AI Recap: Nice Guys Do Finish Last...

Oh, Jere-Bear, say it ain't so! Sadly, the judges chose to jettison the show's "spirit stick," the resident cheerleader, after his Wednesday night performance landed him the least amount of votes among the guys, alongside Elise "Put on a Stank Face" Testone. And in the cruelest cut of all, J.Lo delivered the hard news. But more on that later.

Did you ever notice that Ryan seems to glow a little more on results nights? It's almost like his little internal engine is powered by faking out contestants and crushing dreams.

Luckily for us, last night marked the season's first group performance to what Ryan referred to as "Stevie Wonder's mega-hit As." (Mega-hit? I Just Called to Say I Love You, Sir Duke, You are the Sunshine of My Life, Signed Sealed Delivered, those are mega-hits.) It wasn't as hellacious as these numbers can be, although there was lots of oversinging going on, and randomly, Deandre would just throw in a falsetto note. Dude, just because you can doesn't mean you need to all the time.

The Ford Music Video (to Peter Gabriel's Big Time) made all of the contestants Shannon and Jermaine's actual size and they terrorized a city. (Sadly, they didn't eat Jimmy Iovine.)

And then it was time for Kieran to dim the lights so we could get some results. First up, the grouping of Elise, Jessica and Hollie. Jimmy made his random (and often mean) comments about the contestants as always, saying that his concern for Jessica, whom he believes gave "the best American Idol performance ever," might believe the applause too early and get over-confident. Maybe I'm no music industry expert, but telling a 16-year-old she gave the best performance in a show's 11-year-history might prompt more over-confidence than applause, no? To the surprise of no one, Elise was sent to the stools of solitude, and she did so with visible attitude.

Heejun, Jermaine and Colton were next. Jimmy didn't have anything nice to say about either Heejun or Jermaine's performances, and said he was concerned that Colton needed to be true to himself as an artist and "find his truth." (Coming to a Chinese buffet near you: Fortune cookies with the wisdom of Steven Tyler and Jimmy Iovine.) Ryan gave Colton the old fakeout for the second week in a row: "Colton, America didn't like what they heard last night...they LOVED it. You're safe!" Jermaine is proving to be the not-quite-gentle-giant, visibly reacting to Jimmy's criticism as well as what the judges had to say, and wasn't pleased to learn he was among the bottom three guys. (Jermaine seems to forget he only made the top 13 as a gimmick.)

The final grouping of ladies consisted of Erika, Shannon, and Skylar. Jimmy said that Erika needed to be "more direct" in her presentation of songs and in response to J.Lo's criticism that Skylar's performance Wednesday night started out "nasally," Jimmy crowed, "I like nasal!" Erika was sent to the stools first (and you heard her say to Elise, "It's the old ladies!") and then Shannon learned of her doom as well.

Lauren Alaina and her newly bleached-out hair returned to the big stage with a sassy performance. (Now there's the stage presence and confidence the judges were looking for last season!) I was glad that we didn't have to endure any conversation with her, though.

The final grouping of guys—Joshua, Jeremy, Phillip and Deandre— were ready to learn their fate. Ryan tried to garner Phillip some sympathy votes, asking him about the media story that he had been rushed to the hospital, but he was having none of it. He was safe anyway. After Jimmy eviscerated him ("I think he's going home"), Ryan sent Jeremy to the stools, as J.Lo looked concerned. And then, ridiculously, Joshua was named in the bottom three over Deandre. WTF, America? No one can tell me that Deandre and Heejun were better than Joshua. Sigh.

Mary J. Blige performed her new song and we congratulated J.Lo on the success of her other Fox series, Q'Viva. (Between commercials for that and her Kohl's ads, there's way too much J.Lo on television right now.)

Ryan told Erika and Joshua that they were safe, then asked Steven who out of the bottom four (Jeremy, Jermaine, Elise, and Shannon) deserved to go home. "Jeremy," he said. No small talk this time.

Jermaine's true colors (I miss Creighton) came out again when he did a little too much celebrating in front of Jeremy when Ryan told him he was safe. At least wait until you get to the couch, dude. Shannon was safe as well.

Which left Elise and Jere-Bear. Ryan asked Randy if America got it right with the bottom two, and he hemmed and hawed about different singers and different performances before saying, "Not exactly right but probably." (In other words, yes.) J.Lo was left to deliver the bad news, and she said, "Based on the performances we've been given, we've chosen to save...Elise."

I'll admit I was a little surprised with the end result, although I do think Jeremy was out of his element. But I don't think Elise is much longer for the competition, unless she surprises me.

So until next week, folks, I leave you with this question: Of the six girls on the show, four of them are 17 or 18. Considering the demographic of the show's audience, and the fact that the last four winners have fallen in the "cute boy with guitar" mold, is it still possible for someone like Erika to win the show? Just curious.

