Remembering Elizabeth Edwards...

The world lost a courageous woman today with the death of Elizabeth Edwards, after a long battle with cancer. She (sadly) is best known for being the estranged wife of former Senator John Edwards, the one-time vice-presidential candidate who also ran for president in 2004 and 2008. The mother of Cate, Emma Claire, Jack and Wade, who died at age 16, Edwards was 61 years old.

While struggling with her own health, she was an outspoken advocate for health care reform. She often wondered aloud how other women suffering from breast cancer or other illnesses would fare if they didn't have the personal wealth she did. She also shared with the public the most intimate struggles of her bouts with cancer, writing and speaking about the pain of losing her hair, the efforts to assure her children about their mother's future and the questions that lingered about how many days she had left to live.

But it was her grace under tremendous pressure that truly showed the world what a class act she was. She initially stood by John Edwards as rumors of his infidelity and fathering a child swirled around his second presidential campaign, despite his staunch denials. And even once he admitted the affair and they separated earlier this year, she never publicly castigated John, despite what I'm sure was tremendous embarrassment and betrayal.

When on December 6 she announced that doctors had told her further treatment would no longer do any good, she still tried to remain positive for her supporters, and wrote on her Facebook page:

"The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

Truly a role model of courage and grace, even in dark times. Rest in peace.

I Want to Be Alone (Kind Of)...

W is away this week on business. Although he'll be back Friday evening, and my week tends to be filled up with work, the gym, physical therapy, etc., I'm still a little lonely. (Quinn doesn't talk much.)

The funny thing is, every so often when you live with someone and spend such a significant portion of your time with them, you find yourself just wishing for a few hours of "alone time." And then a few hours is never quite enough (at least for me), as you only begin decompressing or taking care of whatever it is you need to.

But when you're alone for a week, when you're used to living with someone and seeing them every morning and every evening, and eating dinner with them most nights, it's a little too much. Even though we speak a few times every day, it's completely different than being able to tell him something whenever I need to.

So...I'm ready for his return. I'm relaxing and enjoying myself, but the house will seem a little bit fuller (and a little more home) with him here. As Billy Joel once said, "I need you in my house 'cause you're my home..."

We miss you!!

Monday Morning Song...

I'm becoming less and less fond of Mondays as I get older. I would really be a proponent of the four-day work week, because a) I already work 40 hours in four days, and b) the first day of the weekend you cram full of everything you need to do and then you do fun things the second day and it's all over! Oh well...

Anyway, here's a song to describe my Monday feelings. This is Joe Purdy's Can't Seem to Get It Right Today, and it goes out to all of you Monday sufferers.

Happy day!

Book Review: "Memory Wall" by Anthony Doerr

Wow. This book really knocked me out. The six stories in Anthony Doerr's fantastic collection each deal with memory--what memories (and their loss) mean to us, how they move us and how conscious we are in the creation of new memories. (A character in the first story says "Remember a memory often enough and you can create a new memory, the memory of remembering.")

Each story has a wholly different premise and different main characters, and takes place in a completely difference place and time, from the lengthy opening story about a town in South Africa where doctors have developed a procedure to harvest memories from those suffering from dementia in the hopes of rebuilding some of the brain's connections, to the concluding story about a dying woman struggling with early memories of growing up in Nazi Germany. And each has its own power—some hit you between the eyes while some slowly build in your mind.

This is a tremendously well-written book that really has me thinking about my own memories. Doerr has done a fantastic job, and I can honestly say this is one of the best books I've read all year.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Act...

The Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy has been a sore point since it was approved during the Clinton Administration, especially when, during his run for president, Clinton promised equality to openly gay soldiers.

Since then, appallingly, even during times of war, highly decorated soldiers have been discharged from the military because their homosexuality was disclosed, either by themselves or as a result of blackmail or exposure by someone else. While revisiting this policy was never going to happen during George W. Bush's presidency, President Obama promised the gay community that he would work to repeal the law if he should be elected.

Despite this promise, President Obama and his administration did nothing to advance the repeal of DADT during the first two years of his presidency. And once DADT was declared unconstitutional in federal court, the Justice Department appealed the decision and requested a stay be granted before openly gay soldiers could serve in the military. The stay was granted, and President Obama and Defense Secretary Gates promised that repeal would be considered once the Pentagon did a study of how repeal would affect the military.

While the study was being conducted, Republicans such as Senators John McCain and Lindsay Graham questioned the wisdom of repealing DADT during a time of war, but promised to wait until the report was released. Earlier this week, the Pentagon announced that the military would experience no deleterious effects if openly gay soldiers were to actively serve in the military, and a majority of soldiers—much like the majority of Americans polled—have no problem. The only soldiers who object are mostly Marines serving in active combat.



Given the promises made, you would think now that the report's findings show what most of us knew all along, that it's no big deal for openly gay people to serve in the military, repeal would be imminent, right? Wrong.

Critics like John McCain are now saying the report is flawed, and despite the strong feelings of Defense Secretary Gates (a Republican appointee) and other military leaders, he and other Republicans pandering to their base know better. And besides, the Republicans in the Senate are showing off their desire for collaboration by refusing to pass any bills until the Democrats agree that very wealthy Americans deserve an extension of the Bush tax cuts, so no action would occur anyway.

How much longer must the good of the nation be sacrificed for the opinions of the few?

Why is it okay for the rights of some to be decided by people with no appreciable desire to see another point of view, or to provide equal rights for all citizens?

In a time of war, don't we want the best soldiers serving our country? Why does it matter who they love? Don't hand me the old, tired "gays-as-sexual-predators" argument that is only used by self-loathing hypocrites shortly before they're exposed.

Enough is enough. At one point, Senator McCain was an American hero. He showed tremendous bravery in the face of tremendous adversity.

Senator McCain, it is time for you to be brave again. Embrace something you might not understand, but embrace it because it is right; otherwise the freedom you fought for truly means nothing, because it is only freedom for some, not freedom for all.

Today is World AIDS Day...

Today is World AIDS Day. I came of age after the AIDS crisis had become a part of our society, so I was fortunate to have the need for safe sex fairly ingrained in my mind. I also feel lucky that, although I know a few people who are living with AIDS, I have not lost anyone to the disease.

Advances in medicine have allowed individuals who have HIV or AIDS to live much longer than they would have 20 or even 10 years ago. However, this tends to create a feeling of invincibility among young people, who think that even if they contract HIV, it is something they can control. Since the beginning of the epidemic, an estimated 40,059 young people in the US have received this diagnosis, and over 10,000have died.

Progress in other countries hasn't been as positive. While the United Nations says new HIV infections have declined by almost 20 percent worldwide over the past decade, the estimated number of children living with HIV or AIDS in 11 Asian countries (Bangladesh, Bhutan, North Korea, India, Indonesia, Maldives, Myanmar, Nepal, Sri Lanka, Thailand and Timor-Liste) has increased by 46 percent between 2001 and 2009.

Be safe. Take care of yourself. While AIDS may not be the death sentence it once was, it still is a fatal disease.

Get tested.

Before you want to engage in potentially unsafe behavior, make sure you and your partner get tested.

Say a prayer for those who have lost their lives.

Stay safe. It's the best way to stay alive.

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah! (Or Happy Chanukah, for the traditionalists among us!) I joked earlier today that many Jewish holidays are built around one premise: "they tried to kill us, we overcame, let's eat!"

Seriously, though, the story of Hanukkah is pretty miraculous. Following the brutal destruction of the ancient temple, the Jews wanted to burn the synagogue's menorah for eight days to purify it, but there only was enough oil to last one day. Miraculously, the menorah stayed lit for eight days. (There's a lot more to it, but that explains the whole eight-day part.)

Growing up Jewish around the holidays was always a little strange. My earliest realization of not celebrating Christmas was when I was four years old and we moved into a new house that didn't have a fireplace. I remember asking my mother how Santa would visit us, and she explained that we were Jewish and Jews didn't celebrate Christmas. Talk about a shock...

There is so much amazing Christmas music, but most of the Hanukkah music tended to sound alike when I was in high school chamber choir. And while Hanukkah offers a great deal of festive options, there isn't anything to quite rival the pomp of Christmas. (It sure would be nice to see a big menorah lighting on TV, much like they do when the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree is lit!)

Having a December birthday was an interesting proposition as well. Given the vagaries of the Jewish calendar, sometimes Hanukkah fell during my birthday, sometimes it was just before or just after. It was exciting to have both events so close together until people started with the "I'll give you one combined gift instead of separate gifts for your birthday and Hanukkah" thing. (As you may or may not be aware, I'm pretty fanatical about my birthday.)

All of that being said, Hanukkah is a lot of fun. Spin the dreidel, eat some potato latkes and, in the words of Adam Sandler, put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah!