Shalom, 13...

So I watched the video of my Bar Mitzvah last night for the first time in more than 25 years. Wow.

My Bar Mitzvah was 30 years ago this year, January 8, 1983. The theme was Pac-Man. I even had a robot that talked (controlled by a guy who hid in the coatroom or something, but it was high-tech for 1983).

Watching the video I was struck by a number of things.

It gave me a combination of warmth and sadness to see so many relatives and family friends who have passed away since then. My grandfather, George, was very ill with cancer at my Bar Mitzvah, but to watch the video you would never know it. He channeled every bit of energy and happiness and pride and love into his body that night, and it showed, so it's amazing to think he died a little more than a month later. My grandmother, Gloria, suffered so much from osteoporosis later in life, that it's wonderful to see her actually standing upright.

Seeing people I've lost that meant so much to me in my life at a time when they were so full of life was simultaneously wonderful, surreal, and depressing.

Thanks to the amazing power of social media, I keep in frequent contact with, or have connected with nearly all of the friends who attended my Bar Mitzvah. The only ones I've not been able to get back in touch with are those not on Facebook or those who remain impervious to Facebook and Google stalking. (Shameful, I tell you.) But seriously, that's pretty great.

Although I had a lot of hair back then (it was the 1980s and I was from Jersey, after all), and bigger, darker glasses, it's unsettling to see how many of 13-year-old Larry's mannerisms I recognize. (My favorite comment from W when watching this was, "Wow, you rolled your eyes even then!")

Since then, I've grown a bit taller (although not much, sadly), my voice got deeper (thankfully), and I worked hard to lose my Jersey accent, but the Larry of 1983 isn't vastly different than the Larry of today. More sarcastic, sure, more confident in myself (most of the time), and certainly a bit wiser and more cynical (it is what it is), but still fairly similar. And I don't know that I mind.

I am so thankful to have these memories so accessible, and so grateful to have had so many special people touch my life, and continue to do so. Makes a Bar Mitzvah boy proud.

The ride of a lifetime?

A Target opened about a mile from our house last fall. It's located on the top floor of a four-story building, so it has one of those cool conveyor belt escalators you can put your cart on as you ride the regular escalator.

While it seems pretty self-explanatory in terms of what you should and shouldn't do, one has to wonder if the sign was put up in response to parents letting their children ride the conveyor belt, or if it's just protection from liability. And I love the misplaced modifier "from the bottom of the cart"—or are there really parents who let their children ride in the bottom of the cart?

In that case, here's your sign...

Photobombed ever after...

How's this for a photo for the ages?

Chris Jiminez proposed to his girlfriend of three years, Cristina Silva, last week at Disneyland, after they completed the Never Land Family Fun Run 5K. As you can see, Silva was understandably moved by the proposal. (She said yes, by the way.)

But Silva's reaction paled in comparison to the one of a bystander, probably a fellow run participant, who found herself caught in the middle of their moment. She has yet to be identified, but given that the photo has gone viral, it shouldn't be long now.

For what it's worth, Jiminez and Silva are so enamored with the photo—shock and awe and all—that they're thinking of using it for a Save the Date.

See the full story here.

Do they just not make 'em like they used to?

One of my favorite blogs, kenneth in the (212), posts a regular feature called "Song of the Day." The blog's author, Kenneth Walsh, is a huge music fan, and his tastes are somewhat eclectic (Blondie to Bananarama, Roseanne Cash to Roxy Music), but he generally likes music from the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s more than today's music.

Yesterday's song of the day was River Deep, Mountain High by Ike and Tina Turner. There's no denying it's a pretty great song.

That got me thinking. Are older songs better than ones being released now?

I'm a huge music fan and I listen to a wide range of music. There are a lot of great up and coming bands and singers out there that I listen to quite a bit. (BTW, new bands I'm loving include Youngblood Hawke, The Neighbourhood, Django Django, and First Aid Kit.)

But will we be talking in 10, 20, 30 years about songs we're listening to now?

Or are we just more nostalgic about the songs that we remember from key moments of our life, songs we grew up with, or songs for which we know the lyrics by heart and have sung them over and over and over again? (I refuse it's just because I'm getting older.)

What do you think? Were the songs better "back then" or is it just the comfort and randomness of memory?

How much destruction should one city take?

As the 9/11 terrorist attacks unfolded, particularly on the World Trade Center, the world watched in horror. Although the city (and our country) has proven its ultimate resilience, the indelible images of that day are seared in our collective consciousness.

Given those inexplicable horrors, I don't understand why so many action movies still use New York as the nexus of a climatic battle or event, and why filmmakers think it is appropriate to destroy the city on screen time and time again. I realize what New York City represents to the world, and perhaps it is the city's very resilience that makes it an appealing target, but I'm finding these scenes more and more disturbing the further from 9/11 we move.

Take The Avengers, for example. (Some spoilers ahead, so skip this if you haven't seen the movie.) When the alien race commanded by Loki finally breaks through to Earth, they do so in New York. I know I wasn't alone in finding the scenes of alien creatures and crafts flying dangerously close to windows and alongside buildings eerily and painfully reminiscent of that horrible day in December. And as buildings were destroyed, and the police mobilized, I thought the reactions of the characters on film who witnessed this were really disturbing. While The Avengers saved the day and took back the city and our world, the attack did leave some significant destruction in its wake.

Couldn't this destruction have happened in another city, perhaps one not still shell-shocked by real and similar events?

Gotham City becomes the target of Bane and his merry band of evil villains in The Dark Knight Rises as well. Of course, the terror of this movie is all but amplified by the real-life horrible events that took place opening night in Aurora, Colorado, but I still found the violence, the attacks on police, and the destruction of bridges and other landmarks in the city tremendously disturbing.

Maybe I'm not the only one who feels uneasy at the city's falling prey to aliens and villains and Mother Nature again and again and again. Or maybe someone needs to remind me it's all just a movie...

I just don't need to see this...

I've seen a lot of really memorable television commercials through the years. Some are uproariously funny, some make me cry (and I'm not ashamed to admit it), and some actually make me think.

Then there are the absurd commercials, the ones I cannot believe an advertising agency was paid to create, much less put on television. Take Charmin, for example. I don't know about you, but while I certainly understand that bears go to the bathroom, I don't need that visual in my head when I reach for toilet paper.

And I can say without hesitation, I don't need this visual:



But as disturbing as the Charmin-loving bears are, I am even more disturbed by this latest advertisement for the "Cottonelle Care Routine," namely toilet paper plus personal wipes.

Who thought this would make a good advertisement? I may have a lot of weird things rolling around in my brain, but I can assure you that assigning a name to toilet paper and personal wipes isn't one of them. And do you really want to know what other people name their routine?


Bring back Mr. Whipple, please. What commercials annoy you or make you uncomfortable?

Willy Wonka fans, time to tap into your life savings...

Those of you who know me well are aware that my favorite movie of all time is Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The original, with Gene Wilder—not the unnecessary remake with Johnny Depp. I remember watching the movie numerous times as a young child, but while attending summer camp in 1981, I contracted the chicken pox, so I spent almost seven days in the camp infirmary. In the early days of VCRs (remember those?), the infirmary only had a few videotapes for us to watch—Grease, Meatballs, The Sound of Music and, blissfully, Willy Wonka. During those seven days I must have watched that movie 50-60 times—my fellow infirmary residents and I even acted out many of the musical numbers.

I still watch the movie from time to time and know it by heart; my senior quote was a line from the movie, "We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams." I have the soundtrack on my iPod. And I'll admit that one of my greatest moments was meeting Diana Sowle, the actress who played Charlie's mother, while I was working at Suncoast Motion Picture Company in Washington, D.C.-area shopping mall in 1991. (We were, in fact, showing the movie at that moment, and she walked in the store and nonchalantly said, "That's me." I nearly died.)

So when my friend and colleague (and fellow Willy Wonka fan) Sean shared this announcement with me, about an upcoming auction of memorabilia from the movie, I thought, "Wouldn't it be nice to have unlimited disposable income to pick some of this stuff up?"

A number of items are up for auction, but here are two of the most notable:

First, the iconic costume worn by Gene Wilder during the movie. The costume consists of a flamboyant purple velvet frock coat, wool & camelhair slacks, off-white shirt, distinctive purple and violet lamé vest with floral design, and a satin bow tie. They're expecting this to garner between $80,000 and $120,000! (What a hit I'd be in my office with this outfit!)

The second item is one of only two existing, screen-used Everlasting Gobstoppers. This one was owned by Julie Dawn Cole, who played the insufferably spoiled Veruca Salt. ("Daddy, I want an Everlasting Gobstopper now! I want an Everlasting Gobstopper right away!") It is expected to be sold for $20,000-$30,000. (You can also own the Golden Egg, screen used by Julie Dawn Cole during the "I Want it Now" musical number, also expected to fetch between $20,000 and $30,000.)

Sure, it's not realistic to desire this memorabilia, but I figure if Michael Jackson could have owned The Elephant Man's bones, why not own an Everlasting Gobstopper?

Oompa loompa doompa de doo, I got another puzzle for you...

A t-shirt worthy of death threats?

I know that sports fans take victory pretty seriously, and often don't handle defeat well, not to mention when people needle their teams. But sometimes people take things a little too far.

Case in point: this t-shirt, which was being sold by a company called Warpaint Clothing.

But first, a little history lesson for those of you unfamiliar with the NBA. Before the 2008-2009 NBA season, the Seattle SuperSonics moved to Oklahoma City and became the Oklahoma City Thunder. (This happened only after the new Oklahoma City-based owners failed to find public funding to construct a new arena in the Seattle area.) The SuperSonics played rather poorly in recent years, although in earlier days the franchise won the NBA championship in 1979. And now, as the Thunder, the team is headed to the Western Finals, where if they beat the San Antonio Spurs, they'll be in contention for the championship once again.

Oklahoma City isn't known as a sports city, so you can understand the excitement about the Thunder's amazing run this season. So given the smack sports fans like to spread, wouldn't you expect a snarky t-shirt like this to be sold? (Everything gets sold on the internet. Remember, this is the same country in which a company sold Trayvon Martin targets.)

But the wounds are still fresh for Seattle fans, apparently, which isn't too surprising, considering that Baltimore football fans are still bitter about the Colts leaving for Indianapolis, even though the Ravens have been pretty successful through the years.

While the bitterness may be understandable, the reaction from Seattle fans is not: Warpaint Clothing personnel reported they were receiving death threats because of the shirt.

Say it with me now: death threats. Over a t-shirt. Needless to say, Warpaint announced it would no longer sell the t-shirt because of the response they had received.

Did I miss something? Have we experienced some sort of Freaky Friday-like switch with Iran or Iraq all of a sudden, so now people feel that producing a t-shirt is worthy of death? What's next, stoning adulterers or cutting off the hands of thieves? Does the anonymity of the internet incubate this type of behavior, or has the rage level in our country ratcheted up to such a level that even t-shirts mocking the loss of a basketball franchise provokes this kind of anger?

Whatever the cause, this is becoming a dangerous problem. While you wouldn't expect a person sitting behind their computer threatening people who do things they don't like with death would actually do something, who knows what could trigger actual violence?

All I know is, I'd love to see the Miami Heat walk away without a championship for another year, and if Duke's men's basketball team never made it past the first or second round of the NCAA Tournament, that would be fine with me. (And don't get me started about Roger Federer and Tiger Woods.) But that being said, I don't plan to threaten Coach K or King James with death...voodoo dolls are more than satisfactory. (Note to the authorities monitoring this blog: that's a joke.)

Your Children are Adorable...When They Behave!

I've made no secret about the fact that, quite often, people drive me crazy. It doesn't matter if it's people's selfishness while standing in line or driving, or their thinking it's adorable when they let their child "pay" at the store or steer the grocery cart. But what frustrates me more than anything is when parents allow their child to run rampant, screaming at them and others, not behaving or understanding boundaries of any kind.

That being said, I absolutely loved LZ Granderson's article on CNN's web site, Permissive parents: curb your brats. It was almost like Granderson has been sitting in my head all of these years! I mean, how can you not love an article that starts:

"If you're the kind of parent who allows your 5-year-old to run rampant in public places like restaurants, I have what could be some rather disturbing news for you.

"I do not love your child.

"The rest of the country does not love your child either.

"And the reason why we're staring at you every other bite is not because we're acknowledging some sort of mutual understanding that kids will be kids but rather we want to kill you for letting your brat ruin our dinner."

Yes, I understand that parenting is difficult, and you cannot have control over whether your child acts up in a public place, or is tired, hungry or needs their diaper changed. What you can do, however, is not bring your child into situations where their unruly behavior can be disruptive to others—like a restaurant, a movie (especially an R-rated movie your small child shouldn't be sitting in anyway) or sporting event. If you can't find a babysitter, don't turn a public place into your child's playroom.

Of course, as I joked with friends earlier, if people were to change their behavior in this regard, half of my Facebook status updates would no longer be valid.

Seriously, it may take a village to raise a child, but the whole village doesn't have to watch your child misbehave.

A Bit of Radio Silence...

Yeah, I've been a bit neglectful of the blog lately. It hasn't been for lack of trying, nor lack of material. As usual, I have had a ton to say and have thought over and over about how I'd like to share it, but between starting a new job, attending the US Open golf tournament last week and attending the Miss Virginia Pageant in Roanoke this weekend, any time I've sat down to write I've fallen asleep.

Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. I promise to be much more diligent moving forward, because I want you to come back!! :)

The Weiner Takes it All...

The media has been abuzz since last weekend, when allegations first surfaced that Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) supposedly tweeted a picture of his, well, weiner (albeit, umm, packaged in boxer briefs) to a college student. Conservative columnists and politicians, many of whom dislike Weiner a great deal, are salivating at the possibility that this scandal could force his resignation.

For someone as smart and supposedly media-savvy as Weiner, his responses to this issue have been scattershot and fairly ineffective. In addition to having a little fun at his own expense, Weiner has claimed that his Twitter account was hacked and then said he was a victim of a prank, there have been questions about whether he called the police (since tampering with online accounts, especially those belonging to members of Congress, is a crime), and, strangest of all, Weiner "cannot say with any certitude" whether the picture is of him or not!

While some in the political arena and the media have already found Weiner guilty, I am on the fence. On the one hand, Weiner's handling of the issue certainly leaves his innocence in question, but I can't help but wonder if he'd really be foolish enough to think that evading the questions will make them go away. How many politicians have fallen prey to scandals of some sort? Does Weiner think he's smarter than everyone and can fool the media and those already calling for his, well, head? (Sorry. As Jon Stewart says in the clip below, there are very few ways to deal with this issue without acting juvenile.)

It will be interesting to see how everything ends up in this case. Even Jon Stewart, who is a friend of Weiner's, doesn't quite know what to believe.

The Daily Show
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Will Ronald Go the Way of the Hamburglar and Mayor McCheese??

After nearly 50 years as the innocent, fun symbol of McDonald's restaurants, Ronald McDonald's job is in danger.

The nonprofit advocacy group Corporate Accountability International, which has previously targeted soft drink manufacturers Coca-Cola and Pepsi for the environmental impact of their bottles, has organized more than 550 health professionals and organizations in a campaign to ask McDonald's to stop marketing junk food to kids and retire Ronald McDonald.

The campaign, which took the form of full-page advertisements in six major newspapers across the US last week, acknowledges that "the contributors to today's (health) epidemic are manifold and a broad societal response is required. But marketing can no longer be ignored as a significant part of this massive problem." Groups such as the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and the Chicago Hispanic Health Coalition, as well as well-known nutritionists and doctors like Andrew Weil, a doctor and director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine, signed onto the effort.

