“Agreeing to be someone’s wife should be done only if you can’t help yourself, I thought, but of course no one can help herself.”
When Jane meets John, she is an aspiring writer and he is a filmmaker. Jane loves the fact that they’re both artists, that they’re both committed to their craft, and want to achieve success. She definitely is in love with John, but she isn’t entirely sure if she should marry him—there are signs that he is irresponsible with money, not good at following through on his commitments, and is fairly lazy.
But eventually they do marry, and Jane quickly sees that John prioritizes his career and his happiness over hers. There are wonderful moments, however, so she believes that successful marriage is about compromise and occasional sacrifice. She loves John and is tremendously attracted to him.
Eventually, Jane gets pregnant and gives birth to a son. For the most part, John abdicates almost all responsibility for taking care of the baby, and has very little sympathy that Jane is exhausted and unable to write. And at the same time, John’s constant trouble keeping jobs results in their moving back and forth across the country, leaving Jane to do all the work and find child care.
Little by little, John’s constant gaslighting, neglect, and refusal to help Jane leaves her continually angry and at times makes her physically sick. She’d like to leave but doesn’t want to jeopardize her relationship with her son. And then one day, John tells her he wants a divorce, and she learns the extent of his deceit and manipulation.
This was a heavy read, frank and graphic, and written in a stream-of-consciousness style. I wanted to shake Jane to make her see what a monster John was, and at times, this is an emotional journey for Jane. But it’s a very powerful look at a woman’s struggle to survive a bad marriage and motherhood.
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