Go figure!)

But more on my ranting later, because trust me, I have some ranting to do!!

The show opened with an ultra-cool group routine choreographed by Sonya to Kelis' Scream. This was part ballet, part hiphop, and all awesome. The girls had masks over one eye and wore cool dresses, the guys had one eye painted and there was a lot of leaping and lifting and I just really enjoyed it. Once again, Eliana was the star of the routine. (And don't judge me, but I've finally realized after years of marveling at how quickly the dancers change costumes from the group routines to the mini-solos, that the group routine is filmed earlier. I'm quick like that.)

In the mini-solos, Cole did the robot. Cyrus kind of stood there. You know, like he has most of the season. (But did you feel his energy and his personality?)

Cat's frock was really interesting this week, kind of beige-ish with color block boxes of fall colors in rusts and silver. (I shop at Old Navy, what do you want from me?) She told us that the contestants would be performing "not once, not twice, but three times, like a lady" (a little Commodores humor goes far with me)—once with an all-star, once with another contestant, and a solo.

Christina Applegate was back on the judges' panel again. (I'm hoping they're saving Lil' C and Debbie Allen for next week.) She's a good judge, but I felt this week she was trying far, far too hard to get in good with all of the choreographers and the all-stars, and there was also a little too much "Look at me, I know dance vocabulary" going on. (I know dance words, too, but you don't see me throwing in port de bras and grand jeté everywhere, do you?)

The routines began with Tiffany teaming up with Season 2 winner Benji for a jive routine choreographed by super-hyper Jean-Marc Genereux to Lillix's cover of The Romantics' What I Like about You. (Hey!) Benji played a cool guy in a diner, and Tiffany was supposed to be hot for him. Holy wow. This routine was amazing. Benji is a frigging incredible dancer and this routine was lightning quick and jam-packed full of tricks and leaps and movements, and yet Tiffany was utterly captivating. The pair did cartwheels while interlocked, so little Tiffany was, in essence, lifting Benji, and the whole thing was fantastic. I honestly wouldn't mind seeing more ballroom dance and less contemporary (or Broadway?), especially if it could be like this.

The judges gave their first standing ovation of the night. Nigel talked about how much the pair's energy lifted the audience, called Benji "the best swing dancer ever," and said Tiffany more than kept up, pronouncing her flip kicks "fantastic" and her whole performance absolutely tremendous. He also said that despite what Adam Shankman said, he's never danced in heels, but he'd imagine it is very difficult. Mary said "there's no jive talking in this number, just jive kicking," and told Tiffany she could enter a swing championship with Benji right now and win. And Christina went on for far too long about how she takes dance classes with Benji, and how incredible he is, but then she said the routine was perfectly beautiful and a perfect jive, patting herself on the back for also noticing how fabulous the flip kicks were.

Witney was in full paso doble mode for her solo, to Malagueña by The Brian Setzer '68 Comeback Special. She danced around as if she had a bullfighter's cape. Dramatic but a little sloppy.

Cole was paired with last year's champion, Melanie, for a Sonya-choreographed jazz routine designed to show a softer side of Cole, since most of the characters he has embodied this season have been creepy and psychotic. In this routine, to the brilliant Too Close by Alex Clare, Cole desires freedom from his relationship with Melanie as it's holding him back, but she's too selfish to let him go. This also was a terrific routine (I'm sure Melanie was thrilled to dance with someone like Cole after last week's debacle with Cyrus) that actually had Melanie lifting Cole more than Cole lifting Melanie. Beautiful.

Mary said the routine was gorgeous, saying that while last week she couldn't help but be drawn to Melanie (although she insisted she couldn't take her eyes of Cyrus last week), this week, even with Melanie lifting him, Cole drew her in and commanded her attention on stage. Christina prattled on about Melanie's dancing giving her hope (do you feel my eyes rolling?) but then told Cole he was masterful and powerful. She said the routine had an "androgynous oneness," that she "didn't know where one sex ended and the other began." She said that Cole embodies every character he has played so fully. Oh, yeah, and his foot in his pirouette was sloppy, but she doesn't give a s--t because he's so good. (But remember, the dancing needs to be perfect for everyone except Cyrus.) Nigel praised Cole's vulnerability in this routine and said he adapted really well to this style. He said Cole has done extremely well in this competition because he's such a unique dancer. (Hmm, foreshadowing much?) And Cat proclaimed that "Cole isn't scary at all."

I got a little verklempt with Chehon's mother's praise of him in the intro to his solo, and was totally blown away by the twist he put on his solo itself. Dressed in a goth-like costume, dancing to District 78's Way Back Home, it was both powerful and cool. He is a brilliant dancer.

tWitch was back for another week, this time joining Eliana for a Christopher Scott hiphop routine that Christopher called his "most true-to-life routine ever." It was about an extremely hot ballet dancer who has a crush on a super studly postman, so she writes him a letter, but she won't give it to him until he dances with her. The routine, to The Marvelettes' Please Mr. Postman (albeit the District 78 remix), was cute, but seemed much more Broadway than hiphop. (And Spencer Liff Broadway at that.)