Is there an obesity crisis in our country, especially among children? Absolutely. But this is less the fault of Ronald McDonald than it is the difficulty in getting children to engage in consistent physical activity instead of playing video games and watching television. And it can be attributed more to the ease by which stretched-to-the-limit parents can buy their kids fast food meals rather than cook dinner after a long day of working or child-rearing.

Ronald McDonald certainly proves an enticement to children, inciting them to ask their parents to take them for fast food. But at the end of the day, the decision to feed children fast food lies in the hands of their parents, and whether or not there is a friendly-looking mascot has no bearing on the final decision.

It is far cheaper to feed children (or adults, that matter) fast food than to buy fruits, vegetables and meats. As that trend continues, parents have few options.

I wish we as a society would be more willing to accept responsibility for things instead of looking for others to blame. It isn't the coffee shop's fault if you burn yourself drinking your coffee, it isn't the donut shop's fault if you gain weight after eating one donut every day, and it isn't the mall owner's fault if you fall into a fountain because you're not paying attention to where you are walking.

I hope McDonald's and other fast food restaurants will continue taking steps to make their food healthier, as that will assist parents who feel trapped into feeding their children fast food. I also hope that children and parents get better educated about what causes weight gain, and how to reverse that trend, and that doesn't include getting rid of advertising symbols.

But I do wish Burger King would ditch the creepy king figure...

I'm a Travelin' Man...

When I switched jobs about a year ago, one of the things that appealed to me most was that I would be significantly reducing the amount of business travel I had to do. At my previous job, between conferences, board meetings, site visits for future conferences and other events, it seemed like I traveled at least once or twice a month, sometimes making two trips nearly back to back.

Yesterday, however, when I found myself arriving at my fifth airport in two days, I felt like I was stuck in a bit of a time warp. And while the first part of my travel was to celebrate my niece's graduation from college, on Saturday I flew from Orlando to Washington, DC, and then yesterday I flew from Washington to Las Vegas, through Long Beach, CA.

While there are some advantages to traveling—particularly, for me, the opportunity to read while in the air and waiting to board—travel is becoming less and less appealing as a result of stricter security measures and the increasingly selfish behavior of my fellow travelers. Believe me, I understand the need for heightened security in airports and on planes, especially following Osama bin Laden's recent death, but I believe very few (if any) airports are adequately staffed or prepared to handle the volume of travelers who need to be screened, particularly those who see no reason to pay attention to any of the regulations or procedures they need to follow.

Emptying everything out of your pockets doesn't mean you should leave your wallet or your phone in there until asked. Taking your laptop out of your bag and putting it into a separate bin means, well, just that. And the regulation about no liquids, gels or aerosols over 3 ounces has been around for years now, but yet it constantly seems to surprise people. Which, of course, just delays the screening process for people like me, who can take off my belt and shoes, put my laptop in a bin and get everything on the belt in the blink of an eye.

And don't get me started about the way people behave on planes these days. I realize airlines no longer provide free meals unless you're traveling first or business class, so it makes sense to bring your own food on the plane. But could you stop and think that maybe something with extra onions, or some type of fish, might not be the most appealing scent for your fellow passengers to inhale for a few hours? And when the flight crew announces that the fasten seatbelt sign is on, that actually applies to everyone on the plane. It doesn't mean you can wander down the aisle to get something out of your oversized carry-on bag.

Some airlines now offer free wireless internet service on flights, which has led to some predicting that cell phone calls might eventually be allowed during flights. That might be my cue to stop traveling, because if people scream into their cell phones while they're in their cars or in restaurants, can you imagine how loudly they'll talk at 36,000 feet?

Yes, I know I'm impatient and fairly intolerant. But if travel is becoming more expensive and more of a hassle, shouldn't it be somewhat enjoyable? Of course, it's important to note that I also traded one crazy playground (Orlando) for another (Las Vegas). So, to quote Jimmy Buffett, it could be my fault.

