Book Review: "The Rosie Project" by Graeme Simsion

This was such a sweet book. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way—this book kept me smiling and, clichéd as it may sound, warmed my heart.

Don Tillman is a genetics professor in Australia with social and behavioral tendencies that fans of The Big Bang Theory would find immensely familiar to those of Sheldon Cooper. Bullied as a child, he made the decision to live life as the class clown, so his (often unconscious) way of acting and reacting makes people laugh rather than question why he acts the way he acts. And while he enjoys his perfectly regimented life, with its Standardized Meal System (he eats the same thing on the same days each week) and its down-to-the-minute scheduling of exercise, sleep, shopping, and work, there is one problem. Despite having close friends Gene and Claudia nearby, Don is lonely.

"I am thirty-nine years old, tall, fit, and intelligent, with a relatively high status and above-average income as an associate professor. Logically, I should be attractive to a wide range of women. In the animal kingdom, I would succeed in reproducing. However, there is something about me that women find unappealing. I have never found it easy to make friends, and it seems that the deficiencies that caused this problem have also affected my attempts at romantic relationships."

Don has tried dating women, and many of those attempts have been, well, less than successful, leading to anecdotes he refers to as "The Apricot Ice Cream Disaster," for one. So he does what any other genetics professor would do—launches The Wife Project, complete with a 16-page, scientifically valid survey to filter out the drinkers, the smokers, the late arrivers, and those who might cause a reprise of The Apricot Ice Cream Disaster.

When Don meets Rosie Jarman, a beautiful bartender who smokes and arrives late, he knows immediately that she's not suitable for The Wife Project. But he's keen on helping her identify who her biological father is, since he has access to his university's lab to run DNA tests, and he has no shortage of plausible (and not so plausible) ways to retrieve DNA from potential candidates. And suddenly, Don realizes how much he enjoys spending time with Rosie, despite the fact he has no interest in her as a partner, and that she keeps causing him to veer away from his perfectly scheduled routine.

Even though The Rosie Project is fairly predictable, Don and Rosie's characters are so charming, so enjoyable, you want to keep reading their story. And while some of Don's behaviors may seem outlandish, again, if you've ever watched Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory, you'll realize they're not quite as outlandish as you think. This book made me chuckle, laugh at times, and just kept me smiling throughout. Apparently the book has already been adapted into a movie in Australia, and it definitely seems screen-worthy.

Love cannot be controlled, and it is rarely, if ever, predictable. And neither are people. The Rosie Project is a tremendously enjoyable book that makes those facts immensely compelling.

Book Review: "Tampa" by Alissa Nutting

Amazingly, as I sit down to write this book review, I can't stop thinking of a question that was addressed on, of all places, The 700 Club recently. And while Pat Robertson gave another vile, intolerant, hate-filled answer, the question was an interesting one, which I'll paraphrase to fit my needs. By saying I thought this book was tremendously well-written, that I even enjoyed it, am I, in essence, condoning the subject matter?

An interesting conundrum.

Celeste Price is a beautiful eighth-grade teacher at a junior high school in Tampa, Florida. She has a rich husband, Ford, who is devoted to her, and indulges her every whim.

The thing is, Celeste doesn't teach because she loves to inspire students or because she loves sharing knowledge. She has an obsession with 14-year-old boys. An unquenchable obsession that proximity to these students helps feed. As she put it, "In my view, having sex with teenagers was the only way to keep the act wholesome."

Celeste has a list of criteria to find the perfect student. And she settles on Jack Patrick, a quiet young man all too happy to indulge her voracious appetite as well as her demands about their relationship—that it be kept a total secret, that it only happens on her terms, and that it is purely sexual, not emotional. Yet of course, Jack can't help but fall in love with his teacher. And that's not the least of the complications that ensue.

This book is tremendously graphic, which made me a little uncomfortable, as did the subject matter. But Alissa Nutting so effectively created Celeste as an unabashed sexual predator, someone so fixated on fulfilling her own needs that not only doesn't she care about others, they don't even register except when they're doing what she wants them to. Nutting—and Celeste—make no apologies for how she is, this is just an aspect of her personality she knows she can't fight, but she methodically knows how to satiate herself.

I definitely admire Nutting's storytelling ability and her effectiveness in creating these characters. After so many books with male sexual predators as characters, it's nice to see the table turned and look at this issue from a female perspective. Is this a book you tell people about? Regardless of your decision there, I know that Tampa is a book that will stick in my mind for its narrative skill, not its subject matter.

All in the bonds of sisterhood?

Don't know if you saw this when it hit the media two weeks ago or so, but this was far too good not to share.

So apparently a board member of the Delta Gamma sorority at the University of Maryland had just about had it with her lame sorority sisters, especially the level of enthusiasm (or lack thereof) shown in their participation in Greek Week activities, particularly those involving their "matchup" fraternity, Sigma Nu.