AI Recap: Songs You Know by Heart

When I first heard last night's show was going to feature the guys singing Stevie Wonder songs and the ladies singing Whitney Houston songs, I thought it might be a train wreck, but then I thought: Haven't we heard nearly every Whitney and Stevie song on the show already? And the truth is, with only two exceptions, every song performed last night had been performed at least once before.

At the start of the show, Randy—sporting some sort of dead animal on the collar of his jacket and a glittery pin that reminded me of Nancy from the cartoon of the same name (but I found out later it was Betty Boop)—promised, "We got some hot singing tonight, Ryan." (Speaking of hot, J.Lo looked pretty fantastic. Steven, on the other hand, was sporting Roy Liechtenstein-inspired pants with lips on them, so he reminded me of the video for the Alan Parsons Project's song Don't Answer Me.)

Ryan announced the latest twist to ensure that all of their favorites remain on the show for at least another week: the guy and the girl with the lowest votes will be revealed and then the judges will decide who goes home. (I'm sure Jeremy breathed a sigh of relief at that announcement.) I love it when a show changes the rules mid-stream; I'm sure the fact that the show was beaten in the ratings by The Big Bang Theory a week or two ago had nothing to do with it, right, Nigel?

The contestants were mentored (or sabotaged, but more on that later) by Jimmy Iovine and Mary J. Blige, who proved to be a seriously astute coach. Joshua started out the evening singing Stevie Wonder's I Wish, which is one of two songs not yet performed on the show over the last 10 years. (I'm so glad to finally know the name of this song!) I thought the performance was a little manic but vocally he was top-notch, combining a more upbeat style with some of his powerful vocals. J.Lo threatened to punch him again (Joshua might need a restraining order by the end of the season) and Randy told him, he "blew it out at the top of the show," and called him "flavorless, I mean, flawless." Ryan asked about Joshua's gospel-singer like tendency to shake his hands when he sings and he called them his "Mantasia hands." I'm trying to decide if that creeps me out or not.

Elise chose to sing The Greatest Love of All, but Jimmy and Mary weren't happy with the way the song meshed with her voice. They convinced her to sing I'm Your Baby Tonight, for which Haley was beaten up last season. She seemed very unhappy while she was rehearsing because she didn't know the song and didn't feel comfortable, and although Jimmy and Mary seemed to notice, I don't know if they cared all that much. (Was there no compromise song? I thought last season they let the contestants stick to their guns regarding song choice.) When Elise hit the stage, she honestly looked like she'd rather be anywhere else. She looked well-put-together (I think she's a dead ringer for a non-costumed Lady Gaga) and her voice is good, but the whole thing was just wrong. The judges tried to sugarcoat their criticism, telling her with one hand how great her voice is, how her voice has "so much character," but on the other hand, that this "wasn't her best performance," or, in Randy's oft-tactless way, "that one wasn't good." To her credit, Elise didn't try to blame Jimmy and Mary, although she acknowledged she'd only known the song for 4-5 days.

Jermaine the "gentle giant" chose Knocks Me Off My Feet, which has previously been performed by Elliot Yamin in Season 5 and the infamous Sanjaya Malakar in Season 6. It's a nice song, but I always think of Simon's comment, "Why would you sing a song with a lyric that says 'I don't want to bore you.' Of course you're boring me." Jermaine sounded good (and the fashion crew tried to make him look a little more "street," with red sneakers and a puffy vest), but I agree with J.Lo in that I didn't feel he had any emotional connection with the song. She said, "Sing to me," and of course, Randy felt excluded, so he added, "Or sing to me, or Steven." Randy called Jermaine's voice "Barry White meets Arthur Prysock or Jerry Butler," but confided that he liked the verses of the song but not Jermaine's interpretation of the chorus.

Wild card recipient Erika took the stage, hair back to its post-makeover look, last week's bridesmaid's gown traded for a pretty red dress. She chose to sing I Believe in You and Me, previously sung by Melinda Doolittle the week she was ridiculously eliminated in Season 6. Jimmy and Mary cautioned Erika not to try to sing the song as Whitney Houston would have, but to bring her own style to it. Mary J. even told Erika her voice was as rich as "steak and potatoes, there's no celery and peanut butter in that voice." (Mmm...steak.) Erika gave me "goosies," I'm telling you. The judges praised the fullness of her voice and her amazing tone, and Steven even said, "It was perfect. I think you're great," but J.Lo keeps insisting that Erika is holding something back. Not every note needs to be caterwauled, J.Lo. After Randy counseled her, "Dude, let go," Ryan informed Erika that her new nickname was "EVP." Way to go out on a limb, Seacrest.