Not All Are Tickled Pink by J.Crew...

When I was growing up, gender roles and behaviors were pretty clearly delineated for children. I played with die-cast cars and toy soldiers, traded baseball cards and was expected to play (or attempt to play) sports. It was just what was expected for boys in the early 1970s.

Of course, those behaviors and interests didn't quite fit with what I enjoyed. The thought of having to be the last kid picked for kickball or another sport, or massacred in dodgeball was utterly unappealing. I would have much rather (and did) hung out on the playground, mastering chinese jumprope or one of the variations of hopscotch called Colors.

While the gender expectations for children have remained somewhat the same over the years, many parents who grew up in the '60s, '70s and even the '80s have allowed their children to be the individuals they want to be. But there is still no shortage of "traditionalist" parents who believe boys play sports and girls play with dolls, and there is no blurring of those lines.


J. Crew waded straight into this battleground with their recent advertisement, which featured company president and creative director Jenna Lyons painting the toenails of her son Beckett. The caption says, "Lucky for me I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink. Toenail painting is way more fun in neon."

Social conservatives were nearly apoplectic. Fox News' Dr. Keith Ablow published an opinion piece, saying that the ad could cause gender identity problems, while the conservative Media Research Center's Erin Brown called the ad "blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children."

"Not only is Beckett likely to change his favorite color as early as tomorrow, Jenna's indulgence (or encouragement) could make life hard for the boy in the future," Brown wrote. J. Crew, known for its tasteful and modest clothing, apparently does not mind exploiting Beckett behind the facade of liberal, transgendered identity politics."

While some may question whether J. Crew ran the ad because it anticipated this type of controversy and welcomed the shot of publicity it would give the company, the debate it has generated is utterly ridiculous. Most research on gender identity and sexual orientation concludes that neither is a choice. Nor can they be shaped by a parent's wishes, said Dr. Jack Drescher, a New York City psychiatrist.

"I can say with 100 percent certainty that a mother painting her children's toe nails pink does not cause transgenderism or homosexuality or anything else that people who are social conservatives would worry about," he said.

And if Beckett turns out to be gay or transgendered later in life, who cares?

Jon Stewart should have the last word. He eviscerated media reaction to this ad with a segment he called "Toemageddon: This Little Piggy Went to Hell." At one point he says, "Taking your child to a face painting booth doesn't make them cats. Or cat lovers. Or Rum-Tum-Tugger."

Let children be children. And let Jon Stewart be Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Whether 'Tis Nobler to Pursue a Dream or Accept Reality...

I have long dreamt of becoming famous. Throughout my life, I have imagined writing the Great American Novel (or even a Good one), hosting a cooking show, even somehow magically being discovered in a community theater production and getting a career on Broadway (despite the fact that I don't participate in community theater).

But since I was young, I've most imagined having a singing career. I've been singing pretty much nonstop since I was eight years old, after I landed a part in my elementary school production of HMS Pinafore. (I was the Monarch of the Sea.) My dreams of singing usually involved using a hairbrush or pencil as a microphone, singing my heart out in my bedroom (it was in the back of our house), blasting pop music, show tunes, classic rock or whatever I knew the words to. (My siblings particularly enjoyed bursting open the bedroom door when I was in mid-song to scare the crap out of me.)

I sang in school and summer camp talent shows, high school and camp musicals, Chamber Choir and All-Shore Choir. At that time, I was too young to audition for the original Star Search, and there weren't really other options out there. And while people complimented my voice (those who weren't making fun of me for being into theater and music instead of sports), no one ever encouraged me to pursue a career in music.

But while I put the actual pursuit of a musical career away, I never put away my dreams. However, I never found an outlet other than singing in the car (which I do pretty much constantly) or periodic bouts of karaoke. I tried out for one community theater production years ago but the old lack of dancing ability foiled that. Then it suddenly seemed I was too old for things—too old to audition for the touring company of Rent, too old to audition for the revamp of Star Search with Arsenio Hall, and of course, too old to audition for American Idol. Plus, I'm fortunate enough not to have any real "sob story," which seems to be the hook on many of these reality shows.