Christina didn't seem overly impressed, saying, "Would Jay-Z hire you to be next to him in a video? No," but explained that Eliana is such an amazing dancer, and she tried to find the dance equivalent of the old "you could sing the phone book" chestnut made every so popular by the Dawg on American Idol. (She came up with "I could watch you do YMCA for hours.") Nigel once again demonstrated his utter impartiality (giggle), telling Eliana once again she is his favorite girl dancer, but that this routine relied more on comedy and character than actual dancing. He called the routine "a cheap burger; there wasn't enough meat." (Cat said something about an In-and-Out Burger that I didn't catch.) Mary called Eliana a chameleon and said she was memorable every week.

Ok, kids, save up your money and submit your leave slips for the three-day SYTYCD experience in Las Vegas! Dance like your favorite contestants (unless your favorite contestant is Cyrus, and then you can just have lots of personality), meet Keith-Tyce, Nappy/Tabs, Christopher Scott, and more!

Tiffany's solo to Carmen Reece's cover of Bruno Mars' Just the Way You Are was blah.

The next routine paired Chehon with movie star Kathryn for a Keith-Tyce contemporary routine which (to be cynical for a moment) was clearly his bid for an Emmy nomination this year. It addressed what people do in the face of a catastrophic tragedy, how they live their life with all of their possessions in just one suitcase. The routine, to Sophie Millman's Eli, Eli (A Walk to Caesarea), was performed in an almost gray light, and Chehon and Kathryn looked like they had been through a tornado, with wind-blown hair and dust-streaked faces, as they passed the suitcase between the two of them. At one point Kathryn literally stood on Chehon's bent back. It was a beautiful, emotionally powerful routine, without trying too hard, as I feel some of the "very special" routines on this show can be.

The judges deservedly gave the number a standing ovation, and Keith-Tyce was crying. Nigel put in his bid for Fox renewing the show, as he thanked Fox for allowing them to spotlight routines like this one, which combined a terrific technical side with a terrific emotional one. Mary called it one of the most amazing numbers this season, a "magical moment." She told Chehon he was "so moved by your own movement," and that the routine oozed with power and passion. Christina called Keith-Tyce "a master of contemporary, so profound" (she also called him "dude"), and told Chehon that while technically he's a master, and one of the most brilliant dancers she's ever seen, it has been great watching him grow emotionally.

I loved Cole's solo, to Nox Arcana's Night of the Wolf. He started wearing a hood, and as he took it off he appeared to transform into a wolf. He was wearing a very interesting type of martial arts gi, I'd guess. Really awesome and unique.

Witney and last season's Marko (with a shaved head) paired up on a Ray Leeper lyrical jazz routine about a pair of young lovers on their wedding day who hit a snag when the bride has second thoughts at the altar. ("Just because I'm 18 doesn't mean I want to get married," Witney said, and then warned Marco, "My dad is waiting with a shotgun in the back.") I thought the routine, to No Nothing by Curtis and Reinhard featuring Blaire, was very lyrical and sweet. I've missed Marko.

Mary said that "Witney is still a star to me," that she had many moments of attack and control, and the pair danced beautifully together. Christina said that everyone knows Witney isn't just a ballroom dancer, but she's so capable of so many different styles. She did call Witney out for a lot of "hairography" in the routine (and then, of course, patted herself on the back again for "inventing" the word), saying she missed being able to see her face. Nigel mentioned that in the process of saving contestants from elimination this season, they've been able to talk to the choreographers, and all of them say Witney's a star. And while her character may not have been committed to the marriage in this routine, Witney has been committed to every step in every routine.

Good solo from Eliana, to Death Cab for Cutie's I Will Follow You into the Dark.

So, who do you think got the season's first dubstep number? Yep, Cyrus. Hasn't had a ballroom dance other than the jive the entire season. In this routine, he got to team up with Season 4's amazing Comfort for a Christopher Scott routine to Cinema by Benny Benassi featuring Gary Go. It was really cool, although the whole thing just made me angry. I just don't understand why the show has decided to throw all of their energy behind a dancer who is only strong in one style. I'd totally get it if he showed one iota of improvement or facility in other styles, but he hasn't.

The judges gave the routine a standing ovation. Christina wasn't particularly effusive, stating the obvious "We liked it a lot," followed by the "This was carved out for you, pal." Nigel called Christopher Scott a mathematical genius for the calculations he had to do in order to choreograph with such precision, and told Cyrus, "we know how good you are." And he again reminded us that Cyrus has never been in the bottom two. Mary said that "we're getting all the Twitters" about how much people love Cyrus (eye roll) because "you connect with us." And she remarked how he was "in his Comfort zone." (Get it?)