Apparently everyone was worried about resident heartthrob Colton taking on Stevie Wonder, because he's so alt-rock-dreamy. He sang Lately, a favorite in auditions and the song Stefano Langone turned into a disco number last season. I thought he was outstanding, with a little falsetto plus his Jared Leto-esque smoldering eyes and the dramatic lighting. Steven told him, "You're only as good as your last performance and your last note, and that was outstanding." J.Lo praised him for letting the audience feel his heart, and Randy, ever the pointless contrarian, said, "It technically was not picture perfect, there were sharp notes and some flat ones, until you hit the chorus, which was flawless." He also praised Colton for turning a "Stevie song into a Coldplay song, or 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing' sung by Mr. Steven Tyler." (Shut up, Randy.) Ryan praised Colton's dreaminess, saying that "you can hear the screams in Hacienda Heights."

Shannon chose to sing the oft-covered chestnut, I Have Nothing. (Seriously, everyone from Trenyce, Jennifer Hudson, and Vonzell Solomon, to Katharine McPhee and Lakisha Jones has sung this song.) Shannon struggled mightily with this song, which is surprising considering how big of a voice she has, but it was shouty and off-key, and her "nothings" were choppy. Like Jermaine, she also had a problem finding an emotional connection. All three judges tried to explain that Shannon's nerves got the best of her, but Steven told her she "crashed and burned in the turnarounds." Shannon assured everyone she can "sing [her] butt off," and said she just "needs to do a Heejun and shake it off."

Deandre "I'm Not Terence Trent D'Arby" opted to pull his lustrous locks back and sing Master Blaster. To me, it was all chaos, with the band and backup singers on stage, lights flashing the colors of the Jamaican flag, and not a lot of opportunity for Deandre to actually sing. Steven called it "beautiful," and said that Deandre was "the male Naima [Adedaipo, from last season], bringing a different flavor and Jamaican patois" to the show. J.Lo first said the ending was weird but then tried to cover that up by claiming she didn't want it to end. (She also said she thought he "bought it from the beginning.") Randy praised Deandre for showing a different side of himself, like Joshua did earlier in the show.

Could our country-crooning Skylar take on Whitney Houston? She chose Where Do Broken Hearts Go, aka Pia Toscano's only "upbeat" number last season. When Skylar first started rehearsing, Jimmy and Mary were concerned she was pushing too hard too soon, and cautioned her to bring up the belting gradually. I thought she did really well, showing that she has both a softer side and a rougher side to her voice, and can belt with the best of them. J.Lo claimed that the start of the song "was nasally" but also said that Skylar had "the biggest moment of the night" with the song. Steven's thesaurus was broken, as he called it both "beautiful" and "a thing of beauty," saying that Skylar "climbed that ladder." (What ladder, Steven?) Skylar's performance fit right in with Randy's sudden need for everyone to show a different side of themselves in the first week of competition, telling her, "You can sing country, you can sing any song."

Time for the next episode of American Comedian, with the glassless-specs-wearing Heejun. He and Ryan shared some of his silly pictures, in which he pretended to eat Deandre's hair ("They look like noodles," he said). He chose to sing All in Love is Fair, which both Katharine McPhee and Pia Toscano sang previously. Not much of a barn burner, this song. It started out slow, but Heejun's voice built nicely, although it didn't wow me. I feel like he would have been a bigger deal in an earlier season, when this type of guy's voice was a novelty. J.Lo told Heejun she loved him from the first time he sang for her, and Heejun called her out for hugging Jeremy but not him, saying "I guess you were playing hard to get." "But you hugged Steven," she countered. Randy remembered they were supposed to be judging a singing competition, and told him, "It wasn't perfect but it was really good."

Our pint-sized princess with the gigantic voice, Hollie came next. She definitely planned to let her hair down this week and sing All The Man I Need, which we heard from Season 7 semi-finalist Sabrina Sloan and also from Vegas contestant Jessica Phillips earlier this season. I love Hollie's unabashed charm, her ability to control her big voice, and her freshness, which is the one thing I see she has that Jessica Sanchez does not. Plus, she was able to blow the song out of the water while lights that looked like giant candy corn surrounded her. "Dude, you nailed it," exclaimed Randy, while J.Lo said that "this is the Hollie I know and love from last year and this year." She then decided to shake things up a little (at least among the tween set) by wondering, "will we have two girls in the finals?" (And the voting for Colton, Deandre, and Phillip tripled in volume.)

In what's becoming a tiresome plot point, Ryan, Jimmy, and Mary all reminded us what a wonderfully nice guy Jeremy is. Yeah, I get it. At least he can win the congeniality award. He sang Ribbon in the Sky, which is one of my favorite Stevie songs, and one which I think Justin Guarini (remember him?) excelled on way back in the early days. There's no denying Jeremy has a good voice, despite the fact he kept singing "ribbons in the sky," but this wasn't a wow. That's okay, of course, because he's a nice guy. Steven said his voice was "velvety smooth," but said that "vocally, you didn't fly tonight, because that wasn't in the song." J.Lo has lost all credibility where Jeremy is concerned and claimed she loves to see the way he "interprets" all his songs, while Randy admitted it wasn't Jeremy's best. But luckily, it's up to the judges tonight, so I'd guess Jeremy is safe to be everyone's BFF for at least one more week.