Now, Simon Cowell is bringing his hit show X-Factor to America. There is no upper age limit for singers, so this may very well be the only opportunity I have to pursue a childhood dream. Yet at the same time, I can't help but wonder if I'm really talented enough to make it happen, or whether taking two days off to head to New York and follow a pipe dream is more a waste of time than anything else.

Should you always try and pursue your dreams, even if you know they might not come true, simply for the sake of trying? And if the dream you've had since forever doesn't come true, what then? Just chalk it up to life experience?

I have a few weeks to decide, but I just don't know what to do.

Sometimes One Primal Scream is All You Need...

Today was a fairly crappy day. I've been struggling with some type of stomach bug for the last few days, and after eating mostly soup and saltine crackers, I'm kind of on edge.

Combine that with the stress of work, and you get a situation as volatile as Peter Brady's volcano demonstration for Marcia's friends. I'm not all that good with stress (I know that some of you are shocked by that confession), but I've discovered a pretty amazing panacea.

The primal scream.

While screaming briefly at the top of your lungs isn't tremendously appropriate in a professional situation (unless your professional situation involves loud music or a wrestling ring), it also works if you sit in your car for a minute or two, scream and then return to your desk. (It's also quicker and healthier than a cigarette break.)

If escaping the clutches of your office isn't a possibility, the virtual primal scream has also proven effective. On your computer, open up a blank document and type whatever you'd scream, in 48-point type or higher, and PRESTO!

Stress alleviated.

Try one or both of those remedies. If they help a stress junkie like me, they're sure to help you.

And you don't even have to thank me.

If I Knew Then...

As many of you know, a few months back I recorded a video for the It Gets Better Project to help LGBT teens and young adults who are being bullied and struggling with suicide. As I remembered the anguish, pain and sense of aloneness I felt when dealing with this bullying in middle school, high school and summer camp, I thought about how useful it would have been to have had videos like these to support me.

And then I started thinking: if I knew then what I know now, would I want to go back to those times?

I'm a firm believer that the circumstances of your life—good and bad—shape you as a person. And much like in Back to the Future, the slightest correction could have serious ripple effects.

Am I totally happy with the course my life has taken? No, not completely. Hindsight is 20/20, after all, so there are certainly lots of changes I would make if I could. But that being said, if I had the opportunity to go back in time knowing what I know now, I don't think I would. However, what I wish I could do was simply tell the high school-aged or college-aged Larry that things really would get better, and that many of the things that were such a big deal then would turn out to be mere bumps in the road.

Of course, as they say in Coke Zero commercials, they haven't yet invented time machines (not even hot tub time machines), so this is just an interesting thought exercise. But it would be interesting to have a day back in high school, knowing what I know now...maybe I would have been president of the Drama Club after all!

How about you? If you could go back to a point in your life knowing what you know now, would you?

Dream a Little Dream...

Every so often, I have bizarre and/or disturbing dreams. Sometimes I can figure out the genesis of these dreams—I'm particularly anxious about one thing or another, or I've just seen or read something that apparently stuck in my mind.

Some are fresh out of Dream Interpretation 101—I'm wandering all over the place in my underwear, I'm late to something tremendously important, etc. (I also tend to have dreams that people I know are serial killers after I've seen one too many episodes of CSI or Dexter.)

The other night, however, I had one of the most vivid and strange dreams I ever had, and while it wasn't frightening, it truly shook me up. At this point, I can't even describe it adequately, but let's just say the dream featured me as a child and an adult, as well as various original cast members from Sesame Street, and people I knew as a camper and counselor from my years at Timber Lake Camp.

During the dream it appeared that the woman who originated the role of Susan on Sesame Street (Loretta Long) was my mother. (Can't quite figure that one out.) There also was a great deal of somewhat-psychedelic stuff that occurred while I was "at camp."

The dream ended with me being handed a postcard, which read "I'm happy where I am." I'm not sure what this meant exactly, but it left me very emotional, and I woke up crying. You see, my mother died when I was two years old, and I have no memories of her, just a few photos. So given that a figure representing my mother was in this dream, I can't help but wonder if that postcard was her message to me that she's happy because she's had the chance to watch me and her loved ones all these years.

Of course, another hypothesis I've been playing with is that the postcard was a sign for me, that although I've been struggling with things lately, perhaps I really am happy where I am.

No resolution, of course. But it's definitely one of those dreams I wish I could have again, if only to try and figure out what it all meant.

Like that's possible.

Say What You Mean to Say...

As you might have been able to ascertain—either from my blog posts or if you know me personally—I don't have a tremendous amount of tolerance for people. And among my biggest pet peeves are passive-aggressiveness and people who won't tell you how they truly feel.

Now, I'm a fairly direct person. And even when I don't come out and tell a person that they're angering or upsetting me, my general lack of a poker face leads to emotional transparency, so you pretty much know how I feel. But others have this ability (and it's not an impressive skill, IMHO) to tell you they feel a particular way, when in reality, they feel completely different. And instead of taking the bull by the horns and telling a person the truth, they rely on subterfuge, sometimes even going so far as to build a person up when in reality, they cannot stand them.

Yes, the truth hurts sometimes. But what is to be gained by not confronting a person and pretending their behavior doesn't bother you, or pretending that you think their decisions are wise, when in reality, they're completely off-base? While there is value in letting a person discover their own problems, sometimes their problems are much more visible to others. And even if they don't appear to want your help or your advice, in the end, it's actually more valuable, you know?

I've been in this situation far too often, which unfortunately has left me with the inability to trust most people. I've left myself open to people many times, only to find myself stabbed in the back. Clearly I have my own issues, but it's a little unsettling to find yourself questioning everything a person tells you, wondering whether or not they're being truthful.

To my friends—and those who one day aspire to be my friends (how funny is that?)—I have a pretty thick skin. Don't be afraid to call me out if my behavior angers or upsets you. I'll be much more grateful in the long run, rather than discovering somewhere down the road (Manilow!) that you've been stabbing me in the back all along.

Strangely enough, nothing in my own life inspired this post, but once I started typing, it took on a life of its own. That being said, here's my piece of advice to everyone (credit to John Mayer): say what you mean to say. They've stopped giving out prizes to people for being nice to others, ok?

When the News Isn't Quite Newsworthy...

If you've ever read this blog, or even if you just know me, you're probably familiar with my general frustration with the media. Whether it's the general laziness I've seen in the mainstream media's not fact checking or at least providing counterpoint to outlandish political claims, or the media's unexplained fascination with so-called celebrities who do nothing celebrity-worthy, there's a reason I watch very little television and only listen to the radio for traffic reports.

I know, they're just doing their job. But here's why I am a bit frustrated.


The Un-Newsworthiness of the News
When I was putting out newspaper for the dog this morning (don't ask), a headline on the sports page caught my eye: Tiger Woods's on-course struggles may be rooted in his problems away from the game. At first I looked to see how old this newspaper was that I was putting out; after all, Tiger's problems started around Thanksgiving and he's been sporadically back on the tour for several months. But this story is from earlier this week.



Really? Is this still a story? Are there still people who think Tiger's struggles have nothing to do with the sinkhole his personal life has fallen into? How is this still newsworthy?


Relationships That Make You Go "So?"
The other story the media just can't get enough of this week is the engagement of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston. On the surface, this isn't such a big deal: he is the father of her child, after all. But what ups the ante here is that Johnston bashed Bristol's mother like crazy following the 2008 election, even promising to write a tell-all book about the Palins.



Now they're back together. And while I know I shouldn't care, I can't help but believe all of this is somehow orchestrated by the Palins to keep Sarah in the spotlight (not that she doesn't do a good enough job of this by herself). And more than that, I don't understand why this really is news. Is there nothing else out there?

Well, nothing super earth-shaking in this post, just a rant. I can do that. It's my blog...