Witney and Chehon teamed up again for a cha-cha, choreographed by Jean-Marc to Rihanna's Where Have You Been, ironically, the song to which she danced her solo last week. (Yes, my mind keeps hold of stuff like this. What do you want from me?) It wasn't all that good, really. Witney was certainly in her element, but Chehon struggled, and the lifts were awkward.

Mary called the routine a big improvement over Chehon's performance in the samba, but said that Latin dance really doesn't sit well for him. (Has Cyrus had any Latin dance? No, of course not. But he's had two hiphop routines. How many ballet routines has Chehon had?) She called Witney "Lindsay," and said the routine didn't even show her off, and her "hips mean business." Christina sucked up and said, "I didn't notice anything after the deep plie at the beginning of the routine." Nigel joked that the celebrity judges don't like to give criticism (you know, like the real judges do of nearly every other contestant on the show other than Cyrus), but called the routine generally disappointing.

Cyrus did his solo to Sarah Brightman's Harem. Didn't look much different from what he did in his routine with Comfort.

Mia choreographed a contemporary routine for Cole and Eliana about hatred, which Mia said was inspired by rams and how they fight. (Not the St. Louis Rams, who haven't fought since Kurt Warner left, but actual rams.) The routine, to Adagio for Strings by the Brno Philharmonic Orchestra, was magnificent, powerful, athletic, and just amazing.

The judges gave the routine a standing ovation, and Nigel joked that the routine wasn't inspired by how rams fight, it was inspired by his relationship with Mia. He told Eliana, "this is why I want you dancing," and told Cole he was brilliant. Mary called the routine absolutely mesmerizing, and praised its power and strength. Christina sucked up to Mia for a while, saying there were no words to describe her ("I have a few," joked Nigel), and then told Eliana that it seems like she almost has a light coming from her feet, and that she's the perfect dancer.

The final routine of the evening was a Spencer Liff Broadway routine for Cyrus and Tiffany, which Spencer called, "like an episode of your favorite 1950s sitcom that never aired," because it portrayed a young high school couple left alone, who get up to some mischief. The routine, to Debbie Gravitte's Treat Me Rough (Girl Crazy), was cute but messy. Cyrus couldn't get his jacket off for a while, which complicated things, and again, he just didn't do much, a few half-hearted leaps here and there, a lift, but no real chemistry. The audience clapped weakly, and even Spencer seemed underwhelmed. (But super cute.)

The judges stuck to their script. Christina called the routine sassy, and said that "Cyrus keeps up with the best of them, and Tiffany is the best of them." Nigel called Tiffany a combination of the girl next door and sexy, and, of course, said Cyrus was inspirational. (Yes, you, too, can one day unfairly win a competition show in which you did not excel, because the judges like you.) Mary called the number "the cutest ever!" (hearts and flowers all around) and said Tiffany was a superstar in both her routines.

The amazing Access Dance Company did a really cool routine that paired a dancer with one in a wheelchair. Some pretty amazing acrobatics although the constant tipping of the chair turned me into a nervous parent. I kept wanting to look away.

And then it was results time. To the surprise of no one, Witney and Cole were eliminated. (I had forgotten that Witney had braces when she auditioned.) It seems a foregone conclusion that Cyrus will win, and I'm guessing Eliana will, too, although Tiffany could surprise.

I am so frustrated that Cole was eliminated. Why did every single other dancer on the show get criticized for mistakes or weaknesses in technique but Cyrus was told, "well, this wasn't perfect, but who cares?" How many times did the judges beat up Dareian for his feet, Will for not being serious enough, Matthew for not connecting, or others for lack of emotion or chemistry? But all Cyrus has is personality and talent in his own genre. That is it. There hasn't been one non-hiphop dance he's shown any facility in, no matter what the judges told the audience.

I understand that this show is looking for "America's Favorite Dancer," not the best dancer. But if personality and mastery of one genre is all that is needed, why all the fuss about technique for everyone else? Why send all of the other b-boys and hiphop dancers and belly dancers to choreography during the auditions? Why all the melodramatic eliminations of dancers in Vegas for failure to master Broadway or hiphop or ballroom or contemporary (none of which Cyrus mastered in Vegas) when you're touting as the winner a dancer who cannot do any of this? The only thing Cyrus did well in Vegas was his solo, but he made it into the top 20 over a stronger dancer. And that has happened over and over and over again this season.

Of course, I'll watch the finahle next week, and I certainly know Cyrus won't get a ballroom dance, but he'll get to do another solo. Maybe he'll even be last for like the third show in a row. I guess I'm just glad they expanded to have a male and a female winner this season, otherwise no female dancer would get the recognition they deserve.

Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't let a television show rile me up, huh?