Getting the penultimate, "almost-pimp" spot this week is Jessica. Not surprisingly, she chose to sing I Will Always Love You. Syesha Mercado sang this song during Dolly Parton week in Season 7, and I had little doubt that Jessica wouldn't completely knock it out of the park. It looked effortless, honestly. She has one hell of a voice, and the judges gave her a standing ovation, with Randy shouting, "Give it all to her!" The Dawg then told Jessica that "not only are you one of the best singers tonight, you're one of the best singers in the whole competition!" But Steven did the prophesizing. "You may be the one," he said. (Apparently Jennifer Hudson tweeted "That's it, Jessica!" following her performance.)

Phillip Dave Matthew Phillips David Matthews closed out the show, bringing his gravelly-voiced charm to Superstition, previously sung by Kimberly Caldwell back in Season 2 and Season 8 Wild Card contestant Ricky Braddy (who was totes robbed, BTW). From what I've seen on the interwebs, people either love Phillip or hate him. I count myself in the former camp, as I love the tone of his voice and think he brings something different to the show. The judges love him, too; as Randy put it, "You drive your own car in your own lane and I love it!" (Umm, ok.)

Because we had extra time (always a danger on this show), Ryan asked the judges who were the standouts and who was in trouble. Randy said that Josh and Jessica were the standouts; J.Lo said that Shannon is in trouble but overall, the girls were stronger; and Steven said that Elise and Shannon were in trouble, and the standouts were "Jessica and...Jessica."

Tonight, I predict at least a little bit of objectionable tomfoolery. Don't know in what manner it will come, but something is going to irritate me tonight.

Can't wait!!

Book Review: "The Starboard Sea" by Amber Dermont

When I finish certain books, I'm sad that they're over but feel fulfilled by the chance to have read them. Amber Dermont's debut novel, The Starboard Sea, is one of those books. I couldn't stop myself from wanting to race through the entire book, but tried in vain to slow down as the end approached, because I wanted to prolong the story and see what came next for the characters.

It's 1987, just before the stock market crash. Jason Prosper is a rich high school senior from New York City, raised with all of the benefits a wealthy family can offer. After getting kicked out of his prep school following the suicide of his best friend and roommate, Cal, Jason winds up at Bellingham, a boarding school for many "second chance" kids of privilege. Struggling with Cal's memory and guilt over his death, Jason finds himself drawn to Aidan, a student with her own troubled past. The two begin to let their guards down and confide in one another. And then one night, when a hurricane hits New England, everything goes awry, leaving Jason to once again pick up the pieces, and he discovers just what privilege can do—and what it can't.

At first, I thought I wouldn't enjoy this book because I couldn't identify with rich, reckless high school students used to getting everything they wanted and living lives I could only imagine. But Dermont's development of the characters, even those who seemed on the surface like nothing more than rich kid stereotypes, is very complex, and she really draws you into all that Jason is struggling with. I honestly could have spent another few hundred pages watching what happened next with the characters once they left Bellingham and seeing what direction Jason's life took, and that, to me, is the mark of a fantastic book. Dermont is a really terrific writer and I can't wait to see what she does next!

The magnificence of Meryl...

Although it's been nearly a week since the Oscars, I absolutely could not let my excitement about Meryl Streep's Best Actress win go unmentioned. Although she had been nominated a record 17 times, and won a number of Golden Globe Awards and other honors, she actually hadn't won an Oscar since 1982, when she was honored for her brilliant work in Sophie's Choice.

For many, this Oscar win was a surprise, as conventional wisdom thought that Viola Davis might win Best Actress for her excellent performance in The Help. That was more of an ensemble picture than The Iron Lady, plus Academy voters love rewarding actors and actresses both for biographical pictures as well as those whose characters suffer from some sort of illness, and Streep did both.

The fact is, Meryl Streep was long overdue for a third Oscar. While she gives brilliant performances in nearly every movie she's in, over the years she has given performances that might have been Oscar wins in a different year, or if she wasn't nominated alongside another award-worthy actress.

Some of her best performances in recent years included the comic and poignant Postcards from the Edge in 1990 (she lost to Kathy Bates' unhinged fan in Misery); the heartbreaking One True Thing in 1998, where she played a mother suffering from cancer (she lost to Gwyneth Paltrow for Shakespeare in Love); her flirty, complex portrayal of author Susan Orlean in Adaptation in 2002 (she lost to Catherine Zeta-Jones' Velma Kelly in Chicago); the hard-as-nails and funny-as-hell Miranda Priestley in The Devil Wears Prada in 2006 (she lost to Queen Elizabeth, Helen Mirren, for The Queen); the no-nonsense Sister Aloysius in Doubt in 2008 (Kate Winslet finally won her Oscar for The Reader); and the beloved Julia Child in Julie and Julia in 2009 (she lost to Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side). And she wasn't even nominated for her brilliant work in The Hours in 2002.

For an actress of Streep's stature, by all accounts, she is a tremendously funny, gracious, and generous person. On the awards circuit this year, she told many people she was pulling for Viola Davis (the two acted together in Doubt). Just after the Oscars this week, it was announced that Streep donated $10,000 to a Rhode Island Upward Bound Scholarship Fund in honor of Davis, who established the fund with her sister in 1988. Streep also donated $10,000 to the Segue Institute for Learning in Central Falls, RI, where Davis grew up.

And how can you not love and respect a woman who has used the same hairdresser and makeup artist on every movie since 1982, someone she has known for 37 years? She made a point of thanking J. Roy Helland in her acceptance speech. (Helland also won an Oscar for his work on The Iron Lady.)

Streep was at her self-deprecating best during her acceptance speech, which I've included below. And even if she's correct, that she'll never win another Oscar, I hope she continues delivering exceptional performances and being a role model for other actors—and human beings.

Book Review: "Coral Glynn" by Peter Cameron

What a captivating little old-fashioned soap opera of a book!

It's England in 1950. Young Coral Glynn, a nurse, arrives at Hart House, an isolated mansion in the countryside, to care for the terminally ill Mrs. Maud Hart. Other than Mrs. Hart, the house is populated only by the housekeeper, Mrs. Prence, who takes an almost-immediate dislike to Coral, and Mrs. Hart's somewhat-estranged son, Clement, who was injured in World War 2, and spends most of his days brooding over his injuries. Clement sees in Coral a solution to keeping his beloved childhood friend, Robin, and their latent homosexuality, at arm's length; Coral sees in Clement stability, especially after she encounters children playing a disturbing game in the woods. All at once, they are propelled into a relationship both are unsure of, and as secrets are revealed, it appears Coral is not quite what she seems. This novel has all of the makings of the novels of days gone by—death, suspicion, misunderstandings, unrequited love (in many forms), desparity between classes, secrets, and intriguing characters.

Peter Cameron is a fantastic writer—his novels The Weekend and Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You are among my all-time favorites. This is a very interesting departure from anything he's written before, and it really feels very old-fashioned, in an enjoyable way. If I have any criticism of this book, it's that I didn't feel that Cameron made a persuasive enough case for Coral's appeal to so many. To me, she seemed indecisive and flighty to a point that was somewhat annoying from time to time, but it didn't mar my enjoyment of the book overall. At slightly more than 200 pages, this is a very fast, enjoyable read, and the type of book you (or at least I) rarely see these days.

AI Results Show Recap: "But Did You See Hotel Rwanda?"

Let's say you're lactose intolerant. You know that every time you eat any dairy product or something containing dairy, you get sick and feel miserable for a day or two. Yet when presented with the opportunity to eat pizza and ice cream, you jump at it.

For me, American Idol is my pizza and ice cream. I know that it's going to anger or disappoint me (or make me sick) multiple times throughout the season, and yet I can't stop watching.

Last night America's top 10 and the judges' choices for the three Wild Card slots were revealed. While most of the contestants were my choices, I still am a little disappointed that two of my favorites didn't advance in favor of gimmickry and emotion.

Last night also saw the return of Grouchy McDuck, aka Interscope Records' Jimmy Iovine, as he sat in his little room and made comments about all of the contestants. While some of what he said was welcome acid to cut the frothy meringue of the judges' non-feedback, some of it was just mean-spirited. It would be nice if there was some middle ground between the often-unnecessary ego boosting from the judges and the painful (although honest) ego-crushing from Jimmy.

While he did praise some contestants, here are some of his more choice comments:

"This Joshua is the real deal. My job is to make sure this isn't Sister Act 3." "Heejun completely confuses me. His voice is sort of good, but this is American Idol, not American Comedian." "The judges gave Aaron a standing ovation. To me, he was like a cheesy Don Cheadle." "Creighton has an interesting voice. I think it's screechy. The judges liked him; I didn't." "Adam says he has a large black woman inside him. As of right now, he's not pulling either of them off."

Making it through to the top 10 on America's votes: Phillip Phillips, Jessica Sanchez, Hollie Cavanagh, Joshua Ledet, Heejun Han (seriously?), Skyler Laine, Shannon Magrane, Elise Testone, Colton Dixon and the "gentle giant," Jermaine Jones.

Onto the Wild Cards. I was hoping for a performance like Stefano Langone's mesmerizing rendition of I Need You Now last year, but I don't think we quite reached that level.

Jen was first up. I had a feeling she might be doomed when Ryan asked her before her performance, "Where did you go wrong the other night?" and she replied, "I don't think I went wrong. I guess I just didn't stand out as much as some other contestants." She sang The Beatles' Oh Darling, and while perhaps her Wednesday night performance didn't stand out, she really gave all of herself to this performance. But perhaps it was a little too much vocal pyrotechnics a little too late, because the judges were somewhat tepid with their feedback.

To the surprise of no one, J.Lo chose Jeremy next. He sang Carrie Underwood's I Know You Won't. When he gets going and hits the bigger notes, his voice is really pure and powerful, but I don't like the breathiness and choppiness of some of his phrasing, particularly at the start of songs. But he hit some really great notes, while J.Lo watched him lovingly, tears in her eyes. Overcome with emotion, Jeremy couldn't finish the last note. He told the judges that he promised them he'd prove how good he could be if they gave him a second chance, and the judges all talked about what a nice guy he is and how talented he is, although the praise reached hyperbolic proportions when J.Lo said he had one of the most beautiful voices she had ever heard.

Steven chose Brielle, who nearly knocked Ryan down in her need to be the center of attention her excitement. Despite Jimmy and the judges' criticism of contestants singing Adele, she chose to sing Someone Like You in an effort to prove to the judges that she "lives for this," and "does it all day every day." (Sweetie, you're in high school.) This just wasn't very good; there are songs that you should tear into and songs you should leave alone. This was clearly the latter. Steven told her she was "pitchy in her turnarounds" and he "just didn't hear it tonight."

Randy's second selection was (no surprise) Deandre, who had pulled back his hair into a ponytail to await the judges' decision, but then let it down again as he announced he'd be singing Georgia on My Mind. To me, Deandre's performance was like that of a figure skater or gymnast in medal contention at the Olympics—he has all of the skills, but in an effort to win just throws everything he has out and hopes he will succeed. He flipped his hair, he growled, he was soulful, he used his falsetto, but I thought all in all, the song was a bit of a mess. (Jimmy said earlier that Deandre is talented but "needs a coach." I felt this performance proved that.) But the judges lapped up the excess, telling him he should "sing this way all the time."

J.Lo gave Erika another shot. She picked Lady Gaga's Edge of Glory, and really gave it all she had. I love her voice, even though I knew she probably would succeed at Jen's expense. The judges told her she "knocked it out of the park."

The final wild card slot went to Reed. Rather than take this opportunity to show a mellower side, he sang Bill Withers' Use Me, and it was just one big mess of scatting, cackling (this year's growling, I guess), mugging, and an occasional sung note. The judges told him he nailed it, and that they loved "the artist" in him.

After Ryan salivated by making the contestants wait until after the break to find out the judges' decisions, the choices were revealed: Randy chose Erika, J.Lo chose Jeremy (insert surprised face here), and Steven chose Deandre.

All in all, it's not a bad group of people, although I would have traded Heejun and Jermaine for Creighton and Aaron, and Shannon for Jen.

Next week: the guys sing Stevie Wonder songs and the ladies sing Whitney Houston songs, courtesy of mentor Mary J. Blige! (Yes, you heard it: they'll be singing songs by two singers that the judges tell contestants they shouldn't try and sing. This will either be hot or, like Haley Johnsen's performance, "a little trainwrecky.")

Until next week...

AI Recap: "What the Adele?"

Dear Randy Jackson,

We know you're in the music business. We know you played with Journey, recorded with Mariah Carey, and know almost everyone is to know. But sadly we're not getting the "goosies" every time you name drop someone else from the industry. After all, J.Lo doesn't say, "When we were making Gigli, Ben Affleck told me..." and Steven, well, Steven is a whole different story. Pretty please?

My apologies for that interlude. It's time for "some of the most buzzed about people in the country" to take the stage—it's your top 12 ladies, America! Honestly, if a female is to break the sensitive-guy-with-guitar streak this year, many of them are going to have to do better than last night.

Randy recycled his jacket from Tuesday's show, and J.Lo borrowed a pair of Shannon Magrane's short-shorts and paired them with a one-sleeved top that threatened to assimilate her around the middle of the show. And Steven was wearing a jacket that was definitely a couch in its previous life.

Cannon fodder Chelsea started off the show. All the footage of Chelsea they've shown to date is that she apparently forgot her words during the group round in Hollywood. Inexplicably, she chose to sing Carrie Underwood's Cowboy Casanova, which is a fun song but not one to demonstrate your vocal prowess. Chelsea has a strong, husky voice, and did a fine job, but to go first when you've gotten no camera time, you need to blow it out of the water and sadly, everyone stayed in the water. Randy assured Chelsea that she "definitely can sing," but questioned her song choice, as "we've all seen the 'Carrie thing' already." J.Lo said the song made her sound nasally and commiserated with her that "it sucks to go first," while Steven's feedback was, "You sang good, but watch your phrasing, and watch your timing." Ryan tried to garner some sympathy votes by telling the judges that Chelsea's heart was beating so fast she couldn't get control, but everyone had already moved on.