This board member got so frustrated that she dashed off one of the craziest, profanity-laden emails to her sorority sisters I've ever seen. And of course, one of her sisters decided to share the email with the media, so the world could enjoy this heaping dash of cray-cray. The author of the email has since resigned, but you've just got to see this, unless you're easily offended by vulgar language:

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

How about that? Talk about the basis for lifelong friendship, huh?

But even better than this letter is the dramatic reading of it by Academy Award-nominated actor Michael Shannon, who will be playing General Zod in the upcoming Superman reboot, Man of Steel. This man's performance is legendary. But watch where you watch it, because you'll need the volume up to hear his performance appropriately.



I guess this is what I missed working full-time while going to college, huh?

It's tough when they all look alike...

From kenneth in the (212):

As we've seen far too often, our 24-hour news cycle leads to unfortunate errors. Check out the photo that accompanies the story below.

I guess it's hard to tell Joan Collins and NBA player Jason Collins apart, huh?

It's almost as egregious as the closed captioning service used by local Fox affiliate KDFW a few weeks ago. During the manhunt for Boston bombing suspect Dzhokar Tsarnaev, the service captioned the suspect as "19-year-old Zooey Deschanel."

"Whoa! Epic closed captioning FAIL!" Deschanel tweeted when she saw the screenshot. The blunder was the fault of Caption Solution, a Kansas-based company that provides real-time closed captioning services to local TV stations. The company's president, Kala Patterson, issued an apology, as the Associated Press reported on Wednesday. Gawker says it was the work of a "rogue employee."

Anyone who thinks proofreading and fact-checking are dying skills, I believe a change is gonna come.

You think YOU'RE having a bad day at work??

The first day at a new job is always stressful. You don't know what you should be doing, you feel a little out of sorts, and no matter how excited you are about your new opportunity, it takes a while for you to get completely acclimated.

Well, let's hope you never have a first day on the job like A.J. Clemente did. He was all set to make his debut as one of the weekend anchors of the NBC affiliate in North Dakota, when something caused him to utter a few newsworthy, but inappropriate words. (Listen carefully to the start of the broadcast.) Clearly, his co-anchor heard it, as did everyone else.

Initially, the network suspended Clemente for the incident, but sadly, he's since been fired. It just goes to show you how important it is to keep your cool at all times. (And hopefully A.J. will land on his feet, and remember to treat every microphone like a live microphone!)

And KitchenAid says "D'oh!"...

Like almost anything involving a computer, you really have to be careful to check what you're doing—and to whom you're sending it—before you hit send. (How many of us have hit "Reply to All" on email that should have just been a reply to one person, or worse, hit "Reply" to an email you meant to forward to someone else, snide comments included? Just me?)

Last night, appliance giant KitchenAid learned this lesson the hard way. During the presidential debate, the following tweet appeared:

(President Obama's grandmother died the night before Election Day 2008.)

As you might imagine, the company hastily deleted the tweet, but the damage was done. Many quickly retweeted the comment, while others replied with scathing remarks.

KitchenAid, owned by Whirlpool Corp., immediately went into spin control by offering apologies on Twitter and other social networks. From its Facebook page:

"Hello, everyone. My name is Cynthia Soledad, and I am the head of the KitchenAid brand. I would like to personally apologize to President Barack Obama, his family and everyone on Twitter for the offensive tweet sent earlier. It was carelessly sent in error by a member of our Twitter team who, needless to say, won't be tweeting for us anymore. That said, I take full responsibility for my team. Thank you for hearing me out."

Some accepted the response, while others said the company had lost their loyalty. I think that's pretty excessive, because I don't believe this was the position of the company (and even if it was, I don't imagine they'd express it so inarticulately).

Sometimes social media is a little too social...

Today on the "Today" D'oh...

I saw this on Entertainment Weekly:

Reports started surfacing all over the interwebs yesterday that the Today show was working to relieve Ann Curry of her co-hosting duties, a role she assumed a year ago upon Meredith Vieira's departure. Despite the fact that the show's newsworthy content has diminished significantly in favor of fluff, celebrities pushing their latest projects, and entirely too much Al Roker, Curry is being blamed for the show's declining ratings. (While the show is still the number one morning program, Good Morning America beat it in the ratings race a few times earlier this year, and continues to gain ground.)

With Matt Lauer signing a new long-term contract, Curry, whom many think lacks warmth, is on her way out. The New York Times reports that talks to replace Curry have been occurring in secret for weeks, while producers find a new assignment for her. She has held several positions on Today for 14 years, most notably as its longtime news anchor.

But regardless of what is transpiring behind the scenes (although in quite a public fashion), I don't imagine producers intended to be this direct, as the caption under Curry's face read, "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow." (The phrase was in reference to Steve Carell's new movie, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, but I don't think anyone realized it.)



It will be interesting to see if anyone on the production team joins Curry on the way out after that gaffe...