Our "mobile DJ," Erika got a makeover before the show, as she's now sporting longer, straight blonde hair with cool reddish streaks. She sang Heart's What About Love, doing a much stronger job with the song than Melissa McGhee in Season 5, or Season 9 also-ran Janell Wheeler. I really like Erika's voice and stage presence. Steven thought there was "something magical" about Erika's confidence, as it "breathes wings into a song." (Someone's been breathing something, I'd venture to say.) Randy said she had almost an "Adele-like" vibe he'd never heard before (despite the fact that she sang an Adele song for her final performance, Dawg?), and then said, "She's a singing DJ, when have you heard of that?" J.Lo was sort of impressed but felt like Erika was holding back, and told her she needed to "push it harder."

Up next, my favorite, Jen. Apparently her family owns a frigging vineyard. How cool is that? For reasons I don't quite understand, Jen sang Adele's One and Only. While she has terrific stage presence and a great tone to her voice, I just didn't feel this song was the showcase she needed. There were a few great moments, but overall, it left me wanting more. Given some of her performances in Hollywood and Las Vegas, I just don't get why she chose this song, but she did explain that she had been through something similar to Adele a few years ago, so the song meant something to her. The judges were more appreciative than I was, although they didn't go wild. Steven told Jen that her "confidence makes your voice fly" (again with the wings) and Randy called her "one of the greatest singers in the competition" and told her she shouldn't forget she has "the swag, the runs" to rely on. I worry about her chances but hope she's a wild card pick if she doesn't make it in otherwise.

Ever the troublemaker, Ryan asked Randy, "Gender to gender, how are the girls doing compared to the guys?" Randy admitted that upon watching the show back, "the judges were a little lenient on the guys." (No way. Really? Would never have known.) He mentioned that they gave passes to some people that should have been criticized (but despite Ryan's egging him on, wouldn't name names), and said that "the girls are coming out scorching!" (More proof Randy is in a whole different universe.)

Want a reality check? Brielle has been watching the show since she was six years old. (If rest facilities have free wi-fi, I'm so there.) The pride of Staten Island sang (Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay, and for the tiniest of seconds sounded like Haley Rinehart. But then it became clear that the song was a little too low for her as she was "watching the tides roll een." She tore into the rest of the song and it was all just a little too much for me. There should be a balance between the gusto and some restraint, but judging from her mother's comments, I don't think restraint is a word used often in their household. J.Lo said that people underestimate Brielle, that while she may not have the biggest voice, she's a "true performer, a true entertainer." Steven praised her "great sense of the blues." (C'mon, now. I'd say Billie Holliday or Nina Simone had a great sense of the blues. Brielle?) Randy said she had a little Janis Joplin in her(!) and said that when he listened to her, "Man, I was like 'yo.'" That pretty much sums it up, no?

Another one who has gotten precious little camera time, Hallie came next. Her pre-performance package demonstrated a little deficit in the personality department, but her rendition of Feelin' Good was really skillful, almost a little sexy. And then as soon as the song was over, much like Ruben Studdard used to do, she slipped back into no-personality zone. J.Lo said she had "some really beautiful moments" and looked like a star, while Steven praised the "old-timey, old-fashioned" quality of her voice. Randy, despite praising her "great, amazing voice," chose that moment to demand she declare what type of artist she wanted to be. (No one else was asked that, mind you.) Does she want to be a soul singer, a torch singer? Then, inexplicably, his need to name drop reached epic ridiculousness, as he explained that "Lana Del Rey is doing her thing, interestingly." What? Lana Del Rey and Hallie Day have nothing in common except rhyming last names, Dawg. Does Hallie remind him of Haley from last year and his inexplicable need to tear her apart?

Little country spitfire Skylar chose to sing Stay with Me by Faces. I had never heard the song before, but I thought Skylar was fantastic. She really is a pint-sized Reba McEntire, although she threw some Proud Mary-era Tina Turner moves into her performance. Here is one young girl with a great voice and some serious stage presence. She really blew me away. Of course, this is one of Randy's favorite songs, and in fact, he even recorded a version of the song with "Mr. Travis Tritt." He called Skylar a "rockin', performin' country singer." J.Lo said that Skylar made the song one of her favorites, too, and that she truly embodies the whole package they're looking for. Steven said she "made Galveston proud" (where she auditioned) and that "you're a pistol, you're on fire." Skylar mentioned that her dress was really tight and she had been practicing breath control the entire week.

Pretty Baylie, clad in her pink pageant gown, perched seductively on a stool, sang Lonestar's Amazed. It was just not good. She didn't hit a right note the entire time, and her voice was really shaky. We had our first Paula moments of the season, as Steven told her, "I'm not sure it was the best song, but you're pretty." J.Lo one-upped him with, "You're not pretty, you're beautiful. But the song was shaky the whole time." Baylie explained, too, that her dress was really tight, and Ryan asked J.Lo for advice. "Get a bigger dress," J.Lo recommended. Desperate to turn the spotlight back to himself, Randy said, "You know, Ryan, when you wear your dresses?" "I stop at the heels," Ryan explained. (Well, Julianne Hough is really tall, you know?)

Finally, the show has decided it can longer pretend Hollie didn't get cut just before the top 24 last season. She's like a tiny doll-like elf, and I love her hybrid British-Texas accent. She sang Reflection by Christina Aguilera (from Mulan), a song previously tackled by Ayla Brown in Season 5, Jordin Sparks in Season 6, and Jasmine Murray in Season 8. (Yes, I remember all of this stuff. My mind is a pop culture junkyard.) I thought Hollie was fantastic—powerful when she needed to be, controlled when it was appropriate, and really strong vocally. Steven praised her passion but told her she needed to let her hair down (literally) next time. J.Lo mentioned that Hollie is one of her favorites, and she mentioned that last season, after Hollie was cut, she told her if she came back, she could win the whole thing, and she still believes that. Always feeling the need to criticize the stronger performances, Randy mentioned that in choosing a Christina Aguilera song, she had to "slay the dragon," and let go a little more. Of course, he also told her that it "wasn't all perfect." Nice.

Haley "We Barely Know You Anyway" Johnsen was next. I'll admit that when Ryan announced she'd be singing Sweet Dreams, I immediately thought of the Patsy Cline song. I couldn't imagine she'd perform The Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This), but boy, was I wrong. Eek. Seriously. She wore a dress that was all fishnets at the bottom, and flailed around the stage in a strange green light. Vocally she changed up a lot of the song and it just didn't work. J.Lo said that she hoped "America could hear all of the special things" in Haley's voice despite the fact it was the wrong song and the wrong arrangement. Steven told Haley that, "some of your turnarounds weren't perfect, but what in life is?" He also said that she performed well on stage, and that was "half of it." Strangely, Randy was the voice of reason this time, calling the performance "more of a nightmare instead of a dream," "pitchy all over the place," and "a little trainwrecky." And catch this, my friends: I. Agree. With. Randy.

Shannon traded in her short-shorts for a white pageant gown and sang Kathy Troccoli's Christian song, Go Light Your World. (And if you don't believe my pageant comment, Miss Tennessee 1997, Lanna Keck, sang this song at Miss America. You're welcome.) The song wasn't that impressive but she has a really powerful voice. Randy praised her "Lauryn Hill-like vibrato," J.Lo told her she sings with such passion for a 16-year-old and that her performance gave J.Lo her first "goosies" of the night. (There's a catchphrase that needs to die a quick death.) Steven said, "You started out low and gospelly, but then my reality check bounced, and you took it up a notch." (Sometimes I think people just look at him like an elderly grandparent, hoping for a nugget of wisdom in the midst of all of the gibberish.)

Ryan took to the stools with young Jessica to warn everyone that she had been sick during the week, suffering from swollen vocal cords, and she was worried about her performance. PSYCH OUT!! Singing Jennifer Hudson's Love You I Do with the stage presence of a performer twice her age and amazing vocals. Seriously. The judges gave her a standing ovation, calling her performance one of the best of the two nights. Steven praised her exceptional timing and flawless turnarounds, and said that "The San Diego Chargers are going to have to pay you the next time you sing the National Anthem for them." Ever the name-dropper, Randy praised her "Beyonce-like vibrato" (I wonder how that differs from Shannon's "Lauryn Hill-like vibrato"?)

Elise got the closing spot and chose to sing Adele's One and Only, because once was not enough. She started out at the piano and then moved away from it, and while there were a few rough spots, she definitely had the power and variety of tone to make her performance stand out more than Jen's, sadly. (I could have done without the horrible banquet display flowers in her hair, but now I'm just nitpicking.) The judges called her a "force to be reckoned with."

Without a mystery 13th contestant, we had extra time, so Ryan asked each of the judges who stood out tonight. Randy picked Elise, Jessica, Skyler, Erika, and Jen; J.Lo picked Jessica, Hollie, Skyler, Elise, and Jen; and Steve picked Elise, Jessica, Hollie, and Skyler.

Then, of course, the judges were asked to weigh in on the guys. All three chose Phillip, Joshua, and Deandre, while Randy also mentioned Heejun(!) and Steven included "White Chocolate" (Adam). No Creighton? You have got to be fricking kidding me. I hope America doesn't let me down on this one.

My picks for the top 5 ladies: Jessica, Hollie, Skyler, Elise, and Erika, although I'm holding out hope that Jen scores a wild card if nothing else. (I do think Shannon will make it, however, probably over Erika, but I thought Erika's overall performance was stronger.)

Tonight, a "super-sized" results show, which means 90 minutes of inane filler, a Ford music video, another baby picture from Adam Brock, and a weak group number, followed by 30 minutes of dream crushing. And by that, I mean my dreams.

Can't